(Closed) Doew he still want to marry me?

posted 5 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
5732 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

You just dropped speaking about getting married but had a baby anyway?  You think you are too financially pinched to get married but not to raise another child?

Why don’t you just ask him?  If he isn’t helping you plan it is either because he doesn’t care or because he is an ass.  Neither are great answers. 

Post # 3
2089 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“Makes me wonder if he still wants to marry me or he is just too pre-occupied with the fight for his other daughter and also thinking he’s not in a good place financially because of this. Maybe he wants all these things resolved first? I mean we have a fully committed relationship but I would like us to be officially married. His side of family is also kind of disfunctional and he has said to me before that no one will show up. Could these things be the real reason for his delay.”

I would just ask him this the way you asked here. If he is too stressed to do much wedding planning (and it sounds like that could be the case given the situation with custody) and if you both just want to be married, is there a reason you need a year to plan a city hall wedding? Maybe it would be less stressful on both of you to plan something that can be accomplished in a few weeks or a month. If his family won’t show up anyway, just invite those who will be happy to witness your ceremony and maybe do a lunch or a dinner afterwards.

Post # 4
2741 posts
Sugar bee

He’s the only one who can answer your questions. Ask him!!

Post # 5
3797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Why not just ask him? He could be exhausted by emotional stress, financial stress, having a 2 month old baby… Or he could not want to get married right now. The only way to know for sure is to just ask him!

My Fiance is not super involved in wedding planning (mostly because I do most of it at work during downtime) but he’s happy to help when I ask, it doesn’t mean he doesnt want to get married! 

Post # 9
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Most men don’t get super involved in planning…. not sure why that’s a bad sign?

Post # 10
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

islandgyal :  This is how my fiance communicates. I like to talk things through and get validation and input. He sees it as – I agree with you so I say “OK” to acknowledge that and conversation is finished. Drives me up a wall, but it sounds like your fiance does want to marry you.

Post # 11
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Bee I just think he has alot on his mind. And if your planning a city hall wedding a year from now what input do you really need from him now? I know with my fh he really doesn’t have much of an input unless I ask him, he just basically agree’s with me. He say’s as long as we get married that’s all that matter’s to me. I am making more of a big deal than he his because that’s what I want. Of course if I ask him how he feel’s about this or that then he gives me his opioion but other than that it’s pretty much me. But I am o.k with it. Some men are just like that. And it’s a year away. It will be o.k. Don’t look at it in a negitive way, you start to do that and you will get depressed. You two have alot going on right now. So just breathe and take it slow. 

Post # 12
445 posts
Helper bee

Without knowing him, I would say that he is just overwhelmed. A custody battle is draining financially AND emotionally, plus now he has a new baby too. I would not put added pressure on him at this moment, and just support him until this is resolved. Though I haven’t experienced it personally, I would imagine that were I in his place I would not be in any state of mind to think about wedding planning when I’m fighting for my child and caring for my new baby too. I wouldn’t take it as a sign that he doesn’t care.

But as PPs have said, only you can talk to him about this. My advice would be to approach it without accusation or without jumping to, “you don’t care about me!”

Post # 14
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Are you afraid that he will tell you he doesn’t want to get married? Is that why you haven’t asked him?

I would talk to him, tell him that you feel like he’s hesitant about the courthouse and ask him why. Let him explain what’s going on in his head 

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