(Closed) Doing some Encore bride research. And A Poll!

posted 9 years ago in Encore
  • poll: What is the most difficult issue to deal with as an Encore bride?
    Consolidating households! Moving! Taking two people living on their own and creating one home! : (5 votes)
    24 %
    Blending the families. We have kids and we want all of them to get along really great! : (3 votes)
    14 %
    Dealing with the families' attitude about your remarriage. : (7 votes)
    33 %
    Dealing with the ex and parenting situation or residual personal situations & the remarriage : (6 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    57 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Blending the families will be tough.  Between the two of us, there are seven children.  My three children and his four children.  Yea, I know, a modern day Brady Bunch.  LOL!!  We all get along quite well, but we have not started living together.  Once we all move under the same roof, things might be slightly different.  I am especially worried about my daughter.  She is so used to having her own room and her own space, that once we make the big move, she’ll be sharing with her little sister and things could get a little ugly.  I think the best thing to do is to prepare for the big move well in advance.  Sort of like premarital counseling, you’ll need to do some pre-family counseling.  As long as all parties know what to expect, things should run smoothly… well, more smoothly than without the counseling.  Also, I suggest maybe doing a few dryruns.  You know… maybe spend a week at each others homes with the kids to see some of the uh ohs before the real thing.   You have a rehearsal for your wedding, why not have a living together rehearsal. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Honestly, for me it’s more about how the families have reacted. I was unpleasantly shocked to find that, at least so far, the majority of the problems have come from a side I didn’t expect…. MINE. To the point where one person said they couldn’t even attend, which disappointed and hurt me more than I can say. But we’re still months away, so anything can happen betwen now and then I guess…

    Post # 7
    Member
    1205 posts
    Bumble bee

    We aren’t really blending families since Fiance is a newbie, but dealing with my ex and all that co-parenting stuff is and will continue to be our challenge.  (So that’s what I voted)

    My X is a less than stand up guy.  We were married almost 8 years when he left (for the 3rd time) and had been spending 5 nights a week and thousands of dollars a month in bars. I gave him an ultimatum.  He picked divorce and I was as strong as I could be.  I had been doing counseling and decided that I had to deal with my life – not wallow.  So I got a job (had been a stay at home mom), found a place to live and started handling my life. Oh – and I lost 80lbs.  Then he wanted me back, but it was insincere. A few break-ins to my house and thousands of harassing phone calls later he met someone (cue angels singing)

    That was 2 years ago.   They’re married and at least he leaves me alone.  It’s the parenting – or lack of – that bothers me.  My 8 year old son watches Family Guy, Southpark, Harold and Kumar (!)  and other things obviously not for kids.  My daughter (she’s 7) often stays up long after her daddy and step mom have gone to bed [read: passed out]  and “eat what we want and blare the music”.  It’s sad and every other week, I scramble to get them back to normal.  I’m so so blessed to have a wonderful Fiance.  He gives my kids all the love and attention they aren’t otherwise getting and he also supports me and teaches them important life lessons. 

    So that’s my battle/rant/biggest trouble.  And just as a side note, Fiance will be moving into my house after the wedding, where we’ll stay until we’re ready to buy one together.  🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    1901 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    We already have lived together for 5 years and neither of us has kids, and I don’t talk to my ex anymore. I voted the family’s reaction has been the biggest thing. As in, my parents LACK of reaction. It’s FI’s first so they are over the moon!

    Post # 9
    Member
    355 posts
    Helper bee

    For us, it will be likely consolidating households and the two of us sharing one roof.   No kids and my guy is a newbie but we don’t live together.  We live and work in the same city so we see each other a lot but sharing a space 24-7 will be new for us.  He hasn’t lived with anyone since grad school and I have my first solo place so both of us are pretty attached to our apartments and the space/freedom we currently have!  

    Post # 10
    Member
    234 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    My Fiance doesn’t have kids and this is his first go around. My daughter’s father lives 3,000 miles away so other then the summer trips, there is no real problem there.  Actually his parents have been really great and are just happy that I have found someone since their son turned out to be not as wonderful as we all thought.

    The biggest stresser is my family.  They are so NOT happy about this and have voiced this at any chance they have had.  It is stressful because you really want your family to love you and support you and when they don’t, it just sucks.

    He has been amazing though and has supported me 100% in the tough decissions I have had to make.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    7383 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I picked the last option.  Having an ex that is still an involved dad and a fiance who wants to be the best step-dad ever – its tricky for them to find their comfortable places.  I had been really nervous about it- but its working out fine so far.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I really couldn’t answer this one, because none of them are an issue for us.  We consolidated households long ago, as we have already lived together for nine years.  My kids are grown (and already love my FI), and she doesn’t have any.  My family (other than one brother-in-law) is quite supportive of the marriage, as they already know and like my Fiance.  (The one brother-in-law is homophobic and tried to talk my sister out of attending, but we don’t like him anyway and my sister stood up to him.)  And the ex is amicable enough that he is attending our wedding–at my FI’s suggestion.  I guess I can just consider myself lucky!

    Post # 15
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    well… i broke the tie i suppose. My biggest problem is my family thinking Fiance and i need to go to the courthouse and have a BBQ in the backyard and let that be it for our wedding… his family is insisting on a LARGE affair… bigger than we would ever want. Fiance and i just want it to be romantic and we want you to leave with the feeling that you know US.

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