- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
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I’ve seen this done at a couple of weddings and I love the idea. I honestly don’t even remember what the favours were at most of the weddings I’ve been to… the ones I remembered were the cards indicating that a donation had been made instead. I much prefer to see a couple giving money somewhere that it is needed rather than wasting money on trinkets that won’t really mean anything to me beyond “oh, isn’t that cute”.
In terms of pet peeves, it is a very, very small one. I would much prefer no favors or a tiny favor than being told that instead of there being a favor there was a donation to a charity of the bride and groom’s choice. That’s not a favor, it is awesome and I don’t need a favor, but calling it a favor to me doesn’t make it a favor. Just give to charity, don’t do favors, and no one will notice or be offended.
We did it. We didn’t throw it in people’s faces though. We had one 8×10 framed sign in the cocktail area that said a donation had been made. Everyone loved it. We also had a photobooth and guests got to take home a film strip with their pictures, so we also had a more traditional favor.
I am amazed at the WIDE variety of things that bother people on this website. If I were at your wedding, my reaction would be “oh, that’s nice.” I wouldn’t use any more brain power on this, and I would like to think that the vast majority of your guests wouldn’t work themselves into a tizzy over your choice of “favor.”
If you donate to a cause and don’t tell everyone, is it not as satisfying?
I just don’t get this need to make a donation and call it a wedding favor. Just donate to a cause near and dear to your heart and don’t use your wedding as a vehicle to let everyone know how generous you are.
I’m adding in my 2 cents to the “don’t do it” crowd. People won’t miss it if you skip the favor all together, but if you chose a charity they find offensive they’ll be in a bad mood at your wedding. OR you pick a charity they do support, because of a personal connection and it makes them sad (i.e. a cancer charity reminding them of a recently deceased family member).
The only time I’ve seen charity as a “favor” and liked it was my bridal shower. And they actually had physical favors for the guests as well, so it was more of a gift to me than anything that they made a donation to a charity that is very near and dear to me (as well as my grandmothers who have both since based and it’s something that makes me feel close to them that we all support it).
Maybe I’m in the minority, or it could just be my social circle/family, but I don’t want some trinket to bring home and clutter up the house or some food that I shouldn’t be eating anyway. I got to see loved ones get married, I was given food, booze, and dessert. And I got to dance all night with people I love. I don’t need a favor.
I wouldn’t do it “in honor” of your guests because unless you’re actually donating in each and every one of their names, it’s not in their honor. We are donating to the Alpha-1 foundation in lieu of in his dad’s honor who died 2 years ago. Everyone we’ve told so far loves it and comments that they don’t really want a favor anyway.
Just remember: everything you do at a wedding is tacky. SOMEONE is going ot be offended and think something is tacky. You can’t please anyone, so please yourself.
Donating to charity can be a wonderful and very fulfilling action (and I do love that Jewish tradition you mentioned). But donating to charity is not a thank-you to your guests, it is just a donation to charity.
Many of your guests may have different feelings about a chosen charity (even the best ones have opponents, and not because they disagree with the cause necessarily, but how they go about trying to effect change). So for them, the donation would not be “in appreciation of/in honor of” them whatsoever.
I disagree that a wedding cannot be a place to express your social and political opinions as a couple (though I do believe it’s not the primary place). I just think that pretending it is a thank-you to your guests is disingenuous.
If you want to do more, that is great. Buy a used dress, cut down on the number of tiers in the cake, skip the sparkler exit, don’t have centerpieces, use online invitations instead of paper ones..use that money and give it to the nonprofit of your choice. And if you still want to tell your guests and make it a part of the wedding, then put a little note at the center of each table saying “in lieu of centerpieces we have donated to XYZ nonprofit”. Or have a little XYZ nonprofit logo button on your used dress/make cufflinks out of them. Put a note somewhere on your wedding website saying that instead of mailing out invites you sent the money you would have used on gorgeous letterpress to XYZ nonprofit, and (even better!) here’s the link for more information..
..but don’t pretend it’s about your guests.
I love this , do it .
I’m honestly surprised by all the negativity here. I think it’s a beautiful idea – I’ve been to weddings where it has been done, and no one had a problem with it at all. I think your heart is in the right place and the money would do better in a charity than it would going to cheap junk most people just throw out after the wedding is over anyway.
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