(Closed) Don't let your fantasy wedding ruin your wedding

posted 6 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 3
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

i loved you post, you seem like a guy who really loves his girl.

i would just like to add, that yes once bitten is very hard to resist the wedding bug but not all girls go bonkers. Not all of us have been dreaming of it our entire life. After being together for 14 years with my partner i didnt really mind if we got married or not. Last year we went to a friends wedding and he said “are we ever going to have our special day” he was so sad i decided to make it happen.

he brought his own suit, own ring, he choose the venue, pick the bridal march song! he hated the idea of a lolly station (which i liked) so one fight later i caved and canned that idea.

Not all guys sit back and are not interested, i have read many posts here of some very romantic and involved guys and some seriously resistant brides who dont even wanna put on a dress!!! 

i agree whole heartedly with dont let a fantasy ruin your wedding, i think expectation can be the biggest let down when it doesnt turn out the way you want. 

Post # 4
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First thing I have to say I haven’t spent my life planning my wedding. I haven’t been dreaming about this day since I was four. When people say to be honest I roll my eyes a little. I think what it really means is that they were probably little girls dreaming of being princess for a day.

I kind of find it quite insulting to the groom when brides say they have their whole wedding planned it for years and was just looking for the groom. I think it reduces the groom to an accessory. I think people need to throw out whatever plans they have and work on building a wedding that represents both people.

I think everyone from vendors to family keep telling the groom to smile, shutup, and show up at the time and place. I don’t like that, my Fi has been a big part of this every single step of the way.

I seen quite a few brides on here get upset because their Fi has the audacity to express an opinions on anything other then the food and dj. You raise excellent points. If I were you I wouldn’t change your clothes. I would sit down and speak to your fi. She needs to remember it isn’t a fantasy, it isn’t her day she been dreaming about since she was child. It’s the beginning of your life together and she needs to remember it’s about the both of you as a couple!

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Bump I think more ladies need to read this! We don’t have a lot of guys on the bee so its a good perspective!

Post # 6
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I also have not dreamed of my wedding since I was a little girl. I grew up with divorced parents and was completely disillusioned with the idea of marriage until I met the only person I could see a future with. We’re a team, we make decisions as a team and I don’t see why that needs to change when we’re planning our wedding.

ETA: Not knocking your post at all. I know you’re just speaking from your own experience and observations, but we’re not all like that.

Post # 7
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Oh my goodness mine talks about it more than me! lol He is such a girl in some aspects. 😀

 

I didnt dream either.. I was actually anti marry..

Post # 8
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I was definitely not one of those girls that dreamed about her wedding all her life. I actually avoided wedding details and thoughts until the time had come where I was engaged.

Once it came time to planning my Darling Husband made it completely clear that he wasn’t afraid of me not respecting his choices but that he quite honestly has no opinions. I would have loved for my Darling Husband to interject on a few things and provided input but alas he just didn’t care.

He spoke up about the food and cake flavor. That was all. It was a mutually understood notion that while I could ask him his opinion he wouldn’t have one. I asked because I wanted to keep trying but in the end it was a wedding that I planned from start to finish without his input, just the way he wanted.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Great post!

Post # 10
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Styles:  a woman of my own mind LOL

Post # 11
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Brides who say they have known exactly what they want for their big day ever since they were 4 or 5 are talking out their asses. Fashions have changed a lot between the ages of 4-20 something or 30 something or older. Ideas change with them. At 12 years old I was marrying Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the Block. He was waiting for me to walk down the aisle at the church that I had received my communion and confirmation in. Everyone was there and the rest of the band were his bestmen and they were all wearing black suits with dickie bows. I had no bridesmaids as I probably wanted all the attention on me.

Im 34 now, will be 36 when I get married. I’m not marrying Joey out of New Kids, nor do I want to. I’m not even getting married in the church I received first communion and confirmation in. In fact I’m not getting married in the same country. And I now hate dickie bows on men. 

Post # 12
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree that there are plenty of women who need to read this and consider the man’s perspective. It seems like a lot of brides are more concerned about a ring and a pretty dress and staging a good show than they are about making a lifetime commitment to another human being. It’s disappointing, but not surprising.

I’m doing most of the planning myself, but Fiance is allowed to have input. I’ve asked him whether he likes this or that or if there is something else he would prefer. Most of the time he says he doesn’t care.

But when he wanted to a wear a black suit instead of a gray or tan one, I changed the wedding colours to accommodate him. He got final say on my dress. I’m wearing a veil at his request. He picked out the rings. I’ve tried to incorporate his favourite foods into the menu.

By and large, though, I don’t bother him with details. I don’t work and I have the time to worry about details, but he works a demanding job and is trying to finish his Ph.D. and little details about whether or not he likes one centerpiece over another bore him and distract him. He won’t notice either way.

Pretty much any request he makes, I try to find a way to make it work because I figure if he cares enoughto look up from his work and say something about it, it must be important to him.

Brides need to remember it’s not just their day. You’re sharing it with your husband to be and your main concern should always be about sharing your life with your intended, not about impressing your guests or spending a lot of money or anything superficial like that.

Post # 13
Member
1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

“He does not understand why you have that terrible hair do and a bright red sunburn and why you can barely talk because you are so emaciated from some crazy diet you have been on that would challenge even the strongest soldiers on the river Kwai.”


Hahahahahahaha!  That is the funniest thing I have ever read, and I guarantee my husband would agree with that!

My Darling Husband actually said to me once that he HAD dreamed of his wedding since he was young, and he was also VERY involved in our planning.  While I DID most of the stuff (DIY, talking to vendors, etc), he had input every step of the way, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  In the end, it turns out that it showed.  At the wedding, so many people commented on how everything represented us as a couple!

Loved your post!

Post # 14
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@Irish-bride: I was going to marry Joey from New Kids too! LOL!

Post # 15
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@misslene:  mmmmmmm Joey

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