Post # 1
I just have a question, because maybe I’m missing something. My father passed away last month from Leukemia. I found on the Leukemia and Lymphoma society, I can make a donation, which I’d already planned on doing, and they will send me these little cards I can put on the table saying a donation has been made in all the guests honor.
I thought this was a great idea to honor my dad at the wedding, as I’m already having a really hard time with him not being there. I will still be doing favors too. We’re getting a photo booth and I’m buying magnetic photo frames for the pics and we’re also doing a candy bar. So it won’t be a ‘in leau of favors’ type of thing.
I was on The Knot and searching ideas on this and saw a few other posts on this topic. The girls over there just totally ripped a girl to shreds over this. How this was totally tacky, rude, etc….and how dare you make a donation in my name. This wasn’t just a few people, this was a huge thread with everyone saying it was totally rude to make a donation in someone else’s name and what if you don’t like the charity, etc…
I was totally floored by this? Am I missing something? I’ve been to several weddings where stuff like this was done, and personally I’d never think it rude. Personally, after everything my family has gone thru this year, if someone thought it was rude for me to donate to a charity to help fight a disease that killed my father, I’d rather them not be there!
So….am I way off base? I certainly don’t want to offend anyone but I never would have thought in a million years this could be offensive to someone. Thoughts?
I figured I’d ask here instead of over there, since people here can actually answer questions without being total biyatches!
Post # 3
I think it’s totally fine. The girls on the knot etiquette board have specific things they are sticklers about.
Post # 4
Ugh, The Knot is a pit of voles I swear. I feel so terrible for most of the people who post innocently on there, so many posters are bitter people who spend all their time ripping everyone else down.
No, it’s not rude or tacky. LOTS of weddings do this – it’s not like you’re asking THEM to donate, you’re doing it yourself. I can’t see a guest being offended… how on earth is that possible? I think it’s a wonderful thing to do in memory of your father. I’m sorry you lost him.
Post # 5
Favors normally end up forgotten or in the trash, let’s face it. I’d rather see the money go toward a good cause. I wouldn’t worry. It sounds like you have plenty of other things going on and since it is so recent and it’s your dad, I willing to bet not one of your guest will object.
Post # 6
i plan to do the same, but to the diabetes society! i think it is totally fine, and people appreciate it. a cousin did it, and we all thought it was so thoughful.
Post # 7
Totally fine! I would love something like that rather than a keepsake I won’t keep haha. I’m donating to a charity for rescue dogs for mine. It’s something personal to you … and that’s what your wedding should be about 🙂 Do it! 🙂
Post # 9
I would be MUCH happier to know that a charitable donation had been made than to bring home another votive candle or bag of personalized M&M’s.
When it comes to things like this, I’d talk to your family and closest friends to get a guage on how accepted a certain thing will be – they’re the ones who will be at your wedding and in your life – not a bunch of uppity girls on the interwebz 🙂
Post # 10
I think its totally fine.
Post # 11
@Robin_Sparkles: I honestly think it’s a great idea, and I’m sure your guests will gladly donate in honor of your dad. I think it’s selfless and thoughtful of you, and I would fin it hard to believe if your guests didn’t feel the same way.
But why do I get the feeling that that blog you read was full of selfish brides who want money for themselves. LOL
Post # 12
I went to a wedding a couple years ago, and the couple made a donation to a cancer charity (can’t remember which one) in honor of the bride’s mom (who has cancer). At the time I thought it was lovely, meaningful, and a great idea.
After reading about it on wedding blogs apparently a lot of people disagree. I guess I can understand the view “if you are going to make a donation, just make a donation – don’t brag about it.” But I don’t really see it as bragging as much as honoring someone/something.
That said, I would be put-off if the couple decided to give money to a controversial charity. Personally, I would stay away from political or religious charities. People can be offended by pretty much any charity. I think your are pretty safe donating to a medical cause.
I agree with the pps. Talk to your family/friends and see how it might be received and then do it and don’t feel bad about it! Giving to/helping others is great no matter how you choose to do it!
Post # 13
Thanks ladies! You already made me feel better. I knew I could count on you guys to keep it real AND be kind.
I can’t imagine finding it rude either. Like you said, it’s not like I’m asking THEM to donate. It’s just me saying, hey I made this donation in your honor for a great charity. Take a moment and think about my dad.
And when I really think about it, the family and friends I will have there were all there for me so much this year, I know no one I’d be inviting would be offended. We’re all pretty laid back!
Thanks again ladies!
Post # 14
hmmm….I never thought that it could be taken as bragging. I don’t want it to come across as hey look at me I donated a bunch of money (unfortunatly it won’t be a huge donation, at least this time, but I will give as much as I can afford). I don’t want people thinking I’m bragging! I want it to be seen as I made this donation in honor of my dad so that someday others won’t have to go thru the same thing. I’ll have to think of some good wording. But honestly, my family’s all been thru this together and our friends have been there for us so much, I can’t picture anyone thinking that. I hope not at least.
Post # 15
I would go further and skip regular favors alltogether. Most get thrown away anyway. Being as this isn’t a random cause you chose and is something very dear to you and I imagine many of your guests as well (those who knew your father), I think you could give them all a note saying something like ‘in honor of the Brides’ father, who sadly passed away from x in x, the couple has made a donation to x society in lieu of favors.’
I can’t imagine anyone being upset that they didn’t get their candy or coozie instead. And if they do, they aren’t very nice!
Post # 16
@Robin_Sparkles: I just saw that on a old board somewhere – I don’t think of it as bragging either (but I can see how some up-tight people would twist it to think of it that way). I LOVE your reasoning, “I made this donation in your honor for a great charity. Take a moment and think about my dad.” It’s really the perfect sentiment and sums up exactly what you are trying to do.
You’re right. I’m sure your family would never think of it that way.
Also – we’re date twins 🙂