Post # 1
I was raised by my mom and stepdad. My bio-dad left when I was just a baby and we have never really had a relationship. We didn’t talk for most of my life, now we are cordial. The past couple years he has been trying to be closer to me, but i dont know if i am even interested at this point. After some thought, I decided too invite him to the wedding.
There is no question in my mind about the big things: my stepdad will walk me down the aisle, do the father/daughter dance, ect. It is more the little things that I don’t know how to handle. Where do I seat him during the ceremony? I seems weird to just sit him as a general guest, but it also seems weird to sit him with family (The first two rows are in boxed seating, so parents/grandparents will be notably seperated). Same with the reception. Parents and grandparents will have designated tables. Pictures are also a problem: would it be rude to not include him at all? I don’t want to, but I think he might expect it.
has anyone else delt with this kind of situation? I just feel overwhelmed right now.
Post # 3
I am a professional weding planner/blogger so usually I can give advice based on experience with clients…but with this question I actually can speak from a personal standpoint.
I am not even engaged yet but I have given thought to “what to do about my biological Mom”. I have a different situation (I was adopted at birth and found my mother around age 20 – now in regular cordial contact) in that I don’t feel as if my parent “left me” as your father left you, so that may change things. I don’t mean to be offensive – just recognizing that the situation is unique.
Some people (maybe MOB or your Grandma) will be upset the more you include him, and your bio-dad might be upset if he isn’t included. So the best thing is to do what YOU think is best. You say he is making an effort to be closer…are you open to this? If you become closer over the years will you regret leaving him “left out” of certain elements?
If the only reason you are including himi is because he will “expect it” then frankly…don’t. If you don’t want picture with him, don’t take them. There is nothing wrong with that. This is your day.
If you are looking for a special way to includ him just to keep him pacified or for your own peace of mind consider ordering him a boutonniere or giving him a hand written note waiting at his place at the reception, saying how much you appreciate him being there. This is your big day. Surround yourself with those who matter most. If he does not make this cut – he has no one to blame but himself. Harsh but true.
Post # 4
Please do not stress. In My Humble Opinion, the most important thing is to give all parents a “heads up” as to what will be happening, and no surpises. Next I would say, I would be put off if biodad, EXPECTED anything more than invite. Even if he is trying now, he left you mom and Stepdad to do the heavy lifting. I do not think him sitting “behind” the boxed seating is a big deal, and there is nothing he can do now. If possible, you might put mom, Stepdad, grandparents in front row, and biodad and cousins in second. I do not understand why he can not have a “designated” table. I think everyone should be assigned a table, to avoid the “high school cafeteria” type problem of awkwardly looking for a table (seating within table not necessary to be assigned). You can put officiant, spouse, someone at his table, no matter if small. I would have a picture taken with him, but I would not expect mom to want to be in the picture.
Post # 5
Thanks, that is really reassuring. I am trying for the least drama possible but maybe I was just overthing everything
Post # 6
I don’t think you are over thinking anything. This is an emotionally significant issue, even if it has a simple solution. But as I said before the most important thing is to make the day special for YOU. Give him a seat at one of the tables closer to you and the groom, and hopefully that will make him happy.