(Closed) Dominican and White

posted 5 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

I think you need to talk to your Fiance and tell him that you dont like it when they talk to you like that and can he please talk to them about it. I wouldnt simply ignore it or pay it off in jest if you are not comfortable. They need to know that you are his soon to be wife and they cant just treat you like another “girl” theyve met (although they really shouldnt treat anyone like that) 

I dealt with the sister thing too when she told me to leave the house (not the room the house) when shes on the phone to my fiancee. Shes also said many other things which were meant to be in jest, but I dont believe theyre in jest especially when nothing else positive is said towards me. I really had to stand my ground and point out to Fiance its not cool. Its caused a few arguments, fiance has had to stand up for me which is horrible as you shoudnt have to against family but im his future wife and our family comes first. Everyone is civil now and no one sees me as another girl now. 

I dont know about you but I am making big sacrifices to be with my fiance and he knows he has to fight in my corner 100% of the time for this to work. Your fiance needs to realise youre going to be his wife and he needs to demand that everyone treats you with respect. 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@jasonkatie2014:  I am so sorry to hear you are dealing with this all! I think you need to tell your fiance that this needs to be nipped in the bud ASAP.

 

My father is Italian and my mother is Hispanic (her parents are from Spain) and they went through a VERY similar situation. Both were treated poorly by each other’s parents. When I was born, my father’s parents wised up and doted on me and all that changed…however my mom’s parents still act like jerks from time to time (even going as far as referring to me as their “white girl”). Not cool, grandma and grandpa! My dad did everything he could do to please them…and eventually gave up and said “If you don’t like me then that’s fine.” Suddenly, they started acting a little differently.

I would really suggest stepping up and not allowing them to treat you in any way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately, some people are jealous, some like to see how far they can push another person around. Always be kind and tactful, but be strong and do not allow them to walk all over you. If you allow them to continue with this behavior it will cause issues in your relationship with your fiance…and what happens when you all have kids? 

Hope that helped some!

Post # 7
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jasonkatie2014:  I think they are just being “catty and rude”, or either their joking but taking it too far. I am also white and my Fiance is spanish (from Honduras). None of his friend’s or family memebers have ever acted this way towards me, they are always kind and welcoming. They should treat you with a little bit more respect. 

Post # 9
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ugh. What a pain! Sorry you have to deal with this.

How long have you been together/around his family?

I’m white and have been with my Mexican Fiance for almost 4 years and am just now feeling comfortable around his family. They always made jokes about the white girl, talked about how different the food that I cook is from theirs, make jokes because I work and the women in their family don’t, etc., etc. They do it all jokingly but it does leave you feeling self-concious and a little betrayed by your Fiance.

I eventually learned to pick back at them, joke around, smile and KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS. They now are really accepting and defend me when acquaintances come over at their crazy holidays and celebrations and start talking about white people…

 

If it helps you feel better, just wanted to let you know that I know a ba-JILLION Dominicans and will say that the women are infamous for their tough attitudes and are very territorial of their sons/cousins/friends/etc. Much more so than Mexicans, in my experience.

 

I’m not saying you should suck it up and deal with it, though. Talk to your Fiance and he should be willing to stick up for you! Or at least tell you how you can get back at them so they will stop. 😉 Good luck.

 

Post # 11
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I am very sorry you are going through something like this. Let me tell you, I am Dominican and I can promise you not all of us are like your fiance’s family. I consider us to be very friendly and social but unfortunately just like in every race and/or community you will find exceptions.

I think your soon to be husband needs to stand up for you! You are the woman he is about to marry and he needs to support you at all times, specially in something so important like the relationship between you and his family. My boyfriend’s family is European, and we have been together for four years and already thinking about making bigger steps in our relationship. His family (just like your fiance’s) doesn’t like the fact that I am not from the same country and culture as they are. However, he has defended me anytime they say something (never in front of me) and just as you I am worried that when we have kids the drama will continue as to why my kids are not being raised the way they raise their kids. However, having his support makes me feel that it will all be Ok. I say you need to speak to your fiance before you make such a  big step as marrying him. SPECIALLY since you don’t feel his support and protection. Good luck!!!

Post # 12
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@jasonkatie2014:  That sounds like a really frustrating situation. I don’t really have any new advice, other than to agree that he needs to stick up for you. Perhaps he can teach you some more of their slang so they can’t get away with as many jokes in your prescence?

 

I have experienced some similar teasing/harrassment when I stayed with a host family in costa rica. The parents were VERY kind and hospitable, and their teenage kids were okay, but kinda had attitudes toward to 2 “white girls” staying with them. THEY didn’t say anything, but when they had friends over, the friends liked to talk REALLY fast and use a lot of slang to see if we could tell they were talking about us/making fun of us.

 

One of them asked if I was a lesbian, because I had  “boy” haircut! I was standing RIGHT THERE, and I just politely interrupted and said that I preferred men! But it pissed me off, for sure.

Post # 13
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My FI’s family is from Mexico and they are wonderful, completely welcoming all the way around.

I think it’s kind of hilarious that your FI’s Dominican family has so much to say about white people. They are not a race but an ethnic group made up of indigenous people, black Africans, and Europeans. They’re a mish mash and the appearance of Dominicans varies greatly!

Anyway, I noticed that you mentioned that how his family celebrates holidays and it makes you extremely uncomfortable. What about it makes you uncomfortable? Do you think his family might be picking up on that?

Post # 14
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@jasonkatie2014:  It really sucks that u have to go through all this stress bbefore your wedding. I hope it all gets resolved. I don’t know how your fiancé is or his family, but I’m hHispanic and have never ever in my life went to a wedding where our people took “Tupperware and doggy bags” from a wedding. 

The topic ‘Dominican and White’ is closed to new replies.

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