Post # 16
As well as calling the police every time, I think you should document the times and dates when it is happening and if you hear anything specific (such as the choking). If she eventually did leave him or report him herself, your notes would back up the days she reported and could count as evidence if he tried to deny it. I wouldnt send a note incase he reads it but I would try to contact her when she is alone.
Post # 17
I agree with calling the police every time and taking notes about what you hear and when, plus recordings if possible.
I do share some of the PPs reservations about slipping her a note though. He could find the note or she could tell him about it and he could take it out on her or come after you. If anything, I’d just try to engage her in a friendly way, subtly letting her know that you are a safe person without bringing up the abuse.
Post # 18
If you’re comfortable you could slip a note under the door inviting her down for a cup of tea or something? Use getting to know each other as an excuse?
Post # 19
I love the idea of slipping your neighbor a note with the guise of getting to know her better. Also, I agree about calling the police every time it happens. They HAVE to investigate 911 calls even if they’re just noise complaints. You could also mention, last time they fought he choked her so they should send someone ASAP.
Post # 20
Oh goodness. I lived in a complex where it did not matter where I moved or who moved in by or above me. Always some guy beating the you know what out of their spouse. I called the cops all the time. And this was a fancy area…
One time the wife was yelling bloody murder and getting hurt bad… cops arrived and heard it. Knock on door and guy answers saying “oh sorry sir… we were just talking on the phone loud”..
I’m telling you… call every time. It’s a paper trail for the one being abused as well if they decide to stop their abuser… Or proof of violence if it gets to be worse case scenario.
Post # 21
Sorry, Fridays are my busy days at work so I haven’t had a chance to check in on this!
Thank you all for providing advice. Just to clarify, I agree that trying to slip her a note about the abuse would be dangerous, I was just at a loss on communicating with someone I’ve never even really seen.
There is potentially good news here, though it’s impossible to know for now. I haven’t heard any arguing since then, and most importantly, I don’t think they have been home at the same time since. We’re pretty sure he was home in the evening, and then heard his motorcycle leave (and not come back) last night. I have heard some noises upstairs (but no talking) and neither the car or motorcycle (which are both his, which I’m sure makes it even harder for her) are in the parking area. We’re keeping our fingers crossed that this means she had family or something come to help her move out, but I know that might be overly optimistic.
Keeping a log in addition to continuing calling the police is a good one. I’ll note the day this happened (there’s also an email trail with the building management) and will do so if it is not the case that one or both of them have moved out. Here’s to hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.