(Closed) Don’t have ‘motherly instinct’. Had fight with DH. Should I have a baby!?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
1777 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You might want to post in the ttc boards or even pregnancy for some incite.


What I would say is… there is no “right” time.  You should try to feel as ready and prepared as you can, but you will never really feel 100% ready.  You do bring up valid concerns, but you can still work by contact even if you have a baby.  Babies are also not that expensive at first, especially if you breast feed.  But if you feel like you want to save up some money, then you should do that, your emotional health is very important, especially when there will be a baby in your care.


As for your husband, he seems a little naive right now, but when you guys have a baby or are pregnant, I am willing to bet his behavior will change.  Instead of fighting about it, can you take a positive spin?  Tell him in a positive way what you need to feel comfortable.  Instead of saying “don’t buy this or this” say “I want to put $500 a month in a baby account.” People in general do not take kindly to being criticized for their behavior (not that I think you are wrong), so I think if you approach the situation a different way, you might feel better and have better luck too!


As for the motherly instinct, some women do not get it until they are pregnant, some not until they have the baby and see it for the first time, some women never really get it until their kids are older (some people like kids but are not baby fans).  If you are totally against having them, then that is an important conversation to have… but if you are just nervous and anxious, don’t worry your peace of mind will come eventually!  Just figure out what you need to do to get more comfortable.  Good luck!

Post # 4
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I do not have that mother instinct either and Fiance tells me that perhaps one day I will or one day we decide to have children and I’m pregnant it will come. Men do not understand how it feels to seemingly “miss” this part of being a woman. I mean, no we don’t HAVE to have children to be happy but by social norms we are all expected to love and cherish babies. Honestly, no one can tell you the right time. What do you want from a baby? Is it because you will become a “family”? What does your Darling Husband want from that? Is it truly what he wants or is it because he’s expected to do so his entire life?


I’m 27 and I still have no idea if I want children. Fiance and I had a fight about it in the past. It gets confusing but at the end of the day we both agreed that kids aren’t a life goal for us. We have different goals. I believe one day he will want children though and I can only hope that I will have that change of heart. 

Post # 5
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I like the idea of a savings account, at the very least you need to run the numbers and try to figure out how much you need per month, possible expenses, compared to your jobs.

Post # 6
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yeah, what PP’s are saying… you need to figure out how much a month a baby will cost, and then figure out how you are going to save that much per month… without using your salary. Hopefully that will give your Darling Husband something to strive for with his saving/spending habits…

Post # 7
5107 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with the PP’s.


Run the numbers for him, in a positive way, it will be a reality check for one of you. You will either find that you may be more comfortable than you realize, or he will see that it’s not financially time to do it.


I also agree with a PP about there is no “time” that you’re suddenly ready, I think. Your maternal instincts will kick in…I think. If you wanna test it, get a dog (or whatever pet you feel passionate about). If you do or already have one, the love and feeling of protectiveness you have over them just amplifies maternal instinct…it did for me at least. It also shows you how financially consuming another being can be, dogs are cheap in comparison to kids and we have spent a HUGE amount of money on them already.


Good luck to you guys =)

Post # 8
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Sounds like you have motherly instincts to me. You want to be ready for your baby when it comes. You want your Darling Husband to have his act together and you want your money right. That sounds like a mommy to me!

Post # 9
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Now certainly does not sound like the time. Both people should be on board before creating life. 

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