- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
My wedding is coming up very quickly and basically everything has gone smoothly thus far in planning, except for my bm’s. I am having trouble (well more disappointed in) a bm that I have and I think fear from a bm I let go earlier in planning is worrying me more… Here’s the background story, I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.
When fi and I got engaged I originally picked 4 girls to be in the wedding 3 of which are my best girl friends and the fourth my cousin who I am also close too. One of the bm’s, I didnt hear from for about 3-4 months. Davids Bridal would call me and tell me that she hadn’t ordered her dress and that they had tried to call her. Long story short after many attempts of me contacting her, phone, email and facebook I finally talked to her and found out she was having financial troubles. I immediately told her not to worry I would order the dress, thats how much her being there means to me, its not about money. She was greatly appreciative but in the long run she kept ignoring me still and sadly I just asked her to be a guest. I know some of you may find that harsh, but there’s a lot more that goes into this story that I don’t need to put all here now.
So I was left with 3 bm’s at this point. Which is fine and dandy, but ever since the beginning of this process one of the bm’s has caused me a lot of grief and worry. When we first went and looked for dresses she was not into anything I wanted and was trying to talk to me into a dress she had already worn for a wedding last year so she wouldn’t have to spend money. My requests for a dress weren’t bad; long and black. Also, I have no expectations of my bm’s except to get their dresses and shoes and show up on Nov. 18 and 19. Moving forward, my bm is a hairdresser and seeing as she is also my hairdresser, we talked and confirmed she would do my hair. As we got closer to the wedding she told me that she couldn’t do my hair because she needed time to get hers done and that she also needed time so she could get ‘pampered’ that day. She also went on to tell me how she planned on wearing her hair with a big black flower in it, that she didn’t want to get nails put on and that she wanted to paint them black. I had never asked her about nails before, but I did tell her that black nails are highly inappropriate for my formal and also orthodox wedding. The hair I let go because we had months to go still. I was hurt that she didn’t want to do my hair when just a few weeks prior had reminded me we had to get together to do a hair trial. When she told me she couldn’t do my hair she also said that I would never be able to find anyone to come to the hotel where I wanted to get ready to do my hair that it is too much money and when I asked if me and the other girls could join her at her salon and have the other hair dressers do our hair, she told me they all have standing appointments saturday mornings and the only reason they are working on her is cuz she works there. Well I found a girl to come to my house and she’s very reasonable so whatever to that.
I wanted to get ready at the hotel with the girls and my mom but the room was going to be too expensive so I decided to just stay at my house. My fi will be at his parents so the house will be free from him and we have a pretty open floor plan so there will be plenty of room. When I told bm about that she wasn’t very happy and complained about driving out to my house and not having her car if we leave in a limo. Her house and the hair salon are all in a pretty close proximity to one another and also close to the hotel where the reception will be, whereas I live about 45 minutes from all of those places. Since she wanted to get her hair and makeup done still at her salon, I told her to try to get in as early as she could and I would find a ride for her that would pick her up at the hotel so she could leave her car there and be able to get it the next morning and drive her to my house to get ready with us and get pics and stuff. A few weeks ago I called to tell her I found her a ride and also to see if her salon could take her early (my wedding is at 2 and the limo is getting us around 12:15, so I wanted her at my house asapafter her appt) She said they could take her at 8 but she would be done no earlier than 10 and that she didn’t want the ride I offered her. She said that it was too much running around (how the hell is that too much running around?!! I found you a ride!!!) and she would just drive to my house and follow the limo in her car to the ceremony… Umm WTF?? Why wouldn’t she want to ride in the limo with us?
Also during this time I told her I would let her know how I wanted their hair to look well she told me she is adding extensions, curling it and wearing it half up and half down, which is exactly the way I am wearing mine. So I dont know if I should just let that go or what, it definitely sounds better than the big ass black flower she wanted before. She has gone back and forth on whether she was paying money to stay at the hotel or not finally she decided to stay and she also just told me since she can’t find a male date she is bringer her best g/f and she already told me where she wants her to sit. To me that is like her telling me that if her friend isn’t there she will not have any fun at all. I feel so bad for bitching but I am so confused. Today was a bit of icing on the cake, she asked me about the rehearsal so she can get off work and I told her its going to be at 6pm followed by dinner at a place about 20 minutes away. She told me since she’s had to ask off work for the following day and Sunday for a shower she has to go too she is going to have to work at 10pm the night of the rehearsal and work till 2am! But she assured me she wont be sleepy or miss my wedding!
Over the past few months with different things she’s said to me (this isn’t all of it just main points) I have told fi that I just would like to give her the money her dress cost and ask her to not be in it. I swear I never imagined this to happen to me with any of my friends. I feel bad about the first bm, but there is way more going on with her and b/f and he I dont think wanted her to have anything to do with my wedding because she would be away from him, and with this other bm, I just wish she would approach me differently about stuff and not be so stern with telling me what she wants. When my cousin asked me what I wanted their hair to look like before I answered I thanked her for caring enough to ask me. I could see if this bm was upset with demands I have on them, but honestly I have none. I have done everything either alone or with fi, my fmil and good friend are throwing my shower so its not like she has to worry about it and my cousin is doing a last minute bachelorette party b/c I originally wasn’t going to have one. What do you bee’s think? I know I can just tuff it out but I’m worried about the following things and asking her to step down would be a big relief off my shoulder.
do I care if her hair is the same as mine is going to be?
do I care if she rides in the limo? Should I just tell her to get ready at her house and meet me at the church so she doesn’t waste 40 min driving?
do I worry she will sleep in from working till 2 am and not getting home to atleast 3?
do I care that she will miss most of my rehearsal dinner?
Ughh….Thanks bees! Sorry this was so long, I feel like I’ve been typing forever.