(Closed) Doing wedding ceremony without signing the papers- Are we married in God’s eye?

posted 9 years ago in Christian
Post # 17
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think this is kind of strange people are having issues with it!  We had our legal wedding first, then our church wedding, and we got comments of the opposite side – that we weren’t married until our church wedding (we believed that as well).  And yes, the sex issue came up and we decided to wait until our religious ceremony – that was the real wedding for us.  To me, it just makes sense that if you’re having a ceremony and committing yourself in front of God, that you’re married.  I say consumate away after the ceremony. 🙂

Post # 18
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This is very interesting… I totally agree that the ceremony is what counts, not all the legal stuff. But I would like to know people’s opinions on whether or not the engagement counts seeing as how it is also a promise to one another and to God as well. Not looking for a loop hole people, just opinions!

Post # 19
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I totally agree that the ceremony is what matters. Legal stuff is just legal, nothing more to it.

Post # 20
Member
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t think it matters that you won’t be signing the papers right away.  The more important issue is that the pastor is not pronouncing you husband and wife- this, in my opinion, is the church’s blessing to you as a couple and what announces the beginning of your married life.

Why not just have the pastor say that at the ceremony and sign the papers later?  Otherwise, I would say hold off on the “married activities.”

Post # 20
Member
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t think it matters that you won’t be signing the papers right away.  The more important issue is that the pastor is not pronouncing you husband and wife- this, in my opinion, is the church’s blessing to you as a couple and what announces the beginning of your married life.

Why not just have the pastor say that at the ceremony and sign the papers later?  Otherwise, I would say hold off on the “married activities.”

Post # 21
Member
11534 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

My DH is a senior pastor of a Christian church in the U.S., and we’ve been sitting here discussing the various complexities involved in in your situation as you strive to honor God as well as the God-ordained governing authorities.

Post # 22
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@BooRadley:  That is what I was thinking! If there is no pronunciation of husband and wife, becuase you can’t sign the papers, then by that particular pastor’s “law” you aren’t married either.

 

I am a firm believer that God knows your heart, and if in that ceremony you truly feel the commitment and it feels just as legitimate as if you were to sign everything, then go ahead and live as husband and wife. If part of you doubts, pray about it. Other people’s opinions are just that…opinions. Pray privately, ask God’s guidance. You will know what’s right for you.

Post # 23
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m also doing this visa so let me weigh in!

 

Once my fiance gets here from Aus we are going to do a quick courthouse style wedding ceremony for the paperwork, then file the AOS, name change etc since it takes 3 months approx to get his work authorisation and the ability to travel outside the country.  But we are still waiting for the big wedding which is in Sept to ‘consummate’ because we see that wedding as the one before God and such, even though legally we would have already been married for a few months.  We would normally wait and just have the legal and spiritual one together but unfortunately since the K-1 requirements are strict, we wouldn’t have time for our dream wedding to plan when he gets here and we only have 3 months from his POE to get married legally.  Plus we want to vacation outside the country after our wedding and we can’t do that if we put off the legal part.  So there’s nothing wrong with it!  Just have to make do with the situation you are given.

 

 

HOWEVER!!! From a visa point of view, BE VERY CAREFUL about having a wedding-like event during the K1 visa.  If it looks like you are already married to the consulates they will deny your petition, even if its not a legal wedding.  Depending on the country, just having the ceremony without papers makes you legally married, and if you have pics of what looks like a wedding you will be making things hard for you.  I suggest going to visajourney.com and hitting up the forums there for some advice, they will be able to give good advice that will help you not make a horrible mistake and be forced to go through more stress than is needed.  Good luck :3

Post # 24
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ahem.  Why are your friends weighing in with their opinions?  Isn’t what happens in the bedroom between you, your partner, and in your case, God?  If you are ok with it, then that’s all that matters.

Post # 25
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Marriage is both before God AND a legal thing. However those things don’t coincide. God doesn’t require legal papers. Thats the governments thing.

If I were you i’d go with your original plan. If you want to you could even just go to a pastor with a witness and the legal documents when you get back to the states and have him legally marry you and you’ll sign the papers then.So you don’t have to go to a courthouse.

You’d be married in Gods eyes when you made your commitment to each other overseas, papers or no papers.

Post # 26
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

DH and I discussed this. As Christians, we feel the important part is the pledge before God. Now, I’m pretty sure God asks us to follow the laws of man except where they supercede the laws of God, and this one doesn’t. But if you’re having both, and I had to pick between whether the legal or religious ceremony will make you married, I would say the religious one. But I feel he *really* should pronounce you man and wife for it to count. If you aren’t pronounced man and wife, that’s before God too. Can he not add the caveat “in the eyes of God,” or “before God”? 

But as long as you’re comfortable with what you’re doing, go for it. That’s the most important part.

Post # 28
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Well, considering that the court doesn’t really care about consummating your marriage/fornication, but the church does, for the purpose of bedroom activites, I would say that your commitment before God is the deciding factor. The courthouse wedding is for legalities.

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