(Closed) Don't get married when I'm trying to have a baby!?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
3916 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

MissNC:  Hmmm…I was with you until the very end. I understand your frustration, but I don’t see anything 100% wrong with her comment. Did she explicitly say “Don’t get married when I’m trying to have a baby?” I got a lot of grumblings from friends and family when FI and I set out a date so far in advance. My sister even clucked a little because she had originally projected having a baby in fall 2015. My other friend (and a BM) also said there was a good chance she would be pregnant on the wedding day. No one out right came out and told me not to have my wedding then. 

Ultimately, you do what you have to do. Unless she’s paying for it, don’t worry about her opinion. It honestly didn’t come off like she was being rude, more just grumbling. 

And another thing that you should probably get in the mindset for: No one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. No one. People will put their wants and desires before your wedding sometimes, even your closest family and friends. And everyone is going to have an opinion about EVERYTHING you do at your wedding. I would just get prepared for that now, because you’ll be having a massive headache later down the road when you actually have a ring.

Post # 3
2972 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

It sounds to me as if she meant the comments to be lighthearted, and you took them way too seriously. 

Post # 4
5664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

MissNC:  Eeeeeeeveryone is going to have an opinion on eeeeeeeeverything once you get that ring on your finger so be ready!

Post # 5
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

In my opinion she sounds like she was just really excited and wished it was sooner. The baby comment was perhaps a dumb excuse for you to push it up. I would fault her too much.

Post # 6
7656 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t know how to take her comments, but hopefully she knows that if you do plan to get married in 2016 that she shouldn’t put off TTC just because you’re getting married.

Post # 7
5179 posts
Bee Keeper

MissNC:  I don’t think she meant anything by it.  I think what she meant was that she wanted to be a big part of your wedding like you were for her, but if she had children, she wouldn’t be as attentive as she would without them.  I know after having my daughter for me it’s a lot harder to keep up with people and focus on them without attending to my daughter several times.  I think that is what she meant by that comment.

Post # 8
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


picturemeurs:  I aggree with you and the PPs.  I don’t think she was being ugly.  In fact, it sounds like she is excited for you.  And if she’s pregnant, so what?  Neither of you can put your lives on hold (or on speed dial, in your care) to convenience the other one….

Post # 9
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

The proper response from you would have been, “Well of course you want to have babies!!!! You would be an adorable pregnant Momma/new Momma MOH! I promise that my wedding will not interfere with having some cute lil’ babies. I heart you and your future kids.”

Post # 10
2333 posts
Buzzing bee

MissNC:  Was she joking at all? 

My BFF keeps saying the same thing about kids for me! Like hurry up! I tell her i want to wait til im 28 or so and she said “That old!? Jack will already be 6 years old” shes always tells me to hurry up and I just tell her I will catch her on the next baby (probabably also not true haha). She does make it seem like my timeline is an inconvienience, but i know she really isn’t that bothered by it and is just joking around. 

Post # 12
1683 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


MissNC:  umm…no. you do what you want. my matron of honor was TTC (trying to conceive) when i got engaged and became pregnant a month later…and stood at my wedding 7.5 months pregant without one single complaint because she’s my best friend and she loves me. your friend should do the same for you. its amazing how quickly people want you to revolve your special day around their lives…i was so shocked by so many people but moved forward and did whatever i wanted without a care.

Post # 13
4374 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Just take things one day at a time. It sounds to me that she really wasn’t trying to coerce you into anything. It’s just a statement.  Neither of you will know where you’ll be when he proposes. If you’re really trying to get an idea of when you want the wedding, I suggest you talk to your SO.

Post # 14
2483 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I disagree with PPs. It was pushy for her to say that, regardless of the reasons. Maybe I’m projecting though- I’m tired of all the “why such a long engagement comments” directed at me. It’s really annoying.

Post # 15
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

MissNC:  try talking to her and tell her what you just said here- if those are her plans you would be happy and would still want her to be a part of things.  If you aren’t pressuring her to get pregnant now she shouldn’t pressure you to get married when she finds it appropriate.

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