Domestic Violence / Upstairs Neighbors

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
6145 posts
Bee Keeper

I haven’t had to deal with something like this, but keep calling the police, every time it happens. At least there will then be a record.

Post # 3
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee

Keep calling the police. And if you can, when the yelling starts record audio. So that he can’t weasel out of it by saying that you just misheard or are mad at them being loud.

Post # 4
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Do you know what they look like? Do you ever see her outside where you could slip her a note? It might help her one day to know the downstairs neighbor is aware of the abuse and maybe even that she has somewhere to run if she needs to escape quickly.

Post # 5
Member
444 posts
Helper bee

We dealt with this several years ago. Neighbors to the right fought all the time screaming but not violence physically. We called the police a few times and then moved. I think its a great idea to somehow slip her a note or let her know that she can run to your place if needed. I would keep calling the cops every time and call the landlord and ask that he talk to them without revealing the complaintant. Maybe if the man knows people are listening he will tone it down out of fear? Sorry you are having to deal with this, its stressful to have to hear a couple fighting and yelling.

Post # 7
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Keep calling the police each time; it will build a record of calls that will be very helpful.  Also, consider reaching out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline http://www.thehotline.org/ for additional guidance, they may be able to connect you with a local DV shelter or recommendations around connecting with her in a safe way to help her build a safety plan.  

Did you tell the building manager or the dispatchers about the choking comment?  Please do.  Strangulation is (I believe) the leading cause of death during abuse, it is considered attempted murder to do so.  It should NEVER be taken lightly.  

The bystander effect is very real, I truly commend you for the thoughtful steps that you have taken so far.  

Post # 9
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My parents dealt with this when I was a kid. Our downstairs neighbours were constantly fighting and at first my parents called the police every time it sounded violent, but after a while they called after every argument because it was a noise complaint as well as a worry about domestic violence (these fights were LOUD and lasted several hours). I don’t remember what happened, we ended up moving, but I know the police attended frequently.

Post # 10
Member
345 posts
Helper bee

Good job that you called the cops (bad on the cops side that they showed up later,  what if your neighbour was killing her).  

All I can suggest is keep calling the police when you can hear the abuse starting.   The victim is not going to call the police.   I am sure she is hoping someone will come to her defense or at least call the police.

Post # 11
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think you should try to slip her a note or try to talk to her. I’d be worried about him finding out and him taking it out on her… Maybe I watch too much tv.

I think it’s best you keep your distance and just keep calling the police. 

Post # 12
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

Firstly, I wouldnt try to slip her a note or communicate with her or anything like that- the husband could get suspicious and take it out on her. I agree with pps, keep calling the police. If you can, it would be grea to get a recording of them fighting, particularly if she makes any comments like the choking etc again. Having proof of it could help if the cops ever catch him in the act and she refuses to press charges, which many battered women will do. If you continue calling the police and they continue to take forever to show up, you could take the recording to the police station and that should hopefully motivate them to respond faster next time, or they might even go and check it out then. I hope this situation resolves and that that woman makes it out okay

Post # 13
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

I was in an abusive relationship many years ago. My Boyfriend or Best Friend at the time would yell, throw things, and at times physically hit/strangle me. One night our neighbours called the police and they showed up at our door. We had lots of neighbours so I don’t know which one. 

When my Boyfriend or Best Friend answered the door he told me to stay inside (I had a swollen cheek from that night and black eye on its way). The cops asked to come see if I was okay. He told them I just had a cold to poorly explain away my face and said that we had been arguing. It was that night I realized I was in trouble and had to get out of the situation. He’d been a classic abuser and I didn’t see the signs until I felt too worthless to leave. It took me about 6 more months and lots of help from friends to get away, but I’m still so grateful to that neighbour and the police. 

Post # 14
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

And for what it’s worth- he could find a note, it would be better to just quickly say something if you see her alone if you’d like to offer her the option of knocking on your door if she’s ever in a bad spot. 

Post # 15
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’d be nervous about him finding a note and showing up at your door. If he is abusive to her and likes her, he probably wouldn’t have any qualms about violence towards you. 

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