(Closed) Don’t know what to do :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

From how you describe her reacting to this situation already I say keep her in the dark. Sometimes less information is better. And less of a headache for you!

Post # 5
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

eeek – this is tough. i normally think honesty is best and i know i may be one of the only ones who think this but i would almost just let it go and avoid the drama. its one of those things that will really upset her now but if told a few years down the road she may just brush it off.

Post # 6
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

is there a way to have her not be so nebby the day of the wedding? Can you have someone keep her occupied? If not I don’t know what to say besides Im sorry she is giving you more stress than you need instead of helping make this a happy occasion.

Post # 7
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Not that I condone lying, necessarily, but what if you told her that while you wanted to do a big wedding so everyone could be there, you really wanted an intimate ceremony for just the two of you after?  I don’t know.  Just spin the truth a bit?

Post # 8
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

What about letting your uncle do the ceremony, and then not having him date the certificate, until 3 days later, unless the certificate has to be turned in before then. I think that maybe she might be more hurt that you didn’t tell than by the actual thought of a civil ceremony. Let her cool down, then apologize to her for hurting her feelings; maybe take her out to lunch and tell her this, so she will behave and not start yelling. There is less chance of that happening in a public place.

Post # 10
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Well, it’s not really up to her. Not sure what to say, but I wouldn’t change my plans because someone didn’t approve. Tell your Uncle to stop telling her these things!

Post # 11
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Does your uncle know why you will be doing a civil ceremony?  Is he ok with “marrying” you when your fiance will still technically be married to the other person?  (I only put “marrying” in quotes, because all the guests will think it’s real, but it’s really just exchanging vows without the legal part).  Are you absolutely positive that it will only be 3 days difference?  I would hate for something to happen that makes it so you couldn’t legally married for a longer time.

Post # 13
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Honestly I think there may be some legal issues as well. I believe in my state you CAN’T have the wedding before the legal marriage. You can have the wedding *after* the legal marriage but not before. 

The idea is to prevent people publically presenting themselves as married when they’re legally not. It could be done to fool family members or to run a scam or financial fraud. Not that you are trying to do that, but that’s the reason behind the law! I don’t know how often this is enforced but I know my officiant refuses to even conduct the rehearsal unless the marriage certificate is in hand. Because of the legal ramifications for him.

Post # 14
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Magdalena: What state do you live in? I think it’s highly unlikely that there are any laws against being able to have a wedding, as weddings are in NO way legally binding. Legally, a wedding is a big party.

To the OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. How awful to have your mother so unsupportive of you. I think at this point, given that you have a talkative uncle, you need to tell your mom the truth. Of course, I don’t know what your relationship is like, so I have no idea how it would go over. But you may want to sit her down and explain everything, especially focusing on the fact that when you started planning the wedding, the divorce papers were about to go through, but maybe stretch the truth a little to emphasize how recently there was an issue with the processing of something and it turns out that the papers won’t go through until right after the wedding. Maybe explain that you would lose out on a lot of money and that what’s important about the day is that you’re making an emotional commitment to each other with the support of the family? Do you think that would help smooth things over at all? I’d also recommend apologizing that she had to find out that way, explaining that in your eyes the marriage is 100% real because it is in front of your friends and family.

Post # 15
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Wow, so sorry to hear that this situation with your mother is stressing you out. I do have to agree with another bee who responded, it’s really not up to your mother how “YOUR” wedding should be. It’ s all really up to you and your Fiance. I hope that this minor situation desolves soon so that you can focus on being happy and enjoying the rest of your journey as a happy bride to be.

Post # 16
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@napabridekelsey: I’m so sorry to hear about your update that your uncle no longer wants to officiate your ceremony because of your date dilemma. I know these difficulties with your family, especially your mother, cannot be easy. Is it possible for you to find another officiant in time that would be okay with your situation?

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