(Closed) Don't know what I want anymore!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
38 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

Could you have Fiance talk to his daughter.  The shoes issue seems like an excuse.  Maybe you can offer to bring someone in to clean for her after the event?

Post # 4
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

You poor thing. It’s ridiculous to offer up your home, then make a rule about no shoes…one night of wearing shoes on hardwood is not going to do them any permanent damage. 

 Can you rent a home for the week and set it up how you want and have the wedding there? (I’m not sure where you’re from, but in Australia we have stayz which is wonderful)

But if you want to have a tiny ceremony then dinner with friends that also sounds lovely.


Post # 5
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Lauraine:  Sorry to hear that, that is something she should have said upfront rather than than after you had booked caterers as it must be very stressful for you. (Is your wedding date soon or in 2014?).Having lived in Asia for a few years we do not wear any shoes in the house at all and I always politely ask my guests to remove their shoes.  And if guests make a fuss or still insist on wearing them it becomes a sore point for me.  All I do is think about all the germs from dirty footpaths etc.  I know that this is not the usual way many people think and they think nothing of wearing shoes into public toilets then walking through a carpeted bredroom or even getting on a bed with shoes, but it is something that is important to myself & my Fiance. But this is something she should have said up front before you made plans.  Can you find another venue to rent like a hall?

Post # 8
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

So is her reason for saying no shoes because of damaging wood floors? Have you tried to compromise –  you could ask guests to wear the heel-stoppers (these are really cheap and you can get them from most shoe shops) that protect hard floors (in addition to stopping heels sinking into grass if outside) – my Future Sister-In-Law asked guests to do this because it was a venue requirement. No one had any problems with this!

Post # 9
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@Lauraine:  I have had issues with my Future In-Laws, I really want to get married in their garden, it’s beautiful with roses and has enough room to have a nice cocktail party…but there’s no way we would ask them because I’m sure they would say yes, then pull the kind of crap that you are having to deal with! I would find another venue and not deal with her, because it sounds like more excuses will appear if she really doesn’t want people there.

Post # 10
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ok, so since no one else has said it yet, I will. 




You are not ENTITLED to have your wedding and reception at someone’s home.  Just because you want it there doesn’t mean you get it.  I agree, it is a shame that for some reason (shoes or whatever) she has changed her mind.  Maybe she didn’t want to host it to begin with, but felt pressure to agree at the time.


The few hundred dollars that you continue to complain about (in this thread and others) is a pittance when it comes to weddings.  Also, wouldn’t these items all be used in your new venue?  No money lost, no problem. 


Also, please stop avoiding your daughter over this, for pete’s sake.  I really would not expect to read this from a bride of your age. 




Post # 11
982 posts
Busy bee

@Lauraine:  can you possibly get some floor runner rugs for the areas she is concerned about? Seems ridiculous that she has a new condition to the use of her house. Either that, or book a nice function room/hall somewhere where you can use your decorations. I’m sure a lot a of places will be happy for you to decorate the room? It might be the best options, to save you the drama of dealing with the daughter. I’m sorry you’re going through this – but I’m sure everything will be okay in the end and you will have your perfect day – without the drama.

Post # 12
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@imabridesmaid:  +100. 

OP I’m sorry, but I can think of a million reasons why your step daughter changed her mind. Maybe she thought it might be a problem when you said you’d wear shoes, but she wanted to consider it more. Maybe she felt railroaded into saying yes out of fear that you would avoid her, sulk, or try to exclude her from HER FATHER’S wedding? You know.. Just like you are. 

Take the high ground on this. Realize that it’s her perogative, and that replacing the floors if something were messed up or dirtied from people trapsing through them would cost her more than the “few hundred dollars” you’re upset about. Which, like the above poster mentioned, you can still use in a different venue. 

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