(Closed) Dollar Dance

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 77
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Geez, I’m having deja vu here!

Post # 78
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

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@lisa105: This discussion happened before and again, I have to agree with Lisa about the blame game.  She generally doesn’t share the majority opinion and seems to get in trouble a lot more than others. 

As long as she comes up with justifications (rather than blanket statements about her gentility) then I am ok w her saying dollar dance is tack-ay.  Plus without her we wouldn’t have these discussions that show how certain guests would be aghast at some wedding behaviors.  At the very least, she gives you pause to think if what you’re doing could make others uncomfy.  And in the end that is what etiquette is all about, making people around you comfortable.

Post # 79
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m tacky.  I had a dollar dance. 

Why?  Because my parents told me I would and because at that time I’d never ever been to a wedding where there wasn’t a dollar dance.   Until I got older and moved away from the area where I grew up, I thought all weddings had dollar dances.

I can understand why people find them offensive.  I also don’t like the idea of shaking your guests down for cash.  My parents would be horrified at the thought of a cash bar or the notion that a guest should give a gift that covers his plate (not trying to start a whole ‘nother topic there..just saying that’s how they feel!)…but the dollar dance isn’t about the money.

A dollar is nominal.  I don’t think anyone does the dollar dance as a fundraiser.  I had 150 guests at my wedding, including children.  Had every guest there participated, we’d have grossed a whole $150.  But that just isn’t the point. 

To that end, I’ve seen a lot of brides get around the “gift-grab” feeling by either supplying dollars to the guests as they wait in line to dance with the bride and groom or distributing play dollars (which is what we did).  Where I grew up, everyone is familiar with the dollar dance and would be disappointed if it were omitted (though some were confused by the play money!). 

And to those who say guests shouldn’t have to pay for some face time with the bride and groom, I agree.  And that’s why I gave out play money for the guests to use.  But a lot of guests appreciate the ritualized one-on-one time with the bride and groom; they like an opportunity to dance with the bride without feeling like they have to find a good opportunity when she’s free or cut in on someone else’s dance with her.  The dollar dance gives each guest the opportunity to have some time alone with the bride (groom) without that awkwardness. I like that too as as guest.

Post # 80
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

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@lisa105: Your comment are mostly ok unless it’s on dollar dances or etiquette.  Then you just repeat your point over and over, and threadjack and condescend like crazy.

Every time I bring it up, you deflect the point and blame everyone else: they’re the rude ones, the flagging system is unfair, people have too thin a skin, they lack the ability to skip and not read a post, etc. etc.

But it’s not them that have generated more flags than anyone else in Weddingbee history. It’s you.

I keep hoping you will change your ways, but I’m getting the feeling that you feel like it’s not you that needs to change… it’s everyone else on Weddingbee.

Post # 81
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I guess I’ll be the brave soul who replies after MrBee….but listen, is there a special badge for most flagged in weddingbee history? ^_^

Post # 82
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

This is ridiculous. We’re grown women. Can we please act like it?

To the OP, if a dollar dance is really important to your Fiance, then you should do it. Once your other guests see how much your FI’s family will get into, they’ll understand that it’s a popular cultural tradition. Fiance and I went to his Indian co-worker’s wedding last year, and while we didn’t understand all of the aspects of the wedding, we would certainly never look down our noses at their traditions and label them “tacky” because we didn’t immediately understand them. I thought it was really fun and interesting to experience the traditions of a culture I don’t always have the opportunity to be exposed to. It’s fun to live a little, and not get so caught up in what everyone else thinks is ‘proper etiquette’. 

Post # 83
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

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@Neva:  Distributing play dollars.  PERFECT solution.  My problem with that whole thing is that I’m really opposed to the idea that a guest should ever have to open their wallet at a wedding or feel like they need to pay to participate fully in the day (even if it is just $1, it’s the principal of the thing to me).  Play dollars completely solves this issue.  WIN.

Post # 84
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Miss Tattoo: LOL Oh my….I knew from the title of this post that it was going to get interesting!

Post # 85
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Moose1209: I agree also!! And hadn’t thought about doing play money! I’m actually loving that idea!!

Post # 86
Member
4038 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We didn’t have a dollar dance at our wedding (but at that, we ended up not having any dancing at all) but two of my brothers did at their weddings ten or so years ago. Everyone that participated (most of the guests) had a blast. It was also one of the few times during the day that I had an opportunity to have a one on one moment alone with my brothers. One of them had the MOH/BM hand out dollars to the guests in line, the other had them waiting at the front of the line with pretty velvet bags. 

Post # 87
Member
7768 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow.  I am surprised people are so adament about this being “bad etiquette.”  The thing is- it varies by region.  I have seen them done in the midwest.  I saw someone have a “penny shower,” where people were suposed to bring money as gifts.  What is considered bad etiquette varies by regions and crowds.  And that’s for sure.

Post # 88
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I will be having one at my wedding and i dont feel its tacky. Like PP have said its not really about the money its more about the tradition, and its just another fun activity to have with your guests. You can give the guest money,use fake money, donate the money to charity, or do whatever else you want. If its important to your Fiance just do it. I promise most of your guests will not make as big of a deal of it as some of the bees have. Esp those who have not even seen or participated in a dollar dance.

Post # 89
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

In the South they have a “money” dance at every wedding…well at least every wedding that Ive ever been to had a money dance and its always a huge hit people love it and it gives people time to congrat. you and you hubby.

Post # 90
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

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@Miss Tattoo: I’m dying here at that last post.  I spilled my popcorn, I have kernels all over my desk, and I don’t know what to say to my staff members who are looking at me funny because I laughed outloud.  (literally).

Sometimes you can’t change people; but you can definitely pass some time at work reading their conversations.  lol

Post # 91
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@mrbee:  Actually, quite a few posters here like me and my posts just fine and have sent me more than a few PM’s telling me so.  As for repeating my point over and over, I’ve tried not to do that but when someone specifically responds to me, I assume its okay and appropriate to reply. 

As for the “threadjacking” – how bogus!  Almost every thread here of length goes in different directions – its the nature of conversations.  And again, threadjacking is totally subjective on the bee – an unpopular opinion or post is deemed “threadjacking” while others equally if not MORE off topic are ignored if not encouraged.  Not to mention one poster can’t really threadjack – others have to participate too!

I’ve said before I take full responsibility for my own posts and I also don’t believe I’ve ever said the flagging policy is unfair.  I just don’t see the point if the person being flagged isn’t made aware (until a Mod decides they want to call someone out publicly)  or isn’t actually breaking any rules.  If I’m breaking a rule, let me know – I’m happy to comply.  What I’m not going to do is take responsibility for others who flag just because they read something they don’t like.  That’s their problem and they can certainly exercise some self-control and ignore me and my posts if they find them upsetting. 

Lastly, if you or any of the other mods have a genuine issue with me, why has there never been ANY attempt to resolve it?  I’ve yet to receive a PM from a Mod – just snarky remarks and lectures in threads.  I understand and recognize this is your forum and you can set whatever rules you want and enforce them however you want – I would just hope that you would feel some obligation to at least try to be fair, consistent and objective. 

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