Post # 1
I am having the most horrible day. Just found out the extent of my parents financial and I don’t know what to do. I am in a fortunate position that me and bf can live comfortably but I have been helping my parents as best as I can, i.e. paying for petrol or bills without expecting anything in return.
I lent a substantial sum of money to my parents as they were in desperate need but it came out of our wedding savings, and now they are struggling to pay it back. I don’t want to add any pressure on top of them as I am worried they are about to crack – but at the same time it equates to 10% of our budget. I dont have anyone to talk to this about, as they dont want people to know. I just feel so guilty planning a wonderful wedding and spending all this money when they are struggling with basics.
I am thinking of cancelling the photographer which will equate to the amount of money I lent them and then just wiping off what they owe me. But then they are still struggling day to day even after that. Its just like a big dark cloud hanging over me. I just want to make it better for them as they are good people.
What would you do?
Post # 3
I just want to say you have an amazing heart. You parents were there for you when you were young, and now you are there for them. I am sure your parents are appreciative and wouldn’t want you to cancel your photographer. You need someone there to take pictures of your wonderful day. If you do want to help support your parents, but need to take it off your budget could you maybe skip on decorations? Something that is less important? I am sure there are way you could be able to cut things out of your wedding before skipping the photographer.
Good luck, hon. You are an angel 🙂
Post # 4
@megz06: That’s what I’m thinking too.
Post # 5
I agree with the above two, don’t cut your photographer, cut other things or tone them back 🙂
Your parents I’m sure will enjoy getting to be there and if they ever found out that you cancelled your photographer for them I’m sure they would be guilt ridden for the rest of their lives 🙁
Post # 6
mrsdatobee I can totally sympathise, while it hasn’t yet got to the point that I am lending my dad money, my folks struggle through too and when I was planning my wedding, even pound I spend felt like a guilt ridden splurge.
I didn’t get any help paying for my wedding and I serveral times concemplated cancelling it all because I was just stressed out from the money aspects of it.
I expressed how I felt to my father and he comforted me and said that regardless of the stress he was under, nothing made him happier that I was getting married and that the money thing was his problem not mine and I deserved to be enjoying this journey and should indulge in the fun of planning a wedding.
Regarding the money you’ve already given to them, if you want to write it off, please do it from the bottom up. There were so many lovely things I had in my wedding that really could have been scrapped and noone would have noticed. They are nice things and everyone comments on them at the time but honestly, things like a sweet table £300+, flowers on every table £500+ and designer shoes/hair/make up etc, really aren’t what you focus on once the day is done, I promise you.
Post # 7
thanks for your replies guys, its nice to see it from an outside perspective and just to generally vent it out! thank you