(Closed) Dollar Dance

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

 Warning: This thread will BLOW up.  This is a touchy subject here on the bee : )

I personally think they are really inappropriate and would be horrified if I attended a wedding and this was done.  Other people will tell you that they are perfectly fine and everyone they know has had one at their wedding.

Given that you have never seen this done.. I would venture to assume that many guests on your side will also have never seen this.  Since many of your guests will likely be surprised and possibly uncomfortable I really think you should skip it.

Post # 4
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@kiki29:  I’m afraid people will think it’s bad etiquette.

They will because it is.  This is particularly true if your guest list is comprised of people like yourself that have never heard of a dollar dance.  Tell your fiance’ that you would prefer not to shake your guests down for cash or lead them to believe you’re so desperate for money you have to beg for it.

Post # 5
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@kiki29: Before this thread goes crazy.  They are extremely typical where I am from.  It is considered a thing to do and that it is everyone who wants it chance to talk to the bride or groom for a moment without feeling rushed.  =)

Post # 6
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@kiki29: This question has the potential to blow up big time, but hopefully it won’t. The dollar dance seems to be something that is cultural and/or regional. Therefore, if it’s not the norm in your or FIs culture or region I would leave it out. If it’s something that is an expected wedding ritual for FIs culture, then my advice would be to have the dance. 

Post # 7
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

oh jeez. Here we go. Would you tell the whole country of Poland that their tradition is tacky and bad etiquette? No, you wouldn’t. What about countries like Ukraine, Hungary, Yugoslavia, Mexico, and the Philippines where this is normal? Would you go to a Mexican wedding and shake your head in disguest?

Here’s what the internet says about the good ol’ United States and the dollar dance.

-In America, practice of a money dance varies by geographic region and ethnic background of the families involved. It typically involves guests giving small sums of cash to the bride or pinning cash to her gown or veil. Even cultures that accept this may balk at paying the groom for his time and attention, so alternatives have developed, such as “paying” the groom with play money or a stick of chewing gum. Some consider this a way for the bride and groom to have face time with their guests. Many, including traditional North American etiquette experts, consider the practice incorrect.[1]

I’ve been to weddings with and without it. I don’t mind it. Most of them have been where you go up to the best man and Maid/Matron of Honor and basically buy a shot of rum/vodka/whisky/jello shot or whatever for $1 and then go dance with the bride or groom.  But the etiquette “experts” on this website are about to tear you a new one. Good luck!

 

Post # 8
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

They are typical where my fiance comes from and his mom is expecting us to have one.

I’m still on the fence. I know it is bad ettiquette but he has informed me that it will be offensive to him and his family to NOT have a dollar dance.

Sigh.

Post # 9
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I honestly feel this is a cultural/regional thing.  I’ve been to many weddings, I’d say about half of them had dollar dances, half did not.  I grew up seeing dollar dances, so I never would have found it to be offensive.  I don’t intend to do one, but when I go to weddings that have them, I always give a few dollars and dance with the groom. 

Post # 10
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If it is a part of FI’s culture, DO IT. But please stress that guests give a dollar, that way it’s traditional, but not a money grab.

If Fiance wants to do it as a way of getting money out of guests, SKIP IT!

 

I actually will be doing a dollar dance, as it’s what my future in laws want, but I’m worried that my upper crust friends and relatives will be shocked. bleh

Post # 11
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

In this instance, I would tend away from it.  Not because its rude or anything (its not) but because it seems like your guests will have no idea what is going on.  I have never gone to a wedding where the DJ or MC has had to announce the dollar dance.  People just started doing it.  Like they knew how and what to do.  I just think it would be a bit awkward if no one knows what is going on and you have to have an individual annouce it.

Post # 12
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@asunw:  “It is considered a thing to do and that it is everyone who wants it chance to talk to the bride or groom for a moment without feeling rushed.  =)”

Guests shouldn’t have to pay for face time.  A gracious Bride and Groom makes it a point to greet all their guests personally without charging for it.

Post # 13
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@lisa105: I think you stated your opinion above once. Please don’t try to correct everyone who answers on this thread.

Post # 14
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@R.Elliott:  “I’m still on the fence. I know it is bad ettiquette but he has informed me that it will be offensive to him and his family to NOT have a dollar dance.”

Just curious but why would they be offended by you NOT having a dollar dance?

Post # 15
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

@R.Elliott: It is not bad etiquette if that is what is expected.  Don’t stress about it!

Post # 16
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Dollar dances used to be the norm here, but I don’t see them as often as I used to.  I don’t see it as a money grab and I don’t mind paying a dollar or two to dance with the groom BUT at the receptions I’ve attended where they do this, the night just drags and drags and drags. There are two lines of 40 people waiting for their chance to dance, and then one line has more people so people feel obligated to dance with the other one and pretty soon, you’re 45 mins into the dollar dance, and on song 8.

We’re not doing it.  I would talk to your Fiance about your concerns and work throught it.  I agree, if you want face time with your guests, make a point to go around to each and every table.

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