- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Fiance and I are expecting a baby in five days (what will be more than five days from what I’m guessing though). We’ve had our share of bumps in the road along the way. It took some time for him to settle into the idea of a baby on the way. It was very unexpected. I was on the pill and never missed a single one. We found out eight months before our wedding date and ended up pushing it back until next year.
Once we started making plans and figuring things out, he was much better off with the news and seemed to be getting kind of excited, especially after we found out we are expecting a boy which he was really hoping for. I thought that the further along the pregnancy was, the more excited he would become and it would be this really happy, close time for us to share together.
My parents were wonderful enough to offer to remodel our little trailer which was basically a dump that was falling to pieces. Fiance is someone who hates messing with stuff. He’s perfectly fine once things are said and done, but suggesting a change, or being in the process of one, he becomes difficult. So, he was a real hoot during the process of our home, but I thought that once he would see how nice it was becoming (at no expense to us) he would be happy and interested in the project, especially to make it nice before our little guy arrives.
Unfortunately, that was not the case. As I said, he is great once it is all said and done. Our living room is beautiful. Newly painted, new carpet, new (used) furniture. You would never guess it was the same room. The same goes for the rest of the house as well. And all it took was a little effort and time. He is very happy with how it looks, he even had his father come over to see the changes. But never once has he made any effort or attempt to help out.
He sits on the couch watching TV or messing around on his computer, or playing his guitar while my dad is lifting things by himself, or my mom and I are doing what we can to help him. He’ll sit back while I polyurthane our cupboards or paint our walls. When it comes to his job, he is a very hard worker, this I will always admit. I know the effort he puts into it and how badly he was to advance there. However, he uses that for his excuse all the time it seems.
He works during the week so he doesn’t feel he should be working on the house. He’s tired and wants to relax. Now, I can understand this to a degree, but my parents and I work too. My father works longer and more hours than Fiance does and still drives over an hour to come to our home to help us out, and spends his weekends doing the same without a single complaint. I just don’t understand how Fiance doesn’t feel guilty for not helping him out at all after all the wonderful things my parents have done for us and ask nothing in return.
I became so frustrated by the whole situation that I confronted him with it and it turned into a huge blow out, as most things usually do between us lately. He says he never asked for them to do anything with the house, he was fine with the way it was. He said he made it perfectly clear he wanted nothing to do with it. I was floored. Our house was not fit for a child to be in whatsoever. The carpets alone were riddled with pet stains over 10 years old when we ripped them up, and he felt no concern for our son crawling on such filth.
To make matters worse, not only do my parents notice his lack of interest in his own home and making it ready for a baby, but they feel there is a huge lack of interest in me and the baby as well, and I am sadly feeling the same. I have purchased nearly everything for the baby bit by bit along with my parents and grandmother, and gifts from friends and family. His clothes, toys, necessities, etc. Fiance only purchased a walker, toy, and put $100.00 towards a crib, and another $100.00 after I said something to him, and went on the defense that he was saving up money for after the baby arrives.
Sometimes when people ask him about the baby, he goes on and on about how excited he is to be having a son and all these things he wants to do, and then other times he barely makes a grunt when others ask him about it. It’s really seeming more like he’s all talk than anything these days. Then he goes on about all these days he hopes I won’t go into labour. His friends and I know that he is joking (sort of) but it sounds so bad sometimes when he says it. Not this day because football is on, not this day because he has a game to play, not this day because his band will have a show, and on and on.
There have been a few bumps during the pregnancy. At 24 weeks I had a tumor that degenerated and started contractions. He rushed me to the hospital and the next day called in to work to stay home with me, which really gave me a lot of hope. However, the next day when I was still doing horrible and entertaining the idea of going back to the hospital he got frustrated because he had a softball game to go to and wanted to know if I could drive myself (a half hour away) through the pain or have my mom drive me (who lives 1.5 hours away from us).
I felt so bad and guilty for being in pain that I decided to just stay home and suffer through it by myself while he went to go play a game. There were a few other similar, smaller incidents where I also just chose to deal with the issue by myself instead of asking for any help on his part because I didn’t want to feel guilty again.
With the baby coming, I expressed to him that I need him home more. He has such a full schedule of things going on, and I made it clear that I if I was going to do this alone, I really wanted to be alone. Not just sitting at home with our baby while he goes off doing all these things. He has band practice on Tuesdays, shows (very few right now) on weekends, plays football on Saturdays along with band practice on Saturdays, and is OBSESSED with watching football every night/day it is on. I am not asking him to quit everything, just downsize a bit. He promised he would do so, and for a while it looked like he meant it.
Now, things are as bad as ever. I’m due any time, and he’s gone for all these things constantly. He had a football game that I thought was in town and turns out it was about 45 minutes away and I never had a clue until I stumbled across his schedule by chance. He has a show right after my due date and a number of other football games to play in after my due date (most of which are out of town). Again, I became frustrated that he would sign up for football on top of everything else this year when he knows the baby will be here shortly after it begins.
What made me angry the most though is how far he takes his football obsession. I will admit I can’t stand the sport, but I have nothing against him watching it and being interested in it, but he takes it too far. It isn’t just watching his favorite team play and a couple of other games here and there. It is everything he can get his hands on any night anyone is playing.
He goes to the bars on Sundays to watch because our TV doesn’t usually pick up his team’s games. I was used to this, and I thought it would die down a little, especially with how far along I am, but I was wrong again. He gives me the ultimatum of either coming with him and sitting for hours on end on a bar stool or being home alone, even though he knows I am sore and tired and uncomfortable all the time right now.
My parents worry sick about this. We live in the middle of nowhere and I have no one around me. All my friends and family live in my hometown. They don’t understand how he can leave me alone so often and not even call or text to check up on me. They are constantly calling me to make sure I am alright when they know he has left me by myself again.
Fiance thought this whole time that once the baby is born that we would go to the bars with him to watch the games and the problem would be solved. I couldn’t believe that he even considered this for one moment. After just giving birth, he thought I would want to take my newborn son to a bar to watch football games? He said we discussed this and that I was fine with it, which is far from correct. I had told him that I wouldn’t mind once in a great while going out once our little man is bigger. Not every weekend from the very beginning.
Most of the time I feel like Fiance doesn’t even know I exist sometimes. He is so worried about football on TV and being on his computer that he doesn’t even notice when I walk into the room. I even walked right up to him last night to sit on the couch by him and maybe cuddle a little or something, and he didn’t make one indication that he knew I was there. I feel like I’m starved for any kind of affection at this point. Hugs, kisses, anything, and it’s killing me.
I guess I just feel like my parents are right. He just doesn’t seem to have much interest in us, despite all the talking he does. When they come over they see how miserable I am and really want me to come back home with them. Maybe they are right. I plan on speaking to Fiance again tonight, even though I know it will result in another fight where he feels like I ask too much of him.
All I want is for him to be there for the baby and me. I never ask him to buy me things, I pay my half of the bills, I am working for as long as I can at my job still, I come home and do all that I can on our house. All I ask for out of him is to be supportive of us. Maybe I am asking too much of him, I just don’t know anymore. What I do know though is within two weeks we will have a baby here, and instead of being excited about that and thinking about having our little guy, all I picture at night is us being left alone constantly so Fiance can go out and about to all these things.
(I’m so sorry the long rant. I just really needed to get it off my chest to someone other than my parents or Fiance. It’s just really eating at me right now.)