- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
I’ve been a lurker on this site for a while and decided to make an account to ask a question As this site often gives good advice on relationships.
My SO and I have been together for 3 and a half years, since we were sophomores in colleg. We are both 23 years old and have heavily discussed marriage. We don’t live together (my choice) but we do spend a lot of time together. My SO is great, really caring and loving. My parents love him, my friends love him, he is very responsible and a great, fun guy to be around For the most part our relationship has been great. He hasn’tever given me a reason to not trust him And he just has really strong values. However I feel insecure/ uncomfortable with his relationship with his ex Girlfriend.
His ex, Sally (fake name) and SO have been extremely close friends since they were like 6 years old. They went to same elementary, middle and high school and their families are friends and they practically grew up together. When they were in high school they started dating and they were each other’s first loves pretty much. They lost their virginity to each other, went to prom together, were voted high school sweethearts in his high school year book. In photo albums of his childhood so many pictures are with her.
Anyway way she ended up going to really great University in the states (we’re Canadian) to some really great school while he stayed in his hometown to go to college and apparently the distance broke them up. However they stayed good friends.
So I met and started dating SO in our sophomore year. I soon got to find out about his ex and him and to be completely honest, I was a little bit uncomfortable with how close they seemed, but he insisted it was over romantically and they were just friends. Although it still bothered me a little, she lived so far away and never came home due to summer classes and internships in and even though I met her a couple times, she seemed really nice and I didn’t want to tell SO to stop talking to his best friend of so many years.
Anyway 4 months ago Sally moved back to our hometown due to a great job offer. And all this insecurity is returning. He spends a lot of time with her, talks to her a lot more on the phone then he used to . Most of his close friends are from high school she fits in so well with them, moreso then I have, and they have so much shared history. I know they talk a lot about personal things and have talked about our relationship and when I’m with him he sometimes is texting her. i want to emphasize that I do not think SO is cheating at all but I just feel really insecure about their relationship. I’ve made an effort to be friends with Sally, since she’s so close to SO but I just find it awkward due to their past relationship and I can’t help but feel like SO must have some residual feelings for her. They dated for 4 years and she was the one to break it off not him. They often go out to eat, hang out with high school friends, chill at each other’s houses. Although most of this interaction is done in group, I know he has been alone with her.
Now SO has said that they’re just best friends and that he’s just so glad she’s back for good after all these years. He often asks me to come along when he’s with her (which I try to) and he’s not secretive about anything, he sometimes tells me about their conversations and doesnt like leave the room when he’s talking to her on the phone or anything suspicious. Sally is really nice and is so sweet and she gets me gifts just because I’m SO’s GF, but I stiff just feel uncomfortable and insecure. I’ve never heard about someone being so close to an ex when they have another GF and she seems to known him better than I do At times. On the other hand I don’t want to mention it to him because I don’t want to seem like a typical insecure and jealous GF who controls who he hangs out with and I don’t want him to resent me for trying to end his friendship with Sally.
Do do any Bees have advice on how to handle this situation, or just some words of wisdom? Should I just get over it?