(Closed) Donate to charity instead of traditional wedding favor

posted 7 years ago in Favors
Post # 18
Member
3076 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

There’s no logic to this silly current custom. No, just don’t, no.

And don’t feel that you ave to give a “favor,” because those are unnecessary. Personally, I hate being saddled with cheap crap form China.

Post # 20
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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MrsSmith12:  

ive been to several weddings where the bride and groom gave a donation in lieu of a favor and never once did it cross my mind that “my ‘gift’ was taken away and given to someone else” 

Post # 21
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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MrsSmith12:  I’m glad you brought this up because I was toying eith the idea myself. I come from a military family and have veterans from five wars attendin. I was thinking of doing small donations in each guests name for Wounded Warrior, as it is a charity very near and personal for several family members. It makes me sad to see all thes people say no. What kind of world is this where silly souveniers trump kindness and genorosity. I guess I say do what you want.

Post # 22
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee

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coffeedrinker:  I don’t see anyone saying that they must have a favor; I see a lot of people saying that charity is very, very personal and that if you make a donation in your guests’ name without asking their permission, you run a high risk of needlessly offending one of them.  Since charity is personal, weddings, which are social events that usually bring together diverse groups of people, are not the forum to advance your social agenda, which may clash with some of your guests’ social agendas, no matter how dear your social agenda is to you.  Just because you (general you, not you in particular, coffeedrinker) are getting married does not give you the right to push your agenda, even in a very subtle way (like through cards announcing a charitable donation), on people at your wedding reception, since your guests cannot object to your choice of charity without looking like absolute boors.

Post # 23
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ve seen this done before and loved it (probably moreso because I’m a volunteer for that particular charity and it was a mere coincidence that the bride and groom chose that one).

I would however not recommend it. I for one never expect a favour but in our culture they are very much the norm and although I don’t tend to pay much attention to the favours at most weddings (I generally leave them right where they are), I have a collection as “memories” from weddings of very close loved-ones. I’d hate to have that opportunity taken away from me but I’m crazy sentimental.

I also know of one bride and groom who claimed they were doing this but never actually donated any money and now whenever a lot of my circle of friends see this at a wedding we don’t believe it at all. It just makes the bride and groom look cheap. Like fair enough don’t provide favours but also don’t lie about where the money is going just to look good!!

The thought behind it is great but either you decide to give your guests a favour or decide not to, but to decide to take something from them and gift it to someone else on their behalf really is a no-go.

Post # 24
Member
30400 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
coffeedrinker:  Don’t toy with the idea. If donating to the Wounder Warrier project is a better use of your money than giving a favor to your guests ( and to be clear, in my mind almost anything is more important than some cheap trinket), then donate the money and don’t have a favor.

You just don’t need to tell your guests that you have done it.

We don’t normally tell all our friends and family when we make a donation. Why now? Why at your wedding? Just make the donation and have the self confidence  to not feel like you owe your guests an explanation, because you don’t.

Post # 25
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Unless a) I get to choose the charity and b) I get the tax write-off, this is not a favor done in honor to me.

If you want to draw attention to the charity, make a sign somewhere that says something like, “To celebrate this occasion, the bride and groom have donation to XYZ, a charity that aims to [short description here].  For more info, visit their website.”

Don’t tell me this donation was done by skipping favors.

Post # 26
Member
625 posts
Busy bee

 

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coffeedrinker:  What kind of world is this where silly souveniers trump kindness and genorosity. I guess I say do what you want.

 

You failed to read what we actually said. No one said that trinkets trump kindness. NO ONE. I’ll repeat myself:

1) Favors are not necessary. Feel 100% free to skip them.

2) Donate to the charity of your choice as much as it pleases you.

3) Don’t donate to a charity and label it a “favor to me”. It isn’t one. (When you do, it makes you look like you really just wanted the opportunity to let me know just how generous you are to charities. Otherwise, you could have simply donated and not announced it to me.)

 

Post # 27
Member
13930 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Donating to a charity is great. Go ahead! 

Favors are totally unnecessary at a wedding. They are not childhood birthday parties, where guests might otherwise be upset to find  that they are not the center of attention.

The two concepts are not connected at all. It is self promoting and not polite  to tell your guests you were thinking of giving them something, but decided against it since you are such a  charitable person. If you want to give, don’t presume to make it about your guests. 

 

Post # 28
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Why is donating in lieu of favours even a thing anyways?

Why use your wedding as a way to promote “your donation” to charity. I believe that is more the issue.

If you want to donate to charity that badly why not have your guests do so in lieu of giving you a gift…

Post # 29
Member
7571 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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coffeedrinker:  Further to what everyone else has said why the favours? Why not a less expensive dress or secondhand  with the money saved given to charity? Why not the centrepieces? Or the fancy bouquet, just carry a single rose. Or the million other trinkets that people buy for their wedding? Or even the honeymoon?

Post # 30
Member
5528 posts
Bee Keeper

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MrsSmith12:  we kind of did both; Cancer Research UK make wedding favour pin badges that you can buy with a donation so we went with these, as cancer has affected us and all of our guests in some way. We chose ‘ribbon’ badges with blue crystals for the men, and glittery hearts designed by Suzanne Neville for the women. They went down really well and almost everyone wore them and took them home. We didn’t want to spend money on useless tat for the sake of it, and as far as edible favours go, we kind of felt that with the canapés, three course meal, evening buffet,  cake, and pretty much free-flowing alcohol, that people had more than enough without sugared almonds/truffles/whisky miniatures.. At the same time, we did want to give something physical, and didn’t like the idea of just saying ‘we donated to charity in lieu of favours’. So this allowed us to marry the two: give a physical favour, but also donate to a charity that we know our guests support. 

They are controversial on here, but only you know your friends and family; ours really appreciated them and we had a lot of positive comments. 

  • This reply was modified 7 years ago by barbie86.

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