(Closed) Don’t know who to choose

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think this calls for two MOHs. It doesn’t sound like either of them is 100% perfect for the role, and you’ll be hurting whichever one you don’t ask. So just honestly tell them that they both matter to you so much that you couldn’t possibly choose. 

Post # 4
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

You have a long time to make your decision. I suggest waiting at least until you are a year away to see who is actually around at that time.

Post # 6
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Have them both! Who says you can only have one? They both seem very important to you… just share their duties ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I definitely think you should go with both – split up the tasks based on who is good at what/what they would like to do, and have them work together on other things

Post # 9
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I absolutely vote that you wait to make this decision. My fiance and I have a long engagement too, and we asked our bridal party very early. For me, it has been fine, but since he asked his groomsmen, we have had a huge falling out with one of them and are no longer talking to him at all. We never in a million years would have thought that it would happen – it was a total shock. It was extremely painful for both me and my fiance, and we both wish that would would have waited a little longer to ask everyone.

Post # 11
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am having two. I am calling them both Lady of Honor. That is what I think you should do too, since you are confident that they will both be around then ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I asked mine right away, so about the same timeframe as you are now because I know they will be around forever.

Post # 13
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I was a co-MOH for my college roommate’s wedding.  Her other Maid/Matron of Honor was her best friend from high school.  Neither of us would have been offended to be a bridesmaid instead of an Maid/Matron of Honor, but I think the bride just felt better about not “ranking” us, since there were no other bridesmaids.  At any rate, it worked out perfectly–we co-hosted the bridal shower and worked together on everything else.    I agree with Noritake that you still have plenty of time to decide, but I think co-MOHs would work just fine if you don’t want to have to choose. 

Post # 14
Member
2719 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I asked within the month & had another 17 months to go. At first I had a slight falling out with my Maid/Matron of Honor, but that got back on track after our moods were back to normal. I’m not having some problems with another BM/FSIL who’s due 2 weeks before the wedding. She’s not making time to go look at dresses and everything. Sometimes, no matter how long you wait, things still happen. I would definitely wait until about a year, between there & 9 months perhaps. However long you think they’ll need to get money saved and be prepared.

Post # 16
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Regarding when to ask, I think everyone recommends waiting, but most girls go ahead and do it right away. It’s funny actually how many people I have seen say, “Well, I asked mine right away, but you should really wait for a while.” At the risk of being hypocritical, I asked right away but think in general brides should wait. Everyone’s relationships change; you might know that these girls will be still in your life, but who knows what else might happen. They might get new jobs, relationships, or families that make it hard for them to dedicate time to being Maid/Matron of Honor. They might not be excited about your engagement or the wedding, which could change your mind about asking them, etc. 

I think it’s still fine to think about all this now, just bear in mind that things might change. We had a little drama both with the guys and girls in our wedding party because of asking too early. I would have waited if I could do it over – I knew nothing about weddings, so no one had told me to wait to ask everyone, which is why I made that mistake. 

For the logistics of having co-MOHs, I think they can plan bachelorette and shower together (or each host one of those). They can both help you get ready, they can both make toasts if they want, and you just have to be fair with all the little things – ask one to hold your bouquet and the other to hold your ring, for example. 

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