Post # 62
I’m in the minority and I think your idea is awesome. I would so much rather see the favor money go to a charity than be spent on something I don’t need. I went to a friend’s wedding (first time I saw this) and they had a little tent card on each table that said “in lieu of favors a donation has been made to xxxxxxx”. It was a charity close to the couple and I loved it.
Fiance and I will also do donations instead of favors in memory if his sister and my mother, in our guests names. mist charities will allow you to list people. If not, I will make 60 seoerate donations so that they are in each persons name.
i think your plan is wonderful and in no way inappropriate or tacky. If you don’t tell the guests you ate doing the donation, many if them will be leaving and complaing that there were no favors.
Post # 63
We’re doing shelter donations. Each card will have a picture of 1 of 9 of our nine pets on the other side.
Post # 64
@j_jaye: I think you are just assuming that all people who donate are cutting the guest expenses and going lavish on themselves. I spent $600 on my dress and we are DIYing all the flowers and decorations for under $900, my fiance and I took money out of our honeymoon fund so we could provide safe transportation for guests that are drinking I hardly see that as us being lavish and neglecting our guests, I cut my dress budget in half to provide more alcohol for the guests. I actually feel insulted by your assumption. We are spending lots of money compared to those who have nothing but in the scheme of weddings we are cutting down on lots of extras and “lavish” decor. Our friends and family are all practical, and as you can see by my earlier post a majority volunteer and give back to the community so a donation will go over very will with our guests, especially considering that we are customizing the donations depending on who is sitting at the table. Assuming that all hostfs who do donation in leu of favors are either A) showoff or B) cutting down on guest expenses but not themselves is really nothing but a judgment. But hey, as the saying go, ‘an assumption makes an a** out of you and me
even if a bride and groom spend on themselves and donate instead of favors, isn’t the gift of getting to spend the night together gift itself. Who cares if they donate or not, you aren’t attending the wedding to get a favor and yoj arent attending to see a domation so ehy does it matter as a guest one way or another what they choose to do with their wedding budget? and I’m sure by now all your friends know how selfish you think they are if they donate instead of giving you a bad $2 candle. They don’t have to do favors and they don’t have to donate, but why harp on a donation in any form because you ASSUME its showing off. Unless you ask each bride and groom, unless you survey all guests attending I don’t think its as general of an answer as you think.
so to the OP of this I say, you’re damned if you do you’re damned if you don’t. You can’t make everyone happy with your wedding plans no matter what. Some one hates the food, someone’s offended by the decor, some one thinks what you got for favors are inappropriate, some one doesn’t like what you spent on your dress, someone doesn’t approve of your bar choices. If the donation is close to you hear then donate, if you want to put so,ethimg on the tables, go for it. What’s the worst that happens someone’s offended that you donates , well too bad you helped save some animal from dying on your wedding day, they will get over your ‘offensive’ donation and get on with their lives.
Post # 65
@Footballwife: I would say you are the exception rather than the rule. And did I even say all brides and grooms? There are always exceptions.
But on this website it seems to be a trend that when it comes to cutting things for guests then it is a ok but suggets that someone cut their budget towards things for the couple then you get the “it’s my day” mentality.
Yes the point is to spend the day celebrating witht he couple which is why favours are unnecessary but what does a sign saying we gave to such and such charity as your favour have to do with celebrating someones wedding as well? Why not just donate the money and not announce it?
As it has been pointed out repeatedly in this thread- no one has a problem with a donation to charity what people have the problem with is the need to announce it.
And I think you are assuming as well. I would never say anythign to a bride and groom because well I am polite unlike someone who like to point out that they were going to get me a gift but decided to make a donation to a charity I may or may not support in my honour. Yay Me pat me on the back.
Most brides and groom never get feedback like this which is what makes these forums great places. Most guests are too polite to say anything because they do not want to hurt the brides feeling.
Post # 66
@pierce8: WOW! i just found this thread and now know that the subject of a donation as a favor is controversial…interesting.
i purchased some lollipops from party city – $42 for 144, and i am tying a note on each one that says “a donation has been made in the name of the blankenship wedding to the cystic fibrosis foundation” – i don’t find it to be tacky at all! i find it to be endearing and refreshing to the human spirit (i felt this way the first time i saw it done at another wedding)…
so i say do it if you want! i think its a lovely gesture!
Post # 67
@wlphilli: i completely agree! i can’t believe that this is being referred to as seeming “braggy” or “tacky”!!!!
Post # 68
We’re doing food favors that are also tied into our relationship in a cute way. They’re $3pp total probably. It seems tbat a donation would be more expensive Because when I think of donating, it feels like we should donate at least $10pp Or at least $1000 total?
Post # 69
For the record, I don’t care as a guest if there are favors at all and I’m find with food or donations as favors As long as it isn’t controversial/political. I havent really liked other favors much unless it’s a picture
Post # 70
oh and one more thing to note…as i’ve read here several times that the whole donation thing is “braggy” or asking for a pat on the back for the bride and groom…
our decision to have a donation is because we want to raise awareness for a disease and a foundation that doesn’t get a lot of attention, and is close to our heart as two members of our wedding party have immediate family members with cystic fibrosis. it is not controversial or political in nature. it is just making sure that this cause gets a little exposure because it is a big part of our lives, and putting money towards a cause that need the money for research. etc.
and we’re donating as much to the foundation as we would have spent on favors ($2 per guest at 150 guests)…i’m not doing this to cut corners or save money. my whole wedding is one HUGE budget friendly ordeal…i’ve pulled together a wedding for 150 guests with a dinner, alcohol/wine, live entertainment, etc…for about $10K…
i think its great that we can all talk here, but i have found some of the commentary here to be quite insulting…sad story.
say what you want to say without being mean…or snarky…or attacking what might be close to someone else’s heart.
Post # 71
I’m totally OK with donations to aminals, earth, or social causes.