(Closed) Don’t know what to do…*long* :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think your Fi needs to straight up tell him to stop of if he dosent support you marriage tell him he can step down. This type of behavior will only grow into a bigger problem. An God forbid he bring it up in his best man speach


Post # 4
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I think it’s time for you to speak with his brother directly, calmly, kindly, and like an adult. Acknowledge his concerns (even though they have absolutely nothing to do with him), listen, and address them. Make it clear in the sweetest way possible that you are going to be a member of the family soon and it’s a major priority for you that everyone be happy and get along.

I know you don’t owe this guy anything. I’m a big fan of honesty and an “I don’t need to talk about this behind your back” attitude. Family can be a huge factor in the happiness of a marriage and this guy has no right to be affecting your happiness right now.

Post # 5
3155 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry that your FI’s brother is acting like this. It is so hard when people aren’t being supportive of your big decision (as if you couldn’t find enough reasons to be nervous on your own with something like this). I have found that most people act like that, not out of real concern or because there are truly red flags, but because they are either jealous or not ready to make a decision like that in their own lives, so they think everyone else can’t either. 

I had friends that would say “I can’t believe you are getting married, it happened so FAST. But that is cool that you wanna get married so soon….my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I aren’t ready and we’ve been together for 3 years (or whatever)” and pretend like they were being nice. People who are truly concerned with the relationship will actually state their concerns in a precise manner like “your Fiance has been known to be controlling, since you’ve talked about it with me….how’s that going? are you worried at all?” and then actually listen when you speak about how you’ve sorted whatever problems out and be satisfied (or at least keep their silence). 

I would def say this is a problem with the bro. Not you two. 

Post # 6
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with pp. It’s time for you to invite brother to “lunch”. You need to ask him directly what exactly his concerns are and them address them. Ask him to stop talking to everyone about it now that you have addressed it. I would not keep putting up with it. He needs to support his brothers decision or he is out!

Post # 8
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Sunshine09:  Let’s hope that they don’t get in a fistfight or anything but if his brother cannot muster the effort to be supportive and stop talking behind your back, maybe he shouldn’t be in the wedding.

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