Post # 1
We’re not doing donation favors. We considered it, but since we’re having a destination wedding and a local reception at a later date, we figured actual favors would be more appropriate. I do like the idea of donation favors though!
One hypothetical question: What would you do if the organization listed you absolutely disagreed with? (One I can personally think of for me is PETA, I would be so incredibly ticked-off if someone donate to PETA “in my name”!)
Post # 3
I wouldn’t do anything. I mean, what could you do? Go up to the bride on her wedding day and start a conversation on the ethics of an organization that was close to her heart? I might privately complain to my husband about it. Some things you just have to let go!
Post # 5
I’d just ignore it. At least I didn’t actually put my own money into the organization lol.
Post # 6
I never thought about it. I’d probably let it go. I’m not sure how donation favors work, but my guess is they probably don’t name every guest one-by-one. Someone correct me if I’m wrong on that, though.
Post # 7
@ samantha123 – Very true, you can’t really make the bride undo it or whatever. And you certainly couldn’t confront her about it! But I think I might end up venting to the other people at my table despite my attempts to bite my tongue.
I saw a cute idea, where people were giving tokens and they could drop them in the organization of their choice (3-4 organizations to choose from), and then the bride & groom would donate $1 per token in the jar.
Post # 8
@tntrav44: That’s a good point – that would take forever! You’ve got to let it go. They’re not going to take the money back, even if you complain.
Post # 9
I’d be annoyed, especially if it was an organization I outright opposed. But I would just grumble about it privately.
I’m curious if this happens often? If I were to do donation favors, I would make sure it was to something fairly non-controversial – like the rescue group we adopted our cat from, or hte homeless shelter where I worked. There are other groups that I personally give money to (like Planned Parenthood) that I would never use for favors, since I know how much that would offend some people.
The one exception I can think of – I would seriously consider donating to a marriage equality organization, since a wedding seems like a particularly apt time to do that. Some people might object to that, but to me it seems like such a basic issue of justice that I might do it anyway.
(This is moot for me, since we’re not doing favors at all.)
Post # 10
I’ve actually wondered about this too. Most of the time, I’ve seen brides use charities like the Canadian Cancer Society…which is something most people wouldn’t argue about.
I wouldn’t do anything if I didn’t agree with the choice of location…well, maybe I’d complain about it afterwards, but I would never say anything to the bride.
We did donation favours and had a really…disparate group of people attending our wedding (trust fund kids, farmers, teachers, factory workers, PhD students…you get it), so what we did was give people a choice of four charities. They checked (anonymously) the charity of their choice. We thought it gave the guests a bit more control. 🙂
Post # 11
Favors aren’t mandatory. Getting a little gift is a nice bonus, but are certainly not necessary. Guests are already getting free food, drink, entertainment, etc. So I think it’d be really tacky for anyone to be like “umm you know the generous charitable donation you made in my honor, i don’t agree with it.” lol
Post # 12
@abbyful: One of my close friends did something like this. Everyone had a woven ball at their place setting and she had big apothecary jars set up, one for each charity with info about each charity on a big board. You would go up, choose your charity, and put your ball in the appropriate jar. They counted all the balls and donated based on percentages I believe (so if they had an overall donation of $1000 and 50% of the balls went into the WWF vase then $500 got donated to WWF, etc). It was pretty neat and everyone really loved the interactive nature of it!
Post # 14
I wouldn’t say anything to the couple, but I’d probably make a donation or do some volunteer work later for an organization I do support to “make up for it”. Luckily, all the couples I know who did donation favors selected non-controversial charities.
Post # 15
It’s not my decision to make! I wouldn’t be annoyed/pissed off – its just a “favor” donation, not like my name is on a wall supporting an orginization that I disagree with. IMO, this is not a big deal at all 🙂
Post # 16
I have thought of doing this but we would do the MS Society, since FI’s sister has MS and my Uncle does as well. but i like the idea of having 3 or 4 to pick from!