- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I am so excited to be engaged and to be planning our wedding, but I keep running into an “emotional snag” if you will.
I start to feel guilty that I’m having this big wedding (due in part, I’m sure, to the fact that my mom and stepdad have told me that no one likes weddings and I shouldn’t subject people to mine, that they do not want any family friends there, that they want us to have our first dance and cut the cake during cocktail hour so they can leave right away).
I’ve also never had anything but a family birthday in my honor (no graduation parties/sweet 16/engagment party) even though they’re all the norm where I’m from, and I’m the only one of my friends not to have had these things.
When I come to grips with that and the facts that (1) I’ve always wanted a wedding; (2) Fiance has always wanted a wedding; (3) we have large families and want them to share in the day, I feel better about it. But still, somewhere, I feel guilty. I am, after all, Catholic.
Now that we’re thinking about registering and all that, I feel more and more like I’m being greedy. I’m not a fancy person. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up. I usually shop sales. I’m a poor law student. I want nice things; I just don’t have the means for it yet. I want a nice wedding.
We are having a massive bridal party (7BMs including MoH; 8 GMs, including BM). We’re inviting over 200 people to the wedding (again, large families).
But all of the focus on making your wedding a reflection of you as a couple makes me feel like I’m not being true to myself. I’ve never celebrated me, despite wanting to. I feel like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not, that I’m being selfish, inconsiderate, and pretentious by having a big church wedding and a ballroom reception.
Have any of you Bees struggled with feeling “worthy” of your big day?