- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
I am in the sticky situation where I am no longer good friends with some of the girls whom I asked (informally, no fancy cards or gifts) to be bridesmaids back in the spring. The girls I would like to “unask” are a close-knit group of three, and unfortunately, as time passes and my wedding gets closer (Winter 2013), I realize that I am simply not very close friends with those women. I admit that I was very hasty to ask them all in the first place, I really feel now that I put the bridesmaid “cart” before the friendship “horse,” and now I have to deal with the uncomfortable situation of either having to ask these girls to step down, or else have people in my wedding party who are friends of mine, but not particularly close friends. While I would not necessarily be opposed to keeping them in, I have other friends with whom I am much closer, and I would much rather be surrounded by my good friends on my wedding day, than by women who are just regular friends of mine that I see just because we all are in school together.
I realize that to unask these ladies would seriously damage, if not ruin the friendships, but I am not particularly upset because there is not much friendship to lose. I have not done anything social with these women in months, and when I think about writing them “thank you for being my bridesmaid” cards, I cannot come up with more than a few sentences to summarize our friendships. When I asked them to be bridesmaids in the spring, I really thought that our friendships would grow, but as the months pass, we just seem to be less compatible as “best buddies” and better suited as acquaintances/casual friends who plan a coffee date every few months to catch up. I think on some level they are probably feeling this too, and might feel a sense of relief at being asked to uncommit to bridesmaids roles, when they themselves do not know the bride very well. I would still, of course, invite them to the wedding, but I am not sure if they would want to come, and I understand that.
If anyone has any advice as to how I should approach this situation, how I should phrase it, and whether I should tell them individually, or all at once (the three of them are very close friends, unfortunately I never became that fourth-wheel for whatever reason, and at this point I realize that I’m just not particularly that compatible with them), it would be appreciated. I am currently leaning toward telling them all together because honestly, one of the girls I only asked because she was very close to the other two, and I did not want to leave her out just because I was closer to her other two friends. Of course, I would not say it like that to her, but right now, it would seem almost strange for me to ask her out to coffee just by herself, we are simply not that close. Also, if there is any advice (other than to just wait a while and be discreet) about how to handle the fact that the girls I will be asking to be bridesmaids instead are common acquaintances to the three that I am asking to step down, that would be appreciated too.
Right now, the situation is just very tense and sad for me, and it is making me despise and be depressed about wedding planning. I hate to hurt peoples’ feelings, but right now with the current bridesmaid situation, all I am doing is hurting myself emotionally and feeling resentful about my wedding.