(Closed) Donations at wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think it’s totally fine.  The girls on the knot etiquette board have specific things they are sticklers about.

Post # 4
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Ugh, The Knot is a pit of voles I swear. I feel so terrible for most of the people who post innocently on there, so many posters are bitter people who spend all their time ripping everyone else down.

No, it’s not rude or tacky. LOTS of weddings do this – it’s not like you’re asking THEM to donate, you’re doing it yourself. I can’t see a guest being offended… how on earth is that possible? I think it’s a wonderful thing to do in memory of your father. I’m sorry you lost him.

Post # 5
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Favors normally end up forgotten or in the trash, let’s face it.  I’d rather see the money go toward a good cause.  I wouldn’t worry.  It sounds like you have plenty of other things going on and since it is so recent and it’s your dad, I willing to bet not one of your guest will object.

Post # 6
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

i plan to do the same, but to the diabetes society! i think it is totally fine, and people appreciate it. a cousin did it, and we all thought it was so thoughful.

Post # 7
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Totally fine! I would love something like that rather than a keepsake I won’t keep haha. I’m donating to a charity for rescue dogs for mine. It’s something personal to you … and that’s what your wedding should be about ๐Ÿ™‚ Do it! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
3068 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is a great idea!

Post # 9
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would be MUCH happier to know that a charitable donation had been made than to bring home another votive candle or bag of personalized M&M’s.

When it comes to things like this, I’d talk to your family and closest friends to get a guage on how accepted a certain thing will be – they’re the ones who will be at your wedding and in your life – not a bunch of uppity girls on the interwebz  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
7404 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think its totally fine.

Post # 11
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Robin_Sparkles:  I honestly think it’s a great idea, and I’m sure your guests will gladly donate in honor of your dad. I think it’s selfless and thoughtful of you, and I would fin it hard to believe if your guests didn’t feel the same way.

But why do I get the feeling that that blog you read was full of selfish brides who want money for themselves.  LOL

Post # 12
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I went to a wedding a couple years ago, and the couple made a donation to a cancer charity (can’t remember which one) in honor of the bride’s mom (who has cancer). At the time I thought it was lovely, meaningful, and a great idea. 

After reading about it on wedding blogs apparently a lot of people disagree. I guess I can understand the view “if you are going to make a donation, just make a donation – don’t brag about it.” But I don’t really see it as bragging as much as honoring someone/something. 

That said, I would be put-off if the couple decided to give money to a controversial charity. Personally, I would stay away from political or religious charities. People can be offended by pretty much any charity. I think your are pretty safe donating to a medical cause.

I agree with the pps. Talk to your family/friends and see how it might be received and then do it and don’t feel bad about it! Giving to/helping others is great no matter how you choose to do it!  

 

Post # 15
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I would go further and skip regular favors alltogether. Most get thrown away anyway. Being as this isn’t a random cause you chose and is something very dear to you and I imagine many of your guests as well (those who knew your father), I think you could give them all a note saying something like ‘in honor of the Brides’ father, who sadly passed away from x in x, the couple has made a donation to x society in lieu of favors.’

I can’t imagine anyone being upset that they didn’t get their candy or coozie instead. And if they do, they aren’t very nice!

Post # 16
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Robin_Sparkles: I just saw that on a old board somewhere – I don’t think of it as bragging either (but I can see how some up-tight people would twist it to think of it that way). I LOVE your reasoning, “I made this donation in your honor for a great charity. Take a moment and think about my dad.” It’s really the perfect sentiment and sums up exactly what you are trying to do. 

You’re right. I’m sure your family would never think of it that way. 

Also – we’re date twins ๐Ÿ™‚

 

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