(Closed) Dog vs Fiance (Long rant; need advice!)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

You need to have a frank and serious conversation with him about his efforts with the dogs, and the issues they’re causing.  You need to explain to him that you feel disrespected by the way he treats the house you bought TOGETHER and that you feel like he isn’t contributing enough to the care of all the dogs, and if he can’t step up, then you need to find a new home for her because you don’t have the time and energy to caring for her plain and simple. 

 

Post # 3
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
becomingsumner:  A 10 year old boxer is rare, how awesome!! =)

As for keeping the dogs in one room all the time or outside… for me, this is a no, no. My dogs are family and are allowed anywhere in the house. However, like your 4… my dogs are all well trained.

The 5th, Kali, needs a more active house. She is a breed and age that needs constant mental work. She needs a runner or active training.

Try and talk to your Fiance about a better home for her. This is not “disrespectful to him”… what an odd thought for him to have… big ego, eh? Or send her to a trainer for one on one training, where the trainer keeps her till she is trained. Have your Fiance pay this bill, make sure this is in his name.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by BrideK2Wings. Reason: SORRY MISS READ
Post # 4
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Well… first of all you guys need to talk.  You don’t see eye to eye on some pretty important things.  He shouldn’t be able to unilaterally decide for BOTH of you that:

– you have to keep an untrained puppy that neither of you want to train properly.

– you can’t put AC in the dog’s room.

– you have to let your 5 dogs roam the house at will

– you have to leave your back door open and let all the bugs in.

Your say matters just as much as his.

That said, it’s also wierd reading your post and reading pretty much every other line of your last paragraph is “he refuses to do X”… why don’t you do it?  You obviously know how to train a dog–you  trained a 12 week puppy to adulthood.  You can install an AC (anyone can).

Personally, I think you’re right to want to rehome Kali.  She’s got energy, and needs training and discipline and mental work that neither of you are providing her (I’m not scolding… 4 other dogs is a LOT of work!!!).  I hope you manage to convince him.

Post # 6
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
BrideK2Wings:  Same here, I’d never keep my dogs in one room. What’s the point of having dogs if you don’t spend time with them?

View original reply
becomingsumner:  Like PPs said, an open discussion when no one is already mad. If the dog stays, there should be some “rules” where she gets better trained and he spends time with them. If not, she gets rehomed. And when they are well behaved they could have the run of the house. Just vaccuum more. I sweep every.single.dingle.day.

Post # 7
Member
12265 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

How the hell is adopting her out “disrespectful” to him?  He sounds like a straight up selffish lazy jerk right now that just wants a pack of dogs around to keep him company and play with when he wants and for you to take care of everything.  If the understanding when you brought hom Kali that it was temporary until you found her a home, I would continue to look to rehome her.  If he’s not going to lift a finger in training and caring for it, he just doesnt get a say imo. 

Post # 8
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
becomingsumner:  Seriously… why does he get half the say?  Like, at all?  

You go to work, and do all of the housework, and now you’re also solely responsible to clean up after 5 dogs?  I’m biased, obviously, since I only know your side of the story… but giiiirlll… from how you say it you should be the ONLY one who gets to decide if you keep Kali or not.

I agree with PPs that you should talk about all this when no one is already mad… but how can you not be livid when you get home after a long day of work and find your fiance sitting on the couch ignoring a peed-on rug?! That would make my head explode, ESPECILALLY if I did all his other chores.  He seriously just decided that it was your problem and then sat there despite the stench and ignored it?!

Post # 10
Member
36 posts
Newbee

You’re a saint and a sweetheart for those dogs. You did all the right things for Kali to help her. Tell your Fiance that as much as you’d love to keep her, it isn’t the right time. He shouldn’t take it personally. As hard as it would be to give up Kali, you were only fostering her until she could find her forever home. If he still wants to keep her, let him know what you think it would take for that to happen going forward. He can’t honestly think that the current condition is desirable? If nothing else, it’s upsetting to you and he should know that.

Side note, I used to have a 1/2 German Shepherd named Callie and my best friend had a golden retriever named Penny. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

5 dogs. I’m sorry that grosses me out on its own lol. I completely understand how taking care of all of them, especially one that is untrained can be too much.

I would have a serious conversation with him and give him a deadline on when improvement with the dog needs to be seen before you will adopt her.

Post # 14
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Personally I see a lot of talk about money in here…like decorating your house, your expensive couch, etc.  Maybe…not spend quite so much on decor and house stuff?  No one *needs* a $3000 couch…  I’m a cat lady/animal lady so I know my furniture will never be very expensive because the cats/any future dogs we might adopt will ruin it.  Our new couch (which is amaaaazing) was only about $250.

Other than that, yeah he needs to get over this.  I COMPLETELY understand why he is attached to this dog (I’m the EXACT same way…fiance knows not to bring me to the Humane Society haha), however 5 dogs is a lot, and if he’s not training or taking care of all of them, then yes unfortunately you will probably need to adopt her out for her own good.

To solve the house issue, could you possibly set up a kennel or section off a piece of yard or something outside for the dogs to hang out?  Otherwise yeah just get the air conditioner and install it yourself.

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