Post # 1
My Fiance just informed me that he wants to do a dollar dance… he’s filipino and its tradition in his family and I would love to honor that however i am not close with his family at all and I feel really uncomfortable dancing with all these people i dont know very well.
Have any of you ladies done this and how did it go?
Post # 3
@Pappy8: I had never heard of such dance until the other day my Future Mother-In-Law asked if we were doing one. I have decided not to since I’m pretty sure most of my guests like me have no clue what its about, but she said she got over $1,000 and that was 30 years ago.
Post # 4
It might be a good idea to put the feelers out to your family and non-filipino friends first. I know it is ok in some areas, but in others its a huge faux-pas. If most people are unfamiliar it might seem rude. Talk to your Fiance and his family as well if this is the case.
Post # 5
@Pappy8: I know it’s a cultural thing, but it personally makes me really uncomfortable. As a guest, I think I’d feel the same way. I know it’s voluntary and I know it’s a tradition for some cultures, but it gets under my skin a little bit. Plus, I honestly never bring cash to a wedding, and I’ve seen a lot of Bees say the same…so unless you’re telling people ahead of time, you’re running the risk of people not even having cash on them!
Post # 6
We did not want to do the dollar dance, but DH’s family started pinning dollar bills on us and everyone just followed suit. We got several hundred dollars just from that. I would have felt super weird announcing “now we’re going to have the dollar dance!” that would be awkward for me. But it wasn’t that weird the way they dit it.
Post # 7
I had a dollar dance and everyone participated. I didn’t make that much money at all… so if you’re doing it for the money, don’t do it! A dollar doesn’t go very far…
(Before I’m flamed, I did it for cultural reasons)
Post # 8
I personally think they are tacky, but if it is a cultural thing, you may want to do it to appease the future in-laws.
Post # 9
I think this a cultural/geographic tradition. Where I live (in the Northeast) I’ve never seen it done, however I have heard of it being done…do whatever feels right for you!
Post # 10
I think depending on the feeling of your friends and family and whether or not it’s done in your circles of family and friends, it could be a little awkward. In the south wehre i’m from, it’s not usually done and at our friend’s wedding, out of nowhere they deicded to do one. Not many people participated. Most weren’t sure what they were doing it for, some were a little put off that they were asking for $ outright almost, and some didn’t have cash on them. I’m a mixture of never having cash on me, not wanting to dance with the groom if I dont’ know him well, and thinking it’s just a bit….grabby?
ETA: please remember I’m coming from a place with no cultural context. I think that the culture and the fact that you and your family might not be familiar with it is a fine line and it may be perceived as odd or negative by some people who are unfamiliar.
Post # 11
I grew up seeing Dollar Dances as part of the tradition of my heritage. At first I didn’t understand what it was for until my mom explained it to me.
I do not believe it was appropriate to refer to a cultural tradition as “tacky”, because each culture has their own traditions which others may not be familiar with, however to refer to any cultural tradition as tacky seems offensive to me.
My parents asked (encouragingly) if we will be having a dollar dance. Since we are both of Hispanic Heritage, I do not have a problem with it. My Fiance wants one, and looks at it as a chance to get to know my side of the family through small conversation. win-win 🙂
Anyhoo, back to the original topic, since it is your wedding, do what you are comfortable with, however most people who have dollar dances are familiar with it, and usually look at dollar dances as the opportunity to get to know the other side of the family. Perhaps talk to your Fiance to see how you can have a compromise.
Post # 12
@evylise: I never thought about it this way, and I think you explained the benefits really well! That being said, it’s still frowned upon in my circle and would still make me uncomfortable personally, but you definitely gave some compelling reasons about why other people do it! If I ever see it done at a wedding, at least I’ll get why they chose to do it, even if I don’t agree with it myself.
Post # 13
I agree with evylise about people comenting on other peoples culture
@ op this may be a great way to meet his family its only for a short period of time
Post # 14
@abbie017: I’m glad that my reply gave some insight. Until my mom explained it to me, I thought it was just a long dance with everyone/ a money thing. I think it’s appropriate to do the dollar dance (or any tradition) only if the guests are familiar with it or you’re from an area where people do this, but if it frowned upon, then I agree that people may feel uncomfortable.
Post # 15
I grew up with dollar dances (but it’s not cultural). I actually think it can be very cute if your guests are familar with it. If not, it looks strange and appears to be begging. Since his side will be prepared, I agree with PP that you need to gauge your family and friends. If they are ok with the idea, there’s no harm in doing it. It’s only three or four minutes. You dance a couple of steps, take the money, and move on to the next person.
Post # 16
I also grew up with dollar dances as well, but didn’t have them at my wedding. I do think they are a lot of fun, and a way to get to talk to a lot of people at your wedding.
Whoever is cotrolling the line, have them only allow a minute of dancing with you. Enough for you to say, “Thanks so much for coming to the wedding! Are you having fun? How did you like dinner? Wasn’t the XXX awesome?” Just have a few standard questions that can help fill the time while you’re dancing and then have your bridesmaid or whoever move them along!