Post # 1
Hi, this is mostly a vent but also looking for a little advice 🙂
We are having a wedding in New England, even though we are living in SoCal. I wanted to get married in SoCal but since we are both from New England and have almost 70+ family members who mostly live there, I didn’t want all of those people to have to travel. Added together with all of our friends from the east coast, over 130 of our 170 guests will only have to travel 3 or so hours.
The point of my venting – 3 west coast people in the past week have complained about traveling for our wedding. 2 people said similar things joking around “why east coast? can’t you guys have a west coast reception too?” and another person accidentally texted me instead of a friend about a concert we all wanted to go to and said “i wanted to text the group ‘concert or east coast because i cant afford both!’ “.
I don’t expect everyone to attend. I would not be offended if they were to not come. But I just don’t know how to handle those situations because I’m obviously not going to say “just don’t come then”… Any advice for how to handle when people say things like this? In both cases of in-person comments, I explained most people are on the east coast. For the text, I just said “ouch!” but I’d love to have something meaningful and appropriate to say. Has anyone dealt with a similar reponse?
Post # 2
I don’t think the text from your friends by mistake was mean. It’s a statement of fact- they can’t afford to do both things because I’d the cost of travel.
The jokes about a West coast reception are probably just that, jokes. Any serious comment just smile and say were having an East coast wedding which is right for us and reduces the travel for most people. We’d live to see you, but understand its quite a trip.for you.
Post # 3
I live in California and got married last year in New England (hi!). We’re traveling back east twice this year for weddings, one of which is for our friends who live 2 miles away from us in SF. No one complained (at least to my face!), but we definitely understood it was a big trip for our west coast friends. I wouldn’t dream of complaining to our friends or anyone who invited me to their wedding, whether I could make it or not, but different strokes, different folks. I agree that DaisyBlossom
‘s reply is a good one if people are coming straight to you unhappy with the location. Just remember to be understanding for those that can’t travel — sounds like you definitely are!
Post # 4
ellyd23 : DaisyBlossom :
Thanks ladies! I guess I’m just sensitive to the jokes/comments. Totally understandable that not everyone will be able to travel. Not a problem at ALL and I knew that going in.
Post # 5
Most people are probably complaining because they really want to attend but can’t. It is a better way to look at it right!
Just say you are sorry but that it’s important to you guys to get married in New England and you are sorry they won’t make it but understand.
Post # 6
Yeah really rude. Go, don’t go, but don’t make the bride and groom feel shitty and self-conscious about their wedding plans.
Post # 7
When I get comments like that I just try to think that they’re complaining because they really want to come, else why would they bother complaining! Some people just have bad manners…
its perfectly normal to have your wedding where you are from, that’s what people in the UK do. Especially if a lot of people are still from the area. I would just factor in location to an airport for out of town guests and transport from ceremony to reception so people don’t need to rent cars.
Everyone coming to mine live all over the UK so a lot of people would be travelling and booking hotels either way sooo we decided to do it in Italy! May cost people a bit more but if they choose to come it’ll be a sunny weekend in a spectacular location with amazing food v wet weekend in Scotland with over-cooked meat 😂
At the end of the day it’s your wedding so you can do what you want. I think people forget that they don’t have to go!!
Post # 8
They are being rude, but I honestly wouldn’t let it bother you. Your family/majority of guests are from New England, and I am assuming you have older relatives who are unable to travel far. Plenty of people have the wedding where their families are located. It’s not like you picked a random destination that is inconvenient for everybody!
I would just be honest if it comes up again, but also show understanding. You could explain that family is in New England, and then say “I know flights are expensive, and there are no hard feelings if you are unable to make the trip.” Nobody should make you feel guilty over that!
Post # 9
My fiancés brother has been whinging about the cost of getting to our wedding- it’s a four hour drive for him. I don’t think he’d be happy unless we had it in his front yard, but hen he’d probably charge rent for that, he’s just a miserable ass.
You can’t please everyone!
Post # 10
“I’m so sorry you feel that way! It’s so tough trying to make a wedding work for 170 people who all mean so much to you.”
*kind sympathetic smile*
Post # 11
just be nice and gracious and say “I know youd love to be there but I dont blame you at all if you cant swing it”. You seriously cant please everyone with this stuff. Our families live all over so Im sure there was some bitching but they had the decency to not say it to our faces! Dont feel bad about things you cant control (peoples reactions).
Post # 12
Not everyone can come. That’s true of ALL weddings and life events. They can choose to give you guys showers and parties (our friends did when we destination eloped to Jamaica. We asked that no one try to surprise us for lots of reasons, partly because I did not want to deal with hurt feelings or one set of friends taking out a mortgage to be able to go.) H has social anxiety but wanted a “nice” wedding, and his mom was upset we did not want to get married in her living room.
You can’t please everyone, so do what works mostly for you, and if others can go, great. If not, sorry, but it’s your wedding.