(Closed) Don\'t know if I can trust him. My head is so messed up

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

is he open to couples counciling? This doesn’t sound like a relationship I would continue to persue but we all have our issues so if this is one youy are willing to fight for you better see if he is too.

Post # 32
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

So much nope!!

Get out now, he’s a horrid human being.

Post # 33
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

View original reply
Mrsb915:  sorry you are feeling this way but there are red flags all over. Why are you still with this man? It doesn’t seem like he  loves you like you do. 

I was once in a relationship were the idiot was somewhat like yours. He had an ex that he loved and still did but claimed he loved me to.  What a jerk. 

I say leave him and move on.

Post # 34
619 posts
Busy bee

Just because he’s not verbally objectifying women anymore doesn’t mean he’s stopped. Please stop excusing his disgusting behavior. Run for the hills. You deserve better than this.

Post # 35
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

What you said about him says a lot about his moral character. I’d be out the door. 

Post # 36
11360 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
Mrsb915:  he did not lie to you to save your feelings. He did it to save himself from the truth.

you may or may not be insecure, but if you are, his behavior is partially responsible. 

This man is a pig. He treats you like a sum of parts instead of loved and adored for who you are. 

You can do better and I don’t say that lightly given that you have a child together. But this man is going to emotionally hurt you and your child. 

Post # 37
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

This is too much energy, drama, and wasted time for a man who doesn’t seem to earn it.  

I would save my main commodity here–TIME–and build my best asset–SELF–up so that I can love myself again.  Honestly OP you don’t seem to love yourself enough to want to have the best for yourself.  This man is clearly not it based on your OWN WORDS. 


Post # 38
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

So you’re ok with your daughter learning from your relationship so that when she’s older she’ll look for someone to love her just like her dad “loves” her mom huh?

I’m sorry to be so harsh, but it’s the truth. You say he’s an exceptional father, but if he’s a shitty spouse then what you’re “giving” your daughter is a shitty model for HER choice of spouse. You’re teaching her that the objectification of women is love. Cheating is love. Power (due to the age disparity) is love. Insults are love. 

And a great big NO to couples counseling, although I would strongly recommend you go to counseling all by yourself to get the necessary tools to GTFO of this relationship. There IS more, you’ve just never had it in your adult life. Yet. 

Post # 39
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Outer Banks

“You’ve got a prettier face but she has bigger tits.” 

Are you KIDDING me?! I would punch my fiancé in the throat if he ever said anything like that. I’m sorry bee – it sounds like you guys have quite the history but he’s not worth your future. There is no future with a man like that. Leave his ass and find somebody that will love, respect, admire, and NEVER compare you. 

Post # 40
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I somehow have a difficult time believing that he did all of this before your relationship with him. If you think about it, your relationship somewhat started from a level of infidelity on his part. He also assisted another person on her infidelity. I am sorry but his moral compass seems to be a lacking quite a bit. 

I would be concerned about all the lying and the withholding of information. I would also be concerned about the way he speaks to you about you and other females. It seems rude and uncaring. That level of disrespect should not be happening to the mother of his child.

Can you try therapy or counseling? Of course. Will it work? I don’t know. It’s really difficult to teach an old dog new tricks. He seems quite comfortable on his ways. However, I can tell you this from personal experience, your child will learn what a good relationship looks like from you two. If you would not be happy with your daughter having the same level of trust and respect you currently have with your husband in her future relation/marriage, I strongly suggest you re-evaluate the example you are providing now and do what is best for you and your baby. Best of luck.

Post # 41
7362 posts
Busy Beekeeper

My only question for this whole mess is, where’s YOUR self esteem?

Post # 42
380 posts
Helper bee

I agree with pp. This is NOT a healthy relationship and you should cut-ends with that man. Attend counseling to help you see how much you are REALLY worth and how you can do much MUCH better than him. At least, go to counseling to help you with your self-esteem so you can make the right choice depending on how you feel about something he says or does (not just feel that you need to “tolerate” it -you don’t need to “deal with him”).

Also, he is more than a decade older than you :S and, honestly, I could not see a thirty something man or woman really connecting with an eighteen years old. It makes me thing he was looking for someone naive, good-looking (out of youth) and fun (that would make him feel young again). I know some couples with that age gap do work, but in your case…I mean, he already had a family and established career, while you were just starting to get into the world by yourself. Conversation topics, aspirations, life-goals…those are just some points where I think you might find the age-gap to be present.

Post # 43
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016


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Mrsb915:  not divorce =married 


Post # 44
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
Mrsb915: When I was closer to 18, I thought that grown men who were into 18 year-olds were self-involved and creepy. Now that I’m in my late 20s, I find it ABSURD and disturbing. 18 year-olds look like babies. I find it insane that any adult (much less one 30+) could be sexually attracted to them (unless they looked much older, i.e. like an adult). From where I’m standing, the only reason why an adult man would want to date a teenager is so that he can control her. She doesn’t have the life experience to know how she should be treated or to stand up for herself. Men like that think adult women are bitches, entitled, selfish, blah blah blah, because grown women won’t put up with them. I don’t think your BF has a clue about commitment.

A good partner will make you STRONGER. They will want you to grow. I get the feeling this guy wants your confidence level right where it is.

Post # 45
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Run little gazelle run, he’s bad news. You deserve better 

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