Doing everything 'perfect' = bfn??

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

carter2bee :  I feel the exact same way. We have perfect timing. Use preseed. Take all the vitamins. Avoid the bad things. And still nothing. My doctor won’t do any testing until I’ve hit a year. But at this point I don’t understand, I’ve gone 6 months without any protection, BD the entire fw (tried EOD too) and not get knocked up. Something must be broken right? 

You are definitely not alone.

Post # 3
510 posts
Busy bee

carter2bee :  Vent away. Nothing to really say other than it can take a healthy couple up to one year to conceive naturally. So unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do other than keep trying the same way until you get to that point, unless you are above 35 or have diagnosed fertility issues. 

Considering you only have a 20-30% chance of conceiving monthly, it definitely puts odds at the likeliness of not occurring quickly for some.

How many months have you been TTC? It’s definitely stressful and a waiting game, but trying to stay relaxed (I know that sounds impossible) will help you keep your sanity throughout the process. 

Post # 4
3009 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

carter2bee :  That’s not how TTC/biology works, unfortunately. You can do everything ‘perfectly’ for months and not get pregnant until you do. There’s a reason doctors don’t do tests after the first few months (or more)- it can just take time. And, not to be a downer, but even if pregnancy occurs, things can go wrong. Miscarriages are sadly very common. I know it’s difficult, but just keep having sex when you are fertile and hoping for the best. Chances are it will happen in the next few months and if there is something wrong with either you or your husband, chances are it can be addressed. Best of luck!

Post # 5
673 posts
Busy bee

Watch, The Great Sperm Race. It’s on YouTube. It’s seriously so much harder than a lot of people realize until they get into TTC. The stress is real and valid at any and every stage of this process. The party line of, it takes time, is very true but rarely makes anyone feel better when they want something so badly. Big hugs to you. Enjoy a glass of wine (if that’s your thing) and vent away. Fingers crossed you get your BFP soon!!

Post # 6
1450 posts
Bumble bee

carter2bee :  yes I’ve told myself that every month for the last year but still we are without a baby.  Turns out even though I’m ovulating I have PCOS and Darling Husband although his good sperm counts has low motility and morphology.  It sucks 

Post # 7
7886 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

carter2bee :  “I dont know how other ladies who have gone many more months and years cope”. As someone who has been doing this for two years and just finished her first IVF cycle I feel qualified to answer – we cry, we drink wine, and sometimes we throw temper tantrums when no one is looking. We also have a support system of husbands and girlfriends that help keep us sane. Let out your frustration because you will feel better even if it doesn’t change anything. 

Post # 8
384 posts
Helper bee

It’s totally possible to do it all right and still not get a BFP.  For example I’m in a same sex marriage so we’re doing IUI with donor sperm and they literally do a blood draw and find the exact day when you ovulate and then they put the super concentrated healthiest sperm in a catheter and put it through your cervix and up into your uterus right up at the top where the egg comes down… and guess what… it still didn’t work. After a perfect fertilty workup for me and great quality donor sperm.

So it’s possible, you’ve got to just keep your chin up and keep on going because really… what other choice is there?  I won’t tell you to relax or to enjoy the process or that it will happen when it’s meant to, because I hear that bullshit all the time and it really bothers me. Just keep your chin up and keep trying.

Post # 10
4232 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I felt the exact same way! I was temp charting, using an ovulation tester, having accupuncture done to boost fertility, and being treated by a naturopath. I even had my hormones tested at month three of TTC. I thought we were doing everything right, and month after month my period came. 

Ironically, we got pregnant on a month we were NTNP. We took a small break from TTC in part due to some strain on our marriage we were working through, and in part due to me starting a new job. I was actually in DENIAL until I was almost six weeks along! How could I POSSIBLY get pregnant on a month where I wasn’t doing all my ‘work’? 

Funny how life works that way! So you could say TTC took seven months for us overall (five months active TTC, two months NTNP). The strangest part is the moment I had confirmation of my pregnancy, those seven months felt like the blink of an eye.

Post # 11
1450 posts
Bumble bee

carter2bee :  Yes DH’s motility and morphology are caused by low testosterone so he’s on medication to increase his testosterone.  IN addtion he is taking Fertiliaid which is an over the counter supplement that is supposed to help.  Finally, we may try IUI next cycle to help our chances, haven’t decided yet. 

This month his motility was in the normal range for the first time and the morphology was almost in the normal range so we are hopeful it is working.

Post # 12
9173 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

there is only a 20% chance of doing everything right and something happening.  sometimes it takes a little longer.  i thought i was doing everything right too, but it took us 2 years and IVF to have a beautiful baby boy. 

be patient.

Post # 13
246 posts
Helper bee

Ugh. I hear you. Its a weary road!!!  My best advice is to keep as many pots going as possible! Distract, distract, distract!  Find house projects, plan trips, go on day hikes!!

I feel like the “multiple pots on the stove” analogy has helped a lot for most things in life. I think its healthy to stay busy and active.

Also, maybe for peace of mind you could get your thyroid tested. That can be a common issue if it is out of whack. You always do additional testing down the road if needed – but no need to rush to that if you are younger!

Post # 14
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

We are about to go into cycle 14 with two chemical pregnancies under our belts during that time. We are in the process of doing fertility tests but yeah i hear ya. For me, the first 6 months were the hardest. The more time goes on, the less anxious i feel each cycle. About 2 months ago i started a weight loss/ health kick and it’s been nice to get back on loving terms with my body. I spent so much time feeling resentful that it wasn’t doing what it’s supposed to do so i’ve been working on changing the dialogue i have with myself. We also adopted a dog so between my 7 year old stepson, husband, dog, cat, gym and new house, i’m focusing my energy on things i can control. I know the wait, frustration and disappointment sucks right now. I believe that in the end, it’s going to work out.  Good luck bee xo

Post # 15
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

We’re only just starting TTC this month but I’m not telling any of my friends. The reason being that four of my five close friends got pregnant the first month of trying, the other got pregnant on her second month with baby #2 and was so frustrated “that it was taking forever.” With her first she conceived the first month. Two of them are teachers and they talk about when they would conceive their second child to coincide with the summer break etc as if it is that easy to plan. I won’t tell them because if it ends up taking say 6+ months I don’t want them pitying me and giving me advice as I know it’s normal to take up to a year.

One of my friends who has two young children doesn’t even have a clue when ovulation happens and just said they did it every other day or every day when they were TTC. Sometimes I wish I didn’t know so much about conception!

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