(Closed) Don't date a chef

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I guess that goes for police, too. No holidays off, canceled days off for big events, and vacations have to be planned a year in advance with no chance of changing dates. Graveyard and swingshift schedules are a beast, but you learn to deal with an abnormal schedule. Our families still have a difficult time understanding and accepting our reality (11 years later).

If you’re serving the dinner crowd, it’ll probably be late nights for a while. Maybe he can search for a place that only does breakfasts/brunch/lunch? I have a friend in service, and nights and weekends are her bread and butter. By day she runs a horse ranch with her ex. Strong woman, that one.

Post # 17
9100 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


I married a sailor. One that deploys. I’d rather my husband come home late rather than not at all for weeks.

Post # 18
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My husband is an engineer and works over 70 hours a week.

Guess I shouldn’t have married him. Oops.

OP, I get things are hard, but you might want to address this with him rather than having this strange vent-y post be your first foray onto a wedding site.

Post # 19
536 posts
Busy bee

My Darling Husband is an executive chef, works 65-70 hours a week, 6 days a week, and holidays. We still find time to be together! We don’t have kids, so I’ll admit it is a bit easier. 

Post # 20
25 posts

I’m sorry, that must be difficult. :[

Post # 21
2656 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Whilst I’m sorry that you guys are struggling at the moment, I don’t think lumping all chefs in the same category is very fair. My sister is a chef – she works 5 days week (Wednesday and Thursday are her “weekend”) in a cafe that is only open for breakfast and lunch. She also does all of the baking for the cafe on her own. She has a long-term boyfriend whom she lives with, and they manage to spend some time together. Yes, she’s tired when she gets home because she was up so early to bake. But she puts in the effort to hang out with her boyfriend for a few hours before going to bed because she wants to spend time with him, too.

If your partner’s schedule/lifestyle isn’t working for you, then you need to say something. Perhaps he can move to a different restaurant with better hours? Perhaps he can get a day off once a week that he spends with you and your child? Being a chef is a demanding profession, but there are certainly ways around it.

Post # 22
1257 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

jade222:  I was a General Manager of 30+ppl and trust me- it’s way harder being the constantly getting called away and the one at work missing out, than to be the one wishing you were there.

It’s up to the both of you to make opposite schedules work.You knew he was a Chef. Getting married won’t change anything and IMO I wouldn’t get married until you figure this out since it can be a major issue for some couples (and sounds like it is for you). Being a Chef can be thankless and you can bet it’s super difficult. 

What have you done to try and work around his schedule? If you aren’t working it sounds like you should be able to coordinate relatively easily….

Post # 23
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m a pastry cook. I work 40 hours a week, sometimes on the overnight shift and currently on the dinner shift (we make all the desserts for the restaurant I work at). Not everyone who works in a kitchen is working 60+ hours a week, so maybe it would be a good idea for him to look for a position in another kitchen that’s less insane on the hours? My fiance and I dealt with me working overnight and him working in the evenings. It’s hard, but it is possible to make time. When I was overnights or on the 4am shift, we made the time. Sometimes we only saw each other for lunch (or breakfast when I was overnight), but we made it happen. Right now, our shifts line up, but that could change at any time according to what my chefs need me to work.

Post # 24
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I thought this was a weight gain thread.


I work overnight and he works regular hours and we have different days off and we make it work.  The title should be “Don’t date somebody who does a ton of overtime if you want to spend a lot of time with them.”  It’s a matter of time vs. money and what’s more important to a person.  It seems his priority is money and yours is time, so that should the topic you should be broaching with him.

Post # 25
121 posts
Blushing bee

My husband and I are both exec chefs. We have a 9month old. The hours are rough and yesI had to quit my job to stay home to take care of the baby. But we are lucky his salary is enough to support us in NYC. has he thought about finding a different place of work? Maybe something that could be a little less hours or at least stable consistent hours. I’ve had friends move on to hotel work or corporate kitchens that pay better and hours are better. It’s really how you can work at making things work. Any relationship takes work and effort. Being at home with the kids can be hard and it sounds like you need him to help take care of the kids too for them and for you. I’d start talking to eachother about options on making things work. 

Post # 26
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Outdoor

I dated a chef once! We were good friends but he had feelings for me, and showed it by making special dinners every night and random treats… Since he was so sweet (literally and figuratively!) I gave him a chance but ultimately I felt we were better as friends. Sadly he didn’t agree and we drifted apart.

OP, hope things work out for you and your man.

Post # 27
4528 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

have you thought about getting a job on monday and friday whilst your daughter is in nursery. If you take on extra hours he can cut back on his allowing you guys a bit more family and quality time. 

He wants to marry you and he works long hours to provide for you and your child…..he sounds like a good one. Talk to him and work this out together.

Post # 28
316 posts
Helper bee

I thought this would be a warning against the weight you would gain.  My Fiance was a cook for a long time while we were together and man can he make some delicious stuff. 

But I do understand what you are going through.  The hours were often long and sporadic, which was a struggle for me because spending time together is very important to me.  He finally got sick of the work and changed careers.  He works longer hours now, but they are more regular hours and it has made seeing each other much easier. 

Post # 29
37 posts
  • Wedding: February 2015

But does he cook for you?

Post # 30
9174 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my friend’s husband works on the other side of country 6 months out of the year and 6 months they are together.

if having a relationship with each other is important, you will make it work.

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