(Closed) Don't like the ring?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

How about, instead of telling him you dislike it, suggest a wedding set that matches an engagement ring you like? Or that you appreciate the thought but its becoming very uncomfortable to wear, like maybe it itches or rubs wrong? Or that it doesnt really match “you”, or the things you wear or your other jewelry?

I’m not suggesting you outright lie to the man, maybe you can cushion the blow a bit.

Post # 4
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

this actually sounds very…. not serious of him. the ring from his grandmother i can understand. the ring from an old boyfriend of his mom’s? it has NO meaning whatsoever except that of a failed relationship.

you put yourself in a tough spot by already saying you loved it. the best you can do is explain that you were caught up in the excitement, but after careful consideration you would like a ring that symbolizes YOUR relationship together.

Post # 5
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My first one was the same as your second! I eventually just wore it on a necklace.. eventually stopped that too.. and I cant remember if I lost it or told him to return it to her.. We didn’t have much money, and I understood not wanting to waste what we DID have. So we were “engaged” with no ring for ~2 years, and I got fed up (still didn’t have much money) I made him order a cz set from evesaddiction.com that I loved, and now I have the exact ring but wg/diamond… So if money is the issue, try suggesting that? 

Post # 6
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

“Lose” it? And then whoopsie, and darn, you have to get another one! Oh well its no biggie since the first one was a hand me down anyhow.

Just kidding!.. Sort of πŸ˜›

Seriously though, you could get it rhodium dipped to cover the gold and make it white gold.

Post # 7
Member
3174 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe you should tell him how you feel

Post # 8
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

@Daisy4:  if it were me I would just tell him that I wanted something new. I think I would have felt a little hurt that he just gave me a ring out of convenience and didn’t put any thought into it. I would just be honest, and not make up reasons that weren’t true. Just tell him that you’re not in love with the ring and you wish you had something that looked/felt more like an engagement ring, not a piece of hand-me-down jewelry that doesn’t have any real sentiment behind it.

Post # 9
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

Really bizarre to give you a ring that his mom’s ex gave her. I know it was probably just sitting around so may as well recycle the stone or the gold, but if you don’t like it I don’t see any problem in telling him that. Just explain that you want the ring to be special to you, and that you want to feel happy wearing it every day but you’re uncomfortable with what it symbolizes and don’t feel like it reflects you guys as a couple. 

It’s definitely an awkward situation. I also don’t think the “oops, I lost it” plan is so terrible. πŸ˜‰

Post # 10
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Daisy4:  why does he keep giving you old rings that are other peoples that dont seam to be that sentimental??  Is it a ring he is giving you or is this supposed to be your engagment ring??   He gave you a low quality ring that was his grandmothers and then a ring from an exboyfriend of his mothers???  This really doesnt sound serious, why did he not want to buy you one, or take a sentimental stone and rest it or something?  Its odd and I cant get over the fact that he gave you a ring that was given to his mother by an exboyfriend…. wow 

I would have been really hurt that he did not put any thought or effort into a ring.  Its one thing for a guy to give you a sentimental family piece, like his grandmothers nice e-ring, or a stone reset…. but the two he has given you are sad πŸ™

Post # 11
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Maybe he doesn’t really have the money to buy you a ring that you absolutely love and he feels you deserve.  Either that or the idea of ring shopping is completely freaking him out.  Figure out what the problem is.  If it’s that ring shopping freaks him out, talk to him aout how the ring makes you feel.  Then have him set a budget and the two of you go shopping.  (To stores on the Internet.)  Or maybe you’ll just have to pick it out yourself.

If it’s money, than maybe you should get the stone reset (if it’s possible with the money restrictions) or get the stone in his grandma’s ring reset so that you can have an heirloom ring.  Or if there’s no money in a ring budget get the yellow ring dipped in a thick coat of rhodium.  The rhodium will wear away faster because it’s yellow gold and not white, but at least the ring wouldn’t be a color that you don’t like and it will feel a little more like yours.

 

Post # 12
Member
4714 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

Sit him down and tell him the truth.

Tell him that you do not like the mothers ex-boyfriends ring and that you only said you did because you wanted to please him.

If he cannot afford to buy you the ring you want then tell him you can wait or see if you can get grandmothers ring reset into another setting or get the rhodium plating as others suggested and get an upgrade in a couple years

BE HONEST….lies are not a way to start a relationship/marriage

Post # 13
Member
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

i am most interested in why he seemed to be so thoughtless in getting you a ring. was the engagement his idea or was it something you might have been putting pressure on him to do a little? just trying to figure out what really is beneath all this. does he not care to spend some time or money on you? i am not trying to be hurtful… these are questions i would ask myself.

Post # 15
Member
4714 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

Can you post pics of these rings? Maybe we can all come up with some solutions for you if you want to use both these rings and then design around them

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