- 6 years ago
I’m done, had enough, I’m not waiting anymore.
Since I joined the Bee about 6 months ago by SO has said we will get engaged:
When he has paid off his 24 year mortgage; before I am 30 (in a year and a half); be married within the next 3 years;
And now…’when things settle down; when he has time to plan it; and when I have learned to love myself’ – what is to settle down (we have a house, good jobs – okay, mine is temporary but it’s a job), live well (don’t have to scrimp). He can’t/won’t give a timeline and just says I have to accept it and should be happy knowing that it will happen one day….well, no, I damn well don’t have to do that.
Okay, so i’m a bit obsessed with getting engaged because I don’t want to limit my job opportunities to stay with him without a commitment, and because we are limited in the time we have to have kids due to our disabilities (we don’t believe in kids before marriage), and don’t want to take on the commitment of HIS mortgage and paying it off until I know there’s a future in this.
Sooooo………….I am not waiting anymore. I am not leaving him (at present, that might change), instead, I am focussing on me: I am doing my NEW LIST of what I WANT to do even if he doesn’t like it it’s just tough!
So, I am getting braces for my teeth (my inheritance which he wanted me to keep to pay for ‘the wedding’ even though he paid just under 7k for a chair!, No, no, my money, I will use it as I want). I am also starting a new fitness routine and am going to look AMAZING by the time I am done. AND I am taking up a new hobby – been focussing so hard on my career that I dropped all my hobbies (work 2 hours drive away from my creative writing group now cos I needed a job).
It starts today – yes, I know I am just being reactive because I am angry but hey, at least I’m being positive