(Closed) Donation in lieu of favors — help appreciated!

posted 5 years ago in Favors
Post # 3
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@licoricetea3:  Honestly, I would just hand out the kisses as favors and maybe put the donation message on a memorial table to honor your FI’s father.  I’m not a huge fan for donations in lieu of favors (it’s not really a favor), and trying to combine the kisses with the donation seems a bit forced IMO.

Post # 4
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@housebee:  +1, I was thinking the same thing. It doesn’t do anything for me personally if you are donating to charity…unless I get the tax receipt. If you choose to do it as a memorial, great. But I would bag the kisses and use them as a favour.

Post # 5
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012




I like the idea of putting something up at the memorial table and using the kisses as the favor.

Post # 6
133 posts
Blushing bee

The favors are for the guests to thank them for wedding gifts.  It doesn’t really seem appropriate to “skip” giving them favors and choose to support your cause instead.  Usually when weddings have donations “in lieu of” it’s “in lieu of wedding presents, please make a donation to blank.”

Post # 7
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

@licoricetea3:  I’m going to go against the crowd here and say that I’d have no problem with it. As a guest; you’ve fed, watered and entertained me for the last few hours – I really don’t need a present to say thank you.

Post # 8
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@oldmatron:  A-ha! I knew something sounded funny about that. I have heard of the couple asking their guests to donate to their cause rather than giving them gifts, but I have never heard of the couple donating to their own cause rather tha giving their guests a token.

Post # 9
963 posts
Busy bee

The donation is not a favour, it’s in lieu of a favour. It irks me when people point out it’s not a favour and it shouldn’t be done. The whole point is to put the money to something more worthwhile. Personally, I think feeding a meal, giving free drinks and free entertainment should be a good enough thanks for the guests. 

I think your idea sounds fine. It would not bother me at all. 

Post # 10
1010 posts
Bumble bee

@licoricetea3:  Personally, while I think it’s really sweet of you to want to donate to the cause, skimping on anything that involve the guests is just a no-no in my book. Why is never “in lieu of flowers” or “in lieu of programs…we used the money for this cause”. Instead it’s “we didn’t want to spend money on something for YOU [guest]”.

Like when brides buy a $4000 dress but skimp on food or favors. I know it’s not my place to tell anyone what to do with their money or how to spend it, but it irks me a little.

Post # 11
32 posts
  • Wedding: March 2015

Hi there,

I actually work for a registered health charity and wedding donations are something that we really appreciate! We are able to make up lovely cards with hearts on them to place on the tables. I think that with the kisses would be lovely to be displayed on the table. Just get a little glass bowl for the chocolates and maybe a little note saying “it’s been sweet celebrating with you” next to them

Post # 12
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@licoricetea3:  This always seems to be a contentious issue on the bee. I think given you have a favour already you’re in the clear. While I can see some charities not being favorable for a donation in lieu of a favor (eg a church, political party, NRA etc.), I think given the circumstances your donation is extremely thoughtful, meaningful and a great way to honour a very important person who can’t be there.

I may be in the minority, but as a guest, I don’t mind at all if the bride and groom do a donation in lieu of, as long as it’s not a very divisive charity. And let’s be honest, I don’t think many guests have super high expectations for the favour.

Post # 13
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@futuremrs1986:  But I love favours I can eat 😛 You’re right though, mostly people give out junk that has their wedding date all over it…and I throw it out anyway. My sister did truffles and I was a very happy panda indeed…until I was the one boxing them all.

Post # 15
1031 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@NekoKitten:  +1

@MrsGatito:  +1

I must go against the grain as well. I see no problem with this.

I recently went to a wedding where they did something very similar. Next to each place setting was a small square card with a pink seed paper in the shape of a ribbon with a message that read something like this (don’t remeber exact wording) “thank you for sharing this special day with us, in lieu of a traditional wedding favor we have made a donoation in your honor to the

Breast Cancer Foundation”. The brides mother is a breast cancer survivor so it’s an organization that is very dear to their entire family. I never for a second thought it was a no-no. Why spend the $ on silly little items that most guests leave behind when it could go to a good cause?!?

Post # 16
1274 posts
Bumble bee

@licoricetea3:  I would leave the bags of kisses at the gift or cake table or better yet at each person’s place setting. 

Place a sign by the guestbook that says –

“Thank you for celebrating with us tonight. 

In honor and memory of  

 the bride and groom have made a donation to the Prostate Cancer Foundation.”

You don’t have to connect it with a favor, but this way they are two distinct things, but you are still mentioned your fiance’s father. 


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