- 7 years ago
Just want to mention here that it is a Jewish tradition to “invite” the needy and homeless in your community to all “life cycle events” (any celebrations) and traditionally, no one is to be served before the needy are served. In mordern times, this is practiced by donating to anti-hunger organizations to symbolically represent this tradition. We were already planning on donating to anti-hunger organizations to honor this tradition, but maybe that is just enough. We can do that donation and do the favor and no one will be upset..
There’s no logic to this silly current custom. No, just don’t, no.
And don’t feel that you ave to give a “favor,” because those are unnecessary. Personally, I hate being saddled with cheap crap form China.
I’ve seen this done before and loved it (probably moreso because I’m a volunteer for that particular charity and it was a mere coincidence that the bride and groom chose that one).
I would however not recommend it. I for one never expect a favour but in our culture they are very much the norm and although I don’t tend to pay much attention to the favours at most weddings (I generally leave them right where they are), I have a collection as “memories” from weddings of very close loved-ones. I’d hate to have that opportunity taken away from me but I’m crazy sentimental.
I also know of one bride and groom who claimed they were doing this but never actually donated any money and now whenever a lot of my circle of friends see this at a wedding we don’t believe it at all. It just makes the bride and groom look cheap. Like fair enough don’t provide favours but also don’t lie about where the money is going just to look good!!
The thought behind it is great but either you decide to give your guests a favour or decide not to, but to decide to take something from them and gift it to someone else on their behalf really is a no-go.
You just don’t need to tell your guests that you have done it.
We don’t normally tell all our friends and family when we make a donation. Why now? Why at your wedding? Just make the donation and have the self confidence to not feel like you owe your guests an explanation, because you don’t.
Unless a) I get to choose the charity and b) I get the tax write-off, this is not a favor done in honor to me.
If you want to draw attention to the charity, make a sign somewhere that says something like, “To celebrate this occasion, the bride and groom have donation to XYZ, a charity that aims to [short description here]. For more info, visit their website.”
Don’t tell me this donation was done by skipping favors.
You failed to read what we actually said. No one said that trinkets trump kindness. NO ONE. I’ll repeat myself:
1) Favors are not necessary. Feel 100% free to skip them.
2) Donate to the charity of your choice as much as it pleases you.
3) Don’t donate to a charity and label it a “favor to me”. It isn’t one. (When you do, it makes you look like you really just wanted the opportunity to let me know just how generous you are to charities. Otherwise, you could have simply donated and not announced it to me.)
Donating to a charity is great. Go ahead!
Favors are totally unnecessary at a wedding. They are not childhood birthday parties, where guests might otherwise be upset to find that they are not the center of attention.
The two concepts are not connected at all. It is self promoting and not polite to tell your guests you were thinking of giving them something, but decided against it since you are such a charitable person. If you want to give, don’t presume to make it about your guests.
Why is donating in lieu of favours even a thing anyways?
Why use your wedding as a way to promote “your donation” to charity. I believe that is more the issue.
If you want to donate to charity that badly why not have your guests do so in lieu of giving you a gift…
They are controversial on here, but only you know your friends and family; ours really appreciated them and we had a lot of positive comments.
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