(Closed) dont even know where to put this. dad's butt hurt over invitations.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

theEguarantee:  My mom flipped out when she saw the draft invite that said “together with their” parents as well. She went on for days and I caved and changed it as it wasn’t the hill I wanted to die on. He’ll get over it.

Post # 17
10649 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

theEguarantee:  Maybe he will feel better if you assure him that his name will be on the wedding programs?  If you weren’t planning on doing them, it might be worthwhile if it makes him a bit happier.

Post # 18
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

theEguarantee:  I would def leave it at, ‘I’m sorry you’re upset, I didn’t think this would be a issue. Now I don’t have the time or money to redo them. *insert sad face* I’ll make sure you’re on the program.’ Fight guilt with guilt. You’re so overwhelmed with the wedding, you’re doing it all alone, so much money, everyone is stressing you out… blah blah blah.

Sounds evil, but refer to a ‘friend’ who’s stressing you out and how the wedding should be about you and your Fiance, and she’s being so negative which really hurts your feelings. Maybe he’ll realize it is supposed to be about you and drop it. If not, cry. Works every time… bahhaha.

Good luck! I’m sure you’ll be fine!

Post # 19
2765 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

” Thanks for letting me know that you were really hurt by the wording of the invitation. This was, of course, not my intention. Seeing as how you, your wife, my mom and FI’s parents are all hosting and paying for our wedding we went with the most proper way to give everyone credit. It would have been awkward to put you and mom, but not stepmom, or you and stepmom but not mom, or to not even acknowledge FI’s parents and their contributions. Please believe me when I say this was the best way to not offend ANYONE. (If this is true) You and I will get our father-daughter dance, you’ll give me away…your “place” in our wedding is central and indispensable dad.” 

Post # 20
5948 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

theEguarantee:  You know, you’d think wedding planning would be loads of fun! When I had my first wedding (which was the big poofy one), oh man, I just wanted it over with! Lol! So I feel your pain.

Post # 22
36 posts
  • Wedding: June 2015

It’s not like you included everyone BUT him. All family members are in it together. Invitations do not have to be a family tree — they just have to INVITE people to the event (Where, When, Whose Wedding). That’s what yours do. 

Your dad & stepmom will be listed as they like on the program.

Post # 23
2765 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

How did it go OP?

Post # 24
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 1975

theEguarantee:  Anddddd… This is why we are eloping.

I’m sorry this is happening to you OP. I hope you can find your ground with your dad and stick to what is planned with the invitations.

Good Luck!

Post # 25
675 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

theEguarantee:  my parents aren’t even listed on the invitation and are paying for 95% of it, I’m not even sure they noticed.  Hopefully the conversation goes well.  

Post # 26
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

theEguarantee:  Oh no that sucks, you put so much effort in! I put “together with their families” as well because I thought that was a short way of mentioning the family members that contributed.

I know how you feel – my mum found a tonne of flaws in my venue after I paid deposits etc. To avoid this happening again, it seems like every decision we make we have to consult the world – at the moment, my invites are being proofed by my FIs parents and then they will go to my Mum and then go to my Dad (separated). Don’t even get me started on the guest list – 3 months to reach agreement. Such a nightmare!

Do you think you can make him feel better by putting your Dad’s name on something else?

Post # 27
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - The Boatshed Restaurant

As there are many people contributing, they’ll probably all expect to have a say at some stage in the process. With our invitations, I sorted out the wording with my Mum and send that off to be drafted in the fonts etc. We were then allowed 3 changes to it before printing (otherwise there was a cost added…it wasn’t actually much but I didn’t tell anyone that!).

So I sent the first draft to my parents and my partner’s parents to make sure all were happy. I also asked my Grandma for her opinion on the wording because she’s the etiquette queen! Long story short, it all got sorted within two edits and everyone was happy.

Invites are out now and we’re about 2 months out from the big day. I’ve asked both sets of parents and grandparents if there are any specific things they’re really like to see on the day…and will try to include them all where possible. I think keeping the lines of communication open are really important…people seem to get a bee in their bonnet if not included.

Best of luck speaking to your Dad

Post # 28
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Adding to what all the bees have said…

You should google/ look up wedding etiquette and print it and give it to him to show him that the way you are wording your invitation is etiquetally correct with your situation. Good luck! 

Post # 29
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I really don’t understand this mindset, and really feel for you! I have ‘Together with their families’ (we’re putting in 50%, my parents are putting in 50%, FI’s parents have given us the same amount of cash, and said we can use it on wedding, honeymoon, or towards a deposit for a house!)

My dad is very much of a traditional school of thought, but even he could see that the wording made sense (even if he was a little taken aback at how ‘untraditional’ it was when he first read it). 

Honestly, you haven’t done anything wrong, or anything you should feel guilty about at all!x

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