don't judge me

posted 7 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

Well, this is a case of friends with benefits. As long as you two are on the same page, I see no problem with it. Also, please practice safe sex!

Post # 4
Member
6426 posts
Bee Keeper

Browneyedbelle92 :  so you have a ‘friends with benefits’ situation. Just keep being honest with each other and break it off if feelings grow but aren’t reciprocated. 

No need for the drama. It seems the only one who’ll judge you is you. 

Be safe. Keep honest communication between you. Have fun with your friend 🙂

Post # 5
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Obviously you’re not emotionally prepared for this. Otherwise you would not be asking for advice. 

 

Personally I would not be able to “hit it and quit it” but if you feel like this is something you want then do what’s best for you. Having sexual relations with someone exposes a part of you that you can never get back. It’s really intimate and a special moment if done with the correct person. Just make sure you are emotionally mature enough to handle this.

 

Best of luck 🙂

Post # 6
Member
967 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like you don’t have feelings for him, and I think it would unfortunately be difficult to make this work if he has feelings for you but you don’t feel the same way– casual sex is fine if everyone involved agrees that it’s casual, but once one side starts caring more for the other, things tend to fall apart. I think this situation might end up causing more harm to your relationship than good or possibly ending it entirely, because as much as you both want to do this, it seems like you might want it for different reasons. I would try your best to forget about this and maybe spend less time with him until you aren’t so fixated/worried about the sex. I hope that all makes sense! Good luck– I know this seems like a tricky situation, but I think you’ll be alright.

ETA– There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have sex! My advice is just to pump the brakes a bit if feelings might be damaged.

Post # 7
Member
1700 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Meh. Wanting sex is natural and normal. As long as both of you know it’s casual, no strings attached there shouldn’t be any issues. But if you’re having a hard time thinking of it then it’s better to wait a bit longer.  GL.

Post # 8
Member
7080 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Well, first there is no reason for you to feel bad for wanting sex. That’s a part of being human. 

As for how long you should wait after ending a relationship to sleep with someone new – that’s entirely up to the individual. Some people jump in right away, other prefer to give themselves some time. You sound like maybe you need some more time. But right now you are judging yourself pretty harshly and you don’t need to be. 

But, even if you are ready, I think it’s a bad idea to enter a friends with benefits scenario where one person has feelings and wants a relationship (your friend) and the other doesn’t (you). It makes it too complicated and there’s a lot of potential for hurt. 

 

Post # 10
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

If you don’t mind my asking – how old are you?

in my opinion there’s nothing wrong with a friends with benefits situation. Before I was married I had one and it went on for over 20 years, off and on when he and I were in between relationships. If it’s something you both want and you guys are being honest about what it is, and all parties involved are adults then I say go for it. 

Post # 12
Member
967 posts
Busy bee

 Browneyedbelle92 :  You mentioned OCD– do you have ways of managing that? My fiance has OCD too, and he has a few strategies he uses when it’s really getting the better of him. If you don’t have strategies yet, you might want to consider therapy to help you manage your OCD so that you worry a bit less about certain things. A therapist can also help you solve problems like your current situation with your friend better than we on the internet can!

Post # 14
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - the garden house, seattle

Browneyedbelle92 :  Talking is okay. I agree with the people who have said that so long as you both agree on what it means, there’s no harm in going for it. Be aware that it might turn out to be a disappointment and be prepared for that. Think about what you will do if it goes badly or if it goes well but one side’s feelings change unexpectedly. You’re only a month out of your relationship, so use this as a way to ease back into things. My rebound relationship after my divorce was a lot of fun until it crashed and burned, but it was never going to go anywhere and it helped me figure out a lot of things.

Post # 15
Member
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Browneyedbelle92 :  No judgment for wanting sex – it’s normal and natural! But, I will say this: there are plenty of ways to experience pleasure and release serial tension without having sex with another person (if you feel you’re not ready for that yet because of the breakup, or maybe because you don’t want to complicate things with your friend). Read erotica, watch porn, use toys, use your fingers 😉 It’s not the 40s anymore. As women, we  need to take control of our sexual needs, and never feel ashamed for it. And most importantly, safety first! xoxo

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