(Closed) Don’t know what to do :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

That’s ridiculous.  You have the rest of your life to live just with him!  I say go for it, from what you have said in this post there are far too many positives for both of you!!  Don’t pay attention to other people’s opinions, listen to your gut and look at the positives in this.  Building a foundation I think is about teamwork not living situations. πŸ™‚  Plus, you can’t really decorate a place you’re not going to live in for that long.  Trust me!  Been there!

My brother and his wife had a roommate with them a year before they married and up until 3 years ago when they had their baby, and they are absolutely fine.  Neither one of them had any complaints. 

Post # 4
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My sister has been married fro 2 years. Only for about 2 months at a time were they ever living without a roommate. And I’ll tell you this-the best times in their marriage so far have been when there aren’t any other people to interfere. On another note, it might really depend on who you are living with. Are you comfortable being the only girl there? For me, it would make me nervous even if they were mutual friends.

In my case, I would never want to live with anybody but my Fiance. He has offered a friend of ours (that I’ve known since I was 3) a place in our lease before. As much as I love her, I just wouldn’t be able to do it. I want to be with Fiance an not worry about having someone else around or if they can make next month’s rent or not.

If you;re okay with having roommates, then don’t listen to other people if that’s what both of you want to do.

Post # 5
1251 posts
Bumble bee

We lived with a roommate for awhile and it was hell! I understand that there are good roommates and bad roommates, but I would take whatever steps you need to to make sure you don’t move in with those guys! No need to mix your newlywedded state with potential roommate drama!

My suggestion would be to find a cheap studio apartment, and save money that way, rather than living with roommates.

Post # 6
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I wouldn’t, but I will say that a LOT of people put a lot of stock in that whole “the first year” yadda yadda. I guess I’m one of those people who didn’t think living apart from my husband for 6 solid months affected our relationship at all.People say you should “be married first” before you have kids in order to “build a stronger relationship” and you should do XYZ First…well, whatever. Not everybody follows the “rules” ya know?

Basically, I think you already HAVE a strong foundation, right? In which case, you’re probably fine. For us, I don’t see how the first year of marriage was so much different from the 5 years we’d already been together. 

Now, the whole moving thing. Well you don’t live with him now…but you want to move in with him b/c you’re married now, right? If you weren’t married, would you still want to be the fourth roommate? I’m thinking no. Where do you live now? So, really, I just don’t think it’s a very good idea b/c i don’t think it’s fair to all parties involved.

Because last I checked, more people in one house means cheaper rent FOR ALL. Not just “oh Johnny’s girl moved in, now the two of them pay the same rent that I do and it’s only one of me!” So on one hand I get the whole saving money part, on the other hand, i don’t think it’s fair if there are 4 of you and you don’t pay a larger portion of the rent now. When I “lived” with my husband in college, I did things for the guys to make up for the fact that THEY were paying rent and I was just mooching off some free space as the girlfriend. Respect the space.

Are the guys REALLY ok having a girl roommie? Cuz being friends with someone is different than living with them.

Post # 7
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I haven’t been in this situation (my fiance and I were lucky enough to buy a house before we got married, but I didn’t move in until after we were married), but I totally appreciate how tough things are financially right now.  The bottom line is that if you are fine with it, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks…

I personally wouldn’t want to have 5 people in an apartment, but if you and your fiance are okay with it, it sounds like it could be fun and definitely save some money….

so in the end, if you are comfy with it- go for it!

Post # 8
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I totally agree with ejs, I feel like the “first year” thing is kind of bull. Fiance and I are going to live apart for 8 months after we get married. Why are those 8 months any different from the 4 1/2 years we’ve already been together?

I also agree that you guys need to talk to the roommates. You all need to work out how the bills are going to by divided up.

Post # 9
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Oh wow, I can see why you’re stressed.  I understand that this makes financial sense for you guys, and if it’s your only financial option, I’m sure it will be fine!  Not ideal, but it’s only temporary, right?  Personally, I would be totally weirded out living with my fiance/husband and other people.  But if it doesn’t bother you, and it helps you save for your house, etc….I wouldn’t let what other people think bother you!

Post # 10
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am really bad with roommates. So I would never be able to do it. I need much more space than that. But you have to listen to your gut and do what’s right for you and your husband. I don’t suppose it would hurt to try it out, but I think I would be prepared to make a quick decision if it doesn’t work out. Good luck with whatever y’all choose!

Post # 11
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I wouldn’t be able to do it either but my best friend who is newly engaged is moving in with her future in-laws to save up and pay for the wedding and for a down payment for house.  Do what you need to do for you guys.  Don’t worry about what people say. Marriage is hard enough without having to listen to what others have to say.  If you think that it will save you guys money then go for it.  You can experience what everyone is talking about when you get your house. 

Good luck with whatever you decide. 

Post # 12
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think you need to just weigh the pros and cons and find out if it’s really okay with the other roommates that a girl will be around—there is a difference with being friends and now being the roommate. I agree with ejs that you need to figure out if you would live there whether you were married or not—that might make a difference.

Personally, I wouldn’t do it just because I have never had a roommate for a reason.  I don’t want to put up with someone else’s crap laying around, the person bringing home “guests” and hearing them do the bow-chicka-bow-wow in the other room, etc.  If it was my husband’s stuff laying about, that would be different than just a roommate.

Post # 14
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I don’t know… people live with their SOs with roommates all the time, why is it different when you happen to be married to your SO? It’s stressful no matter which way you slice it. πŸ˜‰

I think you should do what you have decided will work for you, and forget all the naysayers. Personally I know that I couldn’t do it–living with other people is hard for me as it is, and I wanted to not have to deal with anything on top of adjusting to living with my FI–but your tolerance for roommates might be higher than mine. I don’t see anything wrong with it if you don’t feel like it will bother you a lot.

Post # 15
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Just for sake of throwing it out there, I’m one of those people who puts a lot of stock in the first year thing, especially if you’ve never lived with your Fiance before.

My biggest worry with what you describe is that your first year of marriage will essentially have an audience – one that will impact how you interact with one another in ways that are potentially very unpleasant.  How will you feel knowing that other people are intimately acquanited with every single dynamic of your marriage – and probably judging it internally? 

Post # 16
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you should do whatever will be easiest for you both.  It sounds like living with your friends is what would work best so I say you should do it.  With him working long hours, that alone might be taxing on your new marriage but like you said, you’ll have to make more of an effort to spend time together.  This is all temporary.  Do what will help in the long run.  Its obviously not ideal so that’s why people in your life are a bit more negative about it. 

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