Post # 1
So it began….
I will cut the story short already before I even start. Lol!
Darling Husband thinks we are ready for a baby. I don’t think so. Darling Husband is still stroking his desires. I.e. buying all sorts of expensive electronics, stuff for his vehicles, etc. (It gets EXPENSIVE!!!)
But the other night we had a HUGE ASS BLOW OUT over having babies. He thinks we are totally ready and refuses to understand my point of view. I told him that if he keeps buying all that stuff, how can we pay for the baby’s stuff and/or supplement my 100% LOST income?! He thinks that we’ll “make do” like most other ppl.
Well I told him that I don’t want to just “make do”. It’s not as easy as he thinks it is to just “make do”. It can be very stressful actually. And add a baby to that mix? Puh-lease!
I think that since I work only on contracts (i.e. NO maternity leave but I do have to pay taxes that of course go to other ppl’s Mat leaves. Ugh!), and also do not have any substantial amt of savings, I think we can give ourselves a 1-2 yrs to either: 1) save a lot more, or 2) me get a permanent job. (It’s not like I haven’t tried to do #2. It’s HARDDDDDDDDDD with this economy! REALLY HARD!)
FYI, I am very close to 31 and Darling Husband is 2 yrs younger than me.
Plus I don’t even have any insanely crazy motherly instinct that most women do. I don’t always find babies cute or want to hold one 24/7 or have pix of them all over my FB or phone, etc.
So when did you bees who have the lil ones or are preggo or TTCing know that it was the ‘right’ time?! When did that ‘motherly instinct’ kick in?
What is the right time!?
Post # 3
Oh yeah aside from no Mat leave, I will actually have to terminate my current contract if I were to get pregnant. So I wouldn’t have a job at the end of my so-called ‘mat’ leave I will be taking on my own. So there is no solace there either.
Any bees in my situation!?
Post # 4
You should probably move this off the wedding boards… You might get more responses that way.
Post # 5
@Beckster329: Thank you!!! How do I move this? I can’t find any place to change that. Or heck! I will just re-post it there.
Post # 6
I would show him a dollar figure. I don’t know what day care is like where you are but you could say, look, if I keep working somewhere we will need X dollars for daycare, X dollars for food, clothes, etc, where in the budget do you see that money? Or, if we lose my income we’ll be paying x dollars in bills every month and you’re only making x. Including your pleasure purcahses we’ll be in the hole every month. Or something like that. Perhaps he doesn’t realize what “making it work” actually looks like and doesn’t realize your lives would be significantly different.
On the montherly instinct – don’t panic too much. I’m like this. It’s not my kid, it’s cute to you, not to me. It’s not a miracle to me and every expression and noise isn’t something to celebrate – GO AWAY! I worried that I wasn’t cut out for it. Talked to my mom and she said she was the same way. Didn’t want anything to do with other people’s kids. But the moment she had kids she felt that way about her own children. Made me feel better. I want kids. I’m sure I’ll think my kids are miracles. But yours? No, thank you. I’ve slowly met more women like me who eventually had kids and they turned out to be great mothers.
Hope you figure things out! 🙂
Post # 7
i dont think there EVER is a “RIGHT” time. i got pregnant when i turned 21 and i had noo motherly isntict i felt horrible because i didnt start feeling motherly until i was 4 months and found out i was having a baby girl.
Post # 8
I’m 31, I want a baby, I am getting married in 20 months. BUT I don’t feel at this stage we are financially secure enough. I have savings, Fiance does not, I have made it very clear that he needs to get his act together and start saving for our future. He is also aware that there is a clock that ticks, higher risks for mothers 35 and over and I am not willing to wait that long and risk my life or my child’s, when I don’t have to…… I am saving my ass off, I love my man, but he needs to do the same or risk my resenting him at a later stage OR having to cut back dramatically our lifestyle expectation in order to have a family.
You have a few years yet, it sounds like you are open to having a family, but not over bearingly desperate, I think you are being smart about it, life is hard these days and your husband needs to grow up a little if he thinks it will be a breeze financially! – Do a spread sheet, your income, his income, rent, bills, child care costs, etc and he may wake up! I did this last night for my Fiance and I and he almost fell off his chair when I told him on his part how much he needs to save over the next 20 months, for our wedding and to kick start a family, savings, etc ITS CALLED REALITY!