Post # 1
He gave me a ring that his grandma gave him, but it was poorly made and the silver ring turned pink. So, he gave me his mom’s ring that she got. The ring was from a boyfriend she had before she met the man she married. I’ve had the current ring for a few months and I really don’t like it…it’s gold, and I absolutely loathe gold. It doesn’t even look like an engagement ring..I do appreciate the thought and I do realize that it symbolizes that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me…I just feel like he didn’t put any thought into the ring and didn’t really follow my tastes or requests..he just took the ring he was given. I want to tell him, but when he first gave it to me, I openly told him that I just LOVED it (even though I didn’t)..It’s been months now, is it too late to tell him? How do I tell him?
Post # 3
How about, instead of telling him you dislike it, suggest a wedding set that matches an engagement ring you like? Or that you appreciate the thought but its becoming very uncomfortable to wear, like maybe it itches or rubs wrong? Or that it doesnt really match “you”, or the things you wear or your other jewelry?
I’m not suggesting you outright lie to the man, maybe you can cushion the blow a bit.
Post # 4
this actually sounds very…. not serious of him. the ring from his grandmother i can understand. the ring from an old boyfriend of his mom’s? it has NO meaning whatsoever except that of a failed relationship.
you put yourself in a tough spot by already saying you loved it. the best you can do is explain that you were caught up in the excitement, but after careful consideration you would like a ring that symbolizes YOUR relationship together.
Post # 5
My first one was the same as your second! I eventually just wore it on a necklace.. eventually stopped that too.. and I cant remember if I lost it or told him to return it to her.. We didn’t have much money, and I understood not wanting to waste what we DID have. So we were “engaged” with no ring for ~2 years, and I got fed up (still didn’t have much money) I made him order a cz set from evesaddiction.com that I loved, and now I have the exact ring but wg/diamond… So if money is the issue, try suggesting that?
Post # 6
“Lose” it? And then whoopsie, and darn, you have to get another one! Oh well its no biggie since the first one was a hand me down anyhow.
Just kidding!.. Sort of 😛
Seriously though, you could get it rhodium dipped to cover the gold and make it white gold.
Post # 7
Maybe you should tell him how you feel
Post # 8
@Daisy4: if it were me I would just tell him that I wanted something new. I think I would have felt a little hurt that he just gave me a ring out of convenience and didn’t put any thought into it. I would just be honest, and not make up reasons that weren’t true. Just tell him that you’re not in love with the ring and you wish you had something that looked/felt more like an engagement ring, not a piece of hand-me-down jewelry that doesn’t have any real sentiment behind it.
Post # 9
Really bizarre to give you a ring that his mom’s ex gave her. I know it was probably just sitting around so may as well recycle the stone or the gold, but if you don’t like it I don’t see any problem in telling him that. Just explain that you want the ring to be special to you, and that you want to feel happy wearing it every day but you’re uncomfortable with what it symbolizes and don’t feel like it reflects you guys as a couple.
It’s definitely an awkward situation. I also don’t think the “oops, I lost it” plan is so terrible. 😉
Post # 10
@Daisy4: why does he keep giving you old rings that are other peoples that dont seam to be that sentimental?? Is it a ring he is giving you or is this supposed to be your engagment ring?? He gave you a low quality ring that was his grandmothers and then a ring from an exboyfriend of his mothers??? This really doesnt sound serious, why did he not want to buy you one, or take a sentimental stone and rest it or something? Its odd and I cant get over the fact that he gave you a ring that was given to his mother by an exboyfriend…. wow
I would have been really hurt that he did not put any thought or effort into a ring. Its one thing for a guy to give you a sentimental family piece, like his grandmothers nice e-ring, or a stone reset…. but the two he has given you are sad 🙁
Post # 11
Maybe he doesn’t really have the money to buy you a ring that you absolutely love and he feels you deserve. Either that or the idea of ring shopping is completely freaking him out. Figure out what the problem is. If it’s that ring shopping freaks him out, talk to him aout how the ring makes you feel. Then have him set a budget and the two of you go shopping. (To stores on the Internet.) Or maybe you’ll just have to pick it out yourself.
If it’s money, than maybe you should get the stone reset (if it’s possible with the money restrictions) or get the stone in his grandma’s ring reset so that you can have an heirloom ring. Or if there’s no money in a ring budget get the yellow ring dipped in a thick coat of rhodium. The rhodium will wear away faster because it’s yellow gold and not white, but at least the ring wouldn’t be a color that you don’t like and it will feel a little more like yours.
Post # 12
Sit him down and tell him the truth.
Tell him that you do not like the mothers ex-boyfriends ring and that you only said you did because you wanted to please him.
If he cannot afford to buy you the ring you want then tell him you can wait or see if you can get grandmothers ring reset into another setting or get the rhodium plating as others suggested and get an upgrade in a couple years
BE HONEST….lies are not a way to start a relationship/marriage
Post # 13
i am most interested in why he seemed to be so thoughtless in getting you a ring. was the engagement his idea or was it something you might have been putting pressure on him to do a little? just trying to figure out what really is beneath all this. does he not care to spend some time or money on you? i am not trying to be hurtful… these are questions i would ask myself.
Post # 15
Can you post pics of these rings? Maybe we can all come up with some solutions for you if you want to use both these rings and then design around them
Post # 16
@lilsweetie: we have dated three years and the engagement was a total surprise. At first, money was the biggest issue with getting a ring. Then, after the first ring turned colors he gave me the other ring from his mother. I really would appreciate him putting more thought into it but telling him is going to be difficult! Thanks for all the replies to my post, everyone!