- 5 years ago
Hi bees –
Writing under a pseudonym here – but just felt like I couldn’t be truly honest with my other name. Would love ot hear from other bees that have been through the same situation and not any of the “don’t marry him if you don’t love him” stuff please.
I am 34 years old and would very much like to have a family. I was in a long term relationship with “the one” prior to meeting my FI which turned out very badly. He basically just left one day after almost 6 years with no explanation or warning. Granted, I could tell he wasn’t all there for about 6 months before that, but he never wanted to talk about it when I asked or do anything about it and I assume he just had some things to sort out by himself. To this day, I’m still not really sure what happened. I was completely in love.
Ever since then, I’ve tried my hardest to move on in my life in every way. It’s been nearly 3 years. I didn’t date for nearly two years so I could “work on myself”. I learned how to enjoy time alone (still do!), made lots of new friends, travelled to all the places I’ve always wanted to go and did all the things I’ve always wanted to do. However, in the end I still knew I wanted a family and someone to share life with. So I started dating.
Shortly therafter, I met my FI and he fell head over heels almost immediately. He’s everything objectively that I’m looking for in a man – stable, kind, loving, does more than his fair share in building our life together. He proposed after us only being together for a few months and I said yes. I know he wants a family and would be a fantastic father.
The problem is – I don’t feel anything. In fact, I haven’t really felt anything for any guys in 3 years. I feel completed unattracted to everyone I meet and although I am open to meeting new people, I don’t get crushes or fall in love. I feel like something’s wrong with me. I used to “fall in love” all the time. Potentially part of it is that I’ve become super independent and am afraid to let anyone in.
However, I feel and act completely normal in all other regards (don’t curl up in bed every day, don’t think I’m depressed, pretty productive at work) I’m functioning great (or even better than great?) – which is why I haven’t really considered therapy for this.
Of course, then there’s the fertility question.
What would you girls do in my situation? Would especially love ot hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation.