Post # 1
Yup you read that right! This is more of a venting moment!
I’m not engaged yet but he has told me it’s coming soon and that I can start getting ideas about what we want for our wedding. Ultimately Why wouldn’t I be excited that I will be getting engaged sometime soon and I can kind of start planning. So here is a little back story of my best friend who told me this.
I was recently in her wedding as Maid/Matron of Honor. Most indecisive person ever. I don’t know what’s worse a controlling bride or an indecisive one but anyway. Not to pat myself on the back but I was a very good Maid/Matron of Honor. I smiled and was there for everything. Even if I didn’t like something I just bit my tongue because it wasn’t my wedding. I feel like I didn’t put in my opinion if it wasn’t asked of me. Went over everytime I needed to and was her shoulder to cry on. Now to this ridiculous comment.
I told her how my SO was planning an engagement sometime and that I could start to get ideas. We both got excited and start talking about “IDEAS” because in reality they are only ideas because I really don’t have a ring yet. She asked me when I thought I wanted to have this wedding. I told her probably October 2016 because like I said nothing is set in stone and obviously it wouldn’t be next year.
She said “Why can’t you just get married next year, 2016 is sooo far away?”
My response, ” Ugh because I don’t have a ring and plus even if I did that’s to soon for me and that would be too stressful!”
She said, ” Come on, I’ll help you plan!?” ” Ughhhhhhh that’s too far for me that’s when I’m wanting to have kids!”
My response, “Well I’m sorry I don’t know what to tell you!”
I hung up and was very offended because I bent over backwards for my best friend and for her to say that bothers me! How dare I want to plan something that will inconvience her. and I DON’t HAVE A FREAKING RING! So she better suck it because it sure won’t be this year! Sorry had to have a venting moment about a wedding that isn’t going to happen yet!
Post # 2
MissNC: Hmmm…I was with you until the very end. I understand your frustration, but I don’t see anything 100% wrong with her comment. Did she explicitly say “Don’t get married when I’m trying to have a baby?” I got a lot of grumblings from friends and family when Fiance and I set out a date so far in advance. My sister even clucked a little because she had originally projected having a baby in fall 2015. My other friend (and a BM) also said there was a good chance she would be pregnant on the wedding day. No one out right came out and told me not to have my wedding then.
Ultimately, you do what you have to do. Unless she’s paying for it, don’t worry about her opinion. It honestly didn’t come off like she was being rude, more just grumbling.
And another thing that you should probably get in the mindset for: No one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. No one. People will put their wants and desires before your wedding sometimes, even your closest family and friends. And everyone is going to have an opinion about EVERYTHING you do at your wedding. I would just get prepared for that now, because you’ll be having a massive headache later down the road when you actually have a ring.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
It sounds to me as if she meant the comments to be lighthearted, and you took them way too seriously.
Post # 4
MissNC: Eeeeeeeveryone is going to have an opinion on eeeeeeeeverything once you get that ring on your finger so be ready!
Post # 5
In my opinion she sounds like she was just really excited and wished it was sooner. The baby comment was perhaps a dumb excuse for you to push it up. I would fault her too much.
Post # 6
I don’t know how to take her comments, but hopefully she knows that if you do plan to get married in 2016 that she shouldn’t put off TTC just because you’re getting married.
Post # 7
MissNC: I don’t think she meant anything by it. I think what she meant was that she wanted to be a big part of your wedding like you were for her, but if she had children, she wouldn’t be as attentive as she would without them. I know after having my daughter for me it’s a lot harder to keep up with people and focus on them without attending to my daughter several times. I think that is what she meant by that comment.
Post # 8
picturemeurs: I aggree with you and the PPs. I don’t think she was being ugly. In fact, it sounds like she is excited for you. And if she’s pregnant, so what? Neither of you can put your lives on hold (or on speed dial, in your care) to convenience the other one….
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
The proper response from you would have been, “Well of course you want to have babies!!!! You would be an adorable pregnant Momma/new Momma MOH! I promise that my wedding will not interfere with having some cute lil’ babies. I heart you and your future kids.”
Post # 10
MissNC: Was she joking at all?
My BFF keeps saying the same thing about kids for me! Like hurry up! I tell her i want to wait til im 28 or so and she said “That old!? Jack will already be 6 years old” shes always tells me to hurry up and I just tell her I will catch her on the next baby (probabably also not true haha). She does make it seem like my timeline is an inconvienience, but i know she really isn’t that bothered by it and is just joking around.
Post # 11
Maybe I did take it harshly and if those are her plans I being happy for her and I would never tell her she couldn’t be part of my day. I can’t help we are at different times in our lives. It’s just not the first time I hear comments about hurrying up my life so we can share in life events together.
Post # 12
MissNC: umm…no. you do what you want. my matron of honor was TTC (trying to conceive) when i got engaged and became pregnant a month later…and stood at my wedding 7.5 months pregant without one single complaint because she’s my best friend and she loves me. your friend should do the same for you. its amazing how quickly people want you to revolve your special day around their lives…i was so shocked by so many people but moved forward and did whatever i wanted without a care.
Post # 13
Just take things one day at a time. It sounds to me that she really wasn’t trying to coerce you into anything. It’s just a statement. Neither of you will know where you’ll be when he proposes. If you’re really trying to get an idea of when you want the wedding, I suggest you talk to your SO.
Post # 14
I disagree with PPs. It was pushy for her to say that, regardless of the reasons. Maybe I’m projecting though- I’m tired of all the “why such a long engagement comments” directed at me. It’s really annoying.
Post # 15
MissNC: try talking to her and tell her what you just said here- if those are her plans you would be happy and would still want her to be a part of things. If you aren’t pressuring her to get pregnant now she shouldn’t pressure you to get married when she finds it appropriate.