(Closed) Don’t have that ‘motherly instinct’. Am I ready for a baby?!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You should probably move this off the wedding boards… You might get more responses that way.

Post # 6
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

I would show him a dollar figure. I don’t know what day care is like where you are but you could say, look, if I keep working somewhere we will need X dollars for daycare, X dollars for food, clothes, etc, where in the budget do you see that money? Or, if we lose my income we’ll be paying x dollars in bills every month and you’re only making x. Including your pleasure purcahses we’ll be in the hole every month. Or something like that. Perhaps he doesn’t realize what “making it work” actually looks like and doesn’t realize your lives would be significantly different.

On the montherly instinct – don’t panic too much. I’m like this. It’s not my kid, it’s cute to you, not to me. It’s not a miracle to me and every expression and noise isn’t something to celebrate – GO AWAY! I worried that I wasn’t cut out for it. Talked to my mom and she said she was the same way. Didn’t want anything to do with other people’s kids. But the moment she had kids she felt that way about her own children. Made me feel better. I want kids. I’m sure I’ll think my kids are miracles. But yours? No, thank you. I’ve slowly met more women like me who eventually had kids and they turned out to be great mothers. 

Hope you figure things out! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
2137 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i dont think there EVER is a “RIGHT” time. i got pregnant when i turned 21 and i had noo motherly isntict i felt horrible because i didnt start feeling motherly until i was 4 months and found out i was having a baby girl.

Post # 8
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

I’m 31, I want a baby, I am getting married in 20 months. BUT I don’t feel at this stage we are financially secure enough. I have savings, Fiance does not, I have made it very clear that he needs to get his act together and start saving for our future. He is also aware that there is a clock that ticks, higher risks for mothers 35 and over and I am not willing to wait that long and risk my life or my child’s, when I don’t have to…… I am saving my ass off, I love my man, but he needs to do the same or risk my resenting him at a later stage OR having to cut back dramatically our lifestyle expectation in order to have a family. 

You have a few years yet, it sounds like you are open to having a family, but not over bearingly desperate, I think you are being smart about it, life is hard these days and your husband needs to grow up a little if he thinks it will be a breeze financially! – Do a spread sheet, your income, his income, rent, bills, child care costs, etc and he may wake up! I did this last night for my Fiance and I and he almost fell off his chair when I told him on his part how much he needs to save over the next 20 months, for our wedding and to kick start a family, savings, etc ITS CALLED REALITY!

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