(Closed) Donations at wedding?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would still make the donation but forgo telling your guests that you did. If someone asks, “why no favors” go ahead and tell them but I don’t think you need to announce it.

I’ve posted before about how at a friends wedding someone did the donation thing for March of Dimes, Our very PRO-Animal Rights friend was livid and made a huge unnecessary scene at the wedding.

Post # 18
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m not giving any favors and plan on doing a donation instead. I think donating is a great idea and will be more useful than some little trinket that most guests won’t even appreciate. 

Post # 19
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think donating to a cancer foundation wouldn’t be controversial.  I really can’t think of anyone who is pro-cancer and could be offended by that. 

I guess I could see donating to something pro-life/pro-choice, religious or political in nature could invite offense but like you said,  if someone has a hard time with cancer donation they probably shouldn’t be your guest.

I was just at a wedding that the bride and groom donated to the same charity in lieu of gifts and I thought it was really nice.

Post # 20
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

View original reply
@MyFavouriteChords: A lot of cancer charities put a portion of there donations towards animal research which some people are hugely against.

Post # 21
Member
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think the sentiment behind not liking a donation being given in ‘my’ name is that your support of a charity isn’t necessarily my heart or passion and you are giving me a gift that I wouldn’t actually support.  

Take something controvertial like LGBT rights.  While I actively support this and feel very strongly about marriage equality, had I done something like that, my ‘gift’ really wasn’t a gift. It would be me making a political statement about what I feel is right.  

OBVIOUSLY – the reasons behind your support of Leukemia and Lymphoma Society are very different.  

I also feel that if you want to contribute to a charity- then do that.  But don’t do it and make it your favor.  If you don’t want to waste money on a trinket you don’t think will be used – don’t do it.  

I think the only way it’s acceptable is if you said something like:  in lieu of gifts, please make a contribution to ‘x’ charity.  I think that’s more honorable than giving a gift to someone in their honor for something they may or may not care about. 

It’s different than if I knew you really supported “X” charity and I gave you a gift in your honor (and it actually meant something).

Do you see the difference??

Post # 22
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@MrsPinkPeony: ah I didn’t think of that.  I guess there is always something that can happen.

 

To the OP at the 300 person wedding I was at where a donation was made to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society no one made a visable scene.  I guess you have to know your crowd and what they would be comfortable with.

Post # 23
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

If someone is complaining about a donation being made with SOMEONE else’s money to any charity they need to get a life and lighten the eff up.Seriously. People really get upset about the dumbest stuff. I don’t know how some people get through the day being so miserable, picky, and judgmental. Even if its a charity that your guests do not support or do not believe in…it’s not their money being spent!

Post # 24
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You do it! Your Dad will be with you in spirit, and maybe the donation will help find a cure so another parent does not miss out on such an important   day!

Post # 25
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I love this idea!  Now I am thinking about it for my wedding!

Post # 26
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We are making a donation to a cancer fund in memory of my grandmother who passed of breast cancer and my Fiance mom who beat lung and brain cancer. I am making lollypop chocolates in the shape of butterflies which will be super cheap but meaningful to our families and then putting a little tag on each stating that we donated in lieu of favors then i found this adorable lollypop holder that i can make to put them in

 

http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/226249/lollipop-stand

Post # 27
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I think it’s great to make a donation, maybe you could put a line about that in your programs. Or just say that you are keeping your father in your heart and not mention the donation. Personally I would not say that the donation is in lieu of favors. Favors are little keepsakes/gifts for your guests and a donation to a cause that is personal to you, while lovely, is not a gift for your guests.

Post # 28
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I think people on TK might have gotten hung up on the semantics. It seems impossible to make 200 separate donations in each guest’s name, so I don’t see how anyone could even manage that.

Instead of placing cards everywhere about the donation, I think one small sign near the guestbook (assuming you’ll have a few things in that area) is fine. Something like “In lieu of favors, a donation has been made to ________.”

Post # 29
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We substituted the “money dance” for a “donation dance”. My grandmother passed away a few years ago due to Alzheimers and my hubbys grandmother is still living but in the advanced stages of Alzheimers and was unable to travel for our wedding. We wrote a speech of sorts that the DJ read and it included the fact that all proceeds from this dance would be donated to The Alzheimers Association. We got a very good response and had enough money to pay the entrance sponsorship fee for 5 people to do an Alzheimers 5k the weekend after our wedding, plus make a donation to the Society itself.

Post # 30
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think its fine. I’d rather see the money go to a good cause anyway.

Post # 31
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with Oracle. Either just make a donation in your own names or do it but don’t advertise it as a guest favour.

You are the one getting the tax benefits of a donation not the guests. Which doesn’t make it much of a favour.

I think the sentiment is nice, but I think charitable giving is such a personal issue that it is best to not be advertised in public.

Personally I very thoroughly vet any charity I am donating to. Want to make sure my money is actually going to the cause not to overhead or too much fundraising etc. So making a donation ‘in my name’ would not suit my fancy.

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