(Closed) “Don’t Do it” Comments are really bumming me out.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

What?!!! This is awfule i have never ever heard of this!! Is ther some history behind this? (like do they not like your FH, do they think your too young, or is it just rambling???)

So awful either way and you should not be dealing with this so close to your wedding (or ever!!!)

Post # 4
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

you know what is right for you, push those negative comments out of your mind…avoid talking to these people or if you must see them let them know how excited you are to get married and that you only want positive comments from now til your big day!

Post # 5
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I got those comments too.  For the most part I was able to just ignore it.  Other times I’d say something really snarky back and I’m not gonna lie- those times were the best.  I can’t stand that people assume its their place to bash brides-to-be for making that kind of commitment.  So stupid.

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We all get those. But it shouldn’t bum you out–you want to get married, that’s it, end of story.

I got a TON of those. They get old after awhile, but you just have to say, “well i’m doing it anyways!” or “you’re just mad cuz i’m not single for you to date anymore” or something nonchalant.

Look i had a lady tell me i was an idiot to marry a military guy cuz they cheat on their wives notoriously. I just kinda laughed at her. I also had a coworker come by and tell me he was worried about me, getting married, what i was getting myself in to. I entertained the conversation for sheer fun. Be secure in your own relationship and let it roll off your back.

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I got some of those comments, but I feel like they’re really talking about whatever is happening in their life and not mine. I just brushed them off.

Post # 8
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I got a good share of negativity leading up to my wedding as well. It was a little less “don’t do it” and a little more “divorce is inevitable” but still, very negative and inappropriate comments. I tended to keep my mouth shut if it was someone I couldn’t really be snarky with (work, etc..) or to say something like “DH and I are planning to beat the odds”.

It’s likely that they are projecting their negative feelings about their relationships and experiences onto you, and it really has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and their insecurity and inability to put their feelings aside and be supportive. They might mask it in a joking tone, but if it’s really upsetting you, I’d just tell it like it is and say “i know you don’t mean it, but I find those kind of comments offensive.”

Post # 10
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

People say dumb stuff all of the time. lol We are going to start giving people dumb responses.

My FH is getting tired of people asking if he and I are ready. He said that he is going to say “No, I think I am making a big mistake”, the next time someone asks. lol Then he will laugh at them.

Seriously, if he wasn’t ready, he wouldn’t have proposed, brought us a house that I am living in alone until we get married (and still pay rent at his place), and spent thousands and thousands of dollars.

Post # 11
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I got this a lot before the wedding (it’s stopped now that I’m married thank GOD) and I always just assumed it was other people projecting their own issues on us. I’m very well aware that nothing is set in stone and by getting married anyone is taking a risk, but it’s one we are willing to take because we love each other.

I would normally say something like “Sorry to disappoint you, but we will be getting married regarldess of the divorce rate (or whatever reason they came up with)”. Or “I’m so sorry you had such a bad experience! You should consider thearapy”

Post # 12
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@moderndaisy: “I’m so sorry you had such a bad experience! You should consider thearapy” LOL Love it! I’ll have to use this.

Post # 13
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

I thought I had heard it all – but this takes the cake.  I’ve had no one say this to me, thank god.  I think I would pop someone in the mouth over that comment!  😉

Post # 14
Member
40 posts
Newbee

Wow you need to ignore the nay sayers, they are probably just jealous because their relationships with their spouses have gone south. Some people just dont know how to be happy for others. 

Post # 15
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I had people saying this to me (mostly men) and it irritated me so much but I didnt let it show. I would just say its too late to back out now!

Post # 16
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I totally got this before my wedding. I was working at a bank, and had customers say things like, “Oh, you’re getting married? When’s the divorce?”, or “well you know 50% of marriages end in divorce”, or the woman who would not stop telling me that all men were scum and I shouldn’t get married. As I left the building two days before my wedding, she still was making comments.

To be honest, none of it bothered me at all, and my husband and I had some good laughs about it. The only people making comments like that were people who didn’t know me or my now-husband! Plus, all the people making comments had issues of their own they needed to deal with (bad marriages/breakups). Just remember it’s probably people projecting their own issues onto you. 

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