(Closed) Domestic violence in my apartment building… need to vent

posted 8 years ago in Home
Post # 17
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I find the answer you got from management odd. It will be “dealt with”, in what way? I hope that doesn’t mean kicking them out because of the incidents. Unfortunately that is usually what management does when it’s renters, they don’t want police showing up every day.  

Post # 18
Member
6245 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

@occhiblu:  Exactly.  Double edged sword. 

 

@mandypop: Personally, I don’t know what is the right thing to do but I just wanted to say thank you for watching out for this woman.  Even if she never gets the chance to thank you, know that you are doing a good thing and trying to protect her.

Post # 19
Member
5474 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

My college roommate had an abusive boyfriend.  I heard her scream once (he had thrown her down a flight of stairs) and I immediately ran to see what happened.  I wasn’t thinking AT ALL- I got in his face, called him a lowlife pussy, and DARED him to hit me.  He didn’t, he was a coward.  It took a long time for my roomie to figure out that this was not a healthy relationship.  She didn’t feel like she had anywhere safe to go, so if she broke up with him she knew he would find her, and kill her.

She has since broken free of this maniac.  She is happy, healthy, and single in a different town and doing very well- but it took a long time and a lot of encouragement and support.  I am so thankful that you are willing to get involved to help someone else out.  What if that were my friend living above you?  What if nobody called until it was too late?  You’re doing the right thing.

Post # 20
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@mandypop I’ve never met you or replied to a post from you and don’t know why – but I felt proud of you for reacting this way. I’ve whitnessed a couple of DV situations in my life (not to me directly) and it’s harrowing, even if it’s not happening to you. I’m passionate about making a noise about how very wrong and unacceptable it is.

I know some say it’s just going to make things worse but it’s human kind to want to protect someone else who’s being hurt, regardless of whether or not you know them. What the alternative? Ignore it and hope it works out? You are doing the right thing,

Post # 21
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Keep calling. This might sound paranoid, but you don’t know when the level might drastically go up. If they’re really neighbors, what if one of them pulls out a gun, fires, and the bullet comes flying through your apartment? I’ve heard of stray bullets going into apartments before. I had a similar situation, but I could hear them being physical. I was afraid of the bullet situation, so I called EVERY TIME. And every time I called I let the apartment place know. Either they needed to separate or they needed to be kicked out, imo.

Post # 22
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

You are doing the right thing by leaving it to the police. I know it’s hard to hold back because you just want to punch the guy (or throw a ceramic frog at him), but it might do more harm than good. You can actually get arrested for assaulting him or worse he could decide to attack you as well.

The cops are right that it will just take one time of catching him in the act or seeing a visible mark on the female. And if they get enough calls, which they probably have, they might even start to camp out at times when they know the couple will be home and try to catch them.

My sister’s townhouse shares a wall with a single mother of an 18 year old kid. The Mom frequently goes out on the town and leaves her son alone and almost every time he throws a huge party. At first, my sister tried talking to the Mom and she promised to make her son stop throwing parties, but it didn’t work and the Mom got nasty and defensive. So they started calling the cops, but the son would catch on to it adn turn out all the lights and not answer the door when they came. Finally, the cops just camped out one night with their headlights off and waited until someone came outside, then they pounced. They were all cited for underage drinking and the parties totallystopped after that!

Post # 23
Member
2979 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you’re doing the right thing too. I would have called the police on him. Just please make sure you’re staying safe! 

Post # 24
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

 since men who beat their wives are usually little piece of shit cowards who can’t handle a girl who doesn’t put up with it!”

Yes, but that coward might also have a gun, and I’m willing to bet his wife is not the only woman he doesn’t respect, so keep calling the police, but please don’t confront him.  In a battle between a handgun and a ceramic frog, I think you’d be outmatched unfortunately.

Post # 25
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I know it seems like it’s not helping, but keep. Calling.

Did you also ask the police if they can take a statement from you re: seeing him holding her by the hair?

Post # 26
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

The problem was that they were screaming in Korean, which I dont speak – so I couldn’t tell if they were just having it out over a burned dinner, or threatening to kill each other.

Post # 27
Member
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry, that must be so frustrating to hear all the time.

Post # 29
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

Wth? Most of my post didn’t show up. Sweet.

Well, I was just saying I thought that quote was funny… ’til I read the rest of the post.

But you’re doing the right thing & handling it well, as far as I’m concerned! I hope she decides to leave before he breaks her face (or worse). Those situations are always so sad.

Post # 30
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Keep reporting. You’re doing the right thing. If something ever happens, it’ll be documented that there was ongoing turbulence.

Nor should you have to sit and listen to that piece of shit.

Good for you for shouting at him.

Post # 31
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Maybe you can call some Korean churches in the neighborhood. There may be resources in her language that she didn’t know were avaiable. Or they may just try to befriend her and once she is in a supportive community find the stregth to leave.

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