- 9 years ago
I apologize in advance for this super long rant…I’m just emotionally and physically exhausted and don’t know where else to voice my feelings…
So I have been dating my bf for over 4 years now (it hit the 4 year mark in July). He is turning 29 in a few months and I am turning 28. He is a really nice guy and a very loving person, but the problem is that he has no ambition and never takes initiative with anything. When we were dating for 4 months he told me how much he cared about me, how much he was falling for me, how he was going to get a new job and go to school and tell his parents about our relationship (he was hiding it b/c he’s Jewish and I’m Catholic and he wanted to wait until the right time to tell his family). A few months later he told me he loved me and talked about engagement and marriage during our first year of dating. I was blown away about how crazy he was about me.
Well he ended up waiting a year before he told his parents about me, which he actually didnt do himself because his sister ended up taking it upon herself to do it before he got to it. It took two years of pleading and arguing to get him to go to school – I even had to write his application essay. He still has the same crappy, dead end job when he speaks 4 languages and is extremeley intelligent and capable of more.
Two years into the relationship we talk about engagament and we decide that it will happen in the next year and a half, 2 years at max. It is now 2 years and 4 months later and he has not even looked into getting a ring.
Over the past 4 years he has really hurt me with his broken promises. In that time I have seen friends and family members meet someone, date, get engaged and get married yet I still do not have a ring on my finger. We have fought over it constantly, I have almost walked out on several occasions – he tells me how much he loves me, how much he wants me to be his wife, and how much he is sorry for putting things off. He tells me now that it will happen by June because he wants to makre sure he has the money and that things are right with us. I know I should be happy but quite frankly I think it’s a load of crap that it is taking 5 years.
I am tired of waiting on his terms, tired of everyone from my dentist to my hairdresser asking me when we’re going to get married, tired of seeing everyone get a committment from their significant others without half the fight. I’m tired of taking his clothes to the cleaners, cleaning up after him, driving him around, tired of basically being a wife when I have nothing to show for it. He tells me he loves me and that it will happen but I don’t know if I even believe himat this point. He is a very sweet guy and tells me all the time how much he is going to make things up to me but words just don’t cut it anymore. At this point I feel like the romance is almost gone because I feel like if he had really wanted to propose and really means what he says he would have done it already.
I am going to 3 weddings in the next month and I don’t know how I’m going to make it through. I am so angry and resentful every single day and I blow up at him every other week. Every time I hear of someone getting engaged it’s like a slap in the face. I feel like a crazy woman and I hate it. I am happy for my friends and family don’t get me wrong, but I also wonder why I can’t have the same happiness.
I don’t know what to do at this point because I’m so angry and resentful I don’t even know if I want to be his wife anymore. I’m afraid of staying and wasting my time but I’m also afraid of giving up on someone who is really a loving and caring partner. I’m really torn at this point and have no idea where to go from here…