- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I made a post not so long ago about some complications about a wedding I was in, but I wasn’t able to get my point across in a clear manner so I deleted it. maybe I can get it right this time. We’ll see. I’m not the best/organized writer!
The TL; DR of this is that really I feel taken advantage of, and need to vent. Not really looking for advice, but feel free to if you actually make it through this!
Background: L and I have been friends since college-about 8 years…she left school, I gradudated and moved back to my hometown. Not long after that, I moved again, 2 hours south, to start over. (my hometown is awful) We had a great friendship during that time-she would come visit me, I would come visit her, we always had fun, it was awesome. This was also at a time when I was living with friends and had far less expenses than I do currently. Then I met my Fiance, and while I didn’t have as much time to drive 3 hours to hang with her, we still would chat or text to keep up. Eventually her Fiance became friends with mine, as well. We were all pretty good friends for a while.
Then about two years ago, she quit her job and now her Fiance handles everything. He doesn’t make that much, to the point that they are constantly stressing about making their bills. How do I know this? She complains about it. All. the. timeeeee. I get it, you’re stressed. But no one told you to quit your job, either. I have a terrible job, and while its terrible, at least its income. There is no way in the world I would be able to quit, let alone make my Fiance pay for everything. We’d be homeless. LOL
So anyhow, she got engaged (this was their 2nd time being engaged-longer story) last May, and I was so excited since they were finally tying the knot after 5 years. I was asked to be a bridesmaid, out of 3, which was fine. Fiance was asked to be a groomsman, which was fine as well.
However, as time progressed, I see now that I was given basically the duties of Maid/Matron of Honor, but because she didn’t “want any conflict” with the other girls, no one had titles. Okay fine. I guess. Out of all the bridesmaids, I live the furthest away but was given the most to do. I did not feel that was fair, period. The other two are local to her.
She demanded we start planning the bachelorette party back in July, which ok, I can understand as we’re all strapped for money so it makes sense to do a little bit at a time.
The other girls weren’t having any of this. They were resistant to doing anything until basically a few weeks before the party. Let me tell you that was a blast to deal with. They complained to her any time I suggested we move along in doing something (measurements, ordering dresses, buying shoes, etc). Apparently I was the biggest douchebag of all time for wanting to give my friend a decent party, and be prepared for the wedding. Yes, she planned way too much of her own bach party and that’s questionable, but that was the only way that party would have happened.
She didn’t get a bridal shower and was pretty upset about that for a long time…that was the majority of her complaining throughout the engagement. I would have loved to thrown her one, but as I live so far away and gas is NOT cheap, I wasn’t able to. It goes without saying the other girls weren’t gonna step up, either. The further into the engagement and closer into the wedding we got, the more and more negative she was becoming about EVERYTHING, especially money, and it just took a toll.
It was extremely unsettling to see how angry she got about people not looking at her registry, not getting a shower, people not caring as much they should, etc.
It was more unsettling when I got engaged last month, and she said to me, word for word, “Welcome to the world of bullshit!” Wow, thanks. I didn’t even get to formally ask her to be a Maid/Matron of Honor, she instead barked at me if I planned on wanting her to be in it, I better tell her now so her Fiance can start putting money aside for her dress. I regret telling her now…I may just ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man so she can just show up. I don’t want much.
I get wedding planning is stressful. I really do. In my situation I am not close at all to my family, so they will not be in our wedding, period. They don’t even know Fiance. I refuse to let that get me down, though. I’m so excited to be spending the rest of my life with my FI–I thought she would be with hers, right?
…she was so unexcited that she insisted we do the bachelorette party a week before the wedding…to “keep her excited to get married” the next week. That weekend was also when most people’s bills are due(rent, insurance, etc), Fiance and I had to come from 3 hours away AND ask off work. I felt it was inconsiderate but I get it, her thing.
My real question is, why do you need to be kept excited about getting married? You shouldn’t be getting married if you aren’t estatic to be spending the rest of your days with someone, but whatever…I kept my mouth shut.
So, the next weekend, the actual wedding, Fiance and I were basically turned into servants–which to my understanding, she did ask me to help her mom do a few things the day of, but I was not prepared to become her day-of-coordinator, with Fiance as my assistant coordinator.
The other bridesmaids did nothing, of course. They all went with the bride to go get their hair done early that morning, I had to do my own, as I was not able to afford it. Fiance and I had to drive the groom to the venue 45 minutes away (wasn’t told we’d have to do that either). So we get there, her mom leaves to run to her house to grab a few more things (after being there alllll morning busting her ass)so Fiance and I are left to set up. The other 2 groomsmen show up, but they do nothing but sit around and play with their phones.
She left directions on what do, but since it was completely outdoors, this caused the snafu of everything falling over every 5 seconds. To the point that we had to wait as close to the ceremony to finish the decoration. I leave to finally spend my glorious 20 minutes to change and throw on some makeup. Once again, I’m enlisted to tie everyone’s dress bows perfectly, pin them, and help the bride put on her false lashes and smuggle her into her dress. I was also the only one fixing her train, directing guests to sit, and then at the end Fiance and I helped break down everything, since of course, the rest of the wedding party bolted.
Again. DOC. The venue was of little help…they bascially opened the place up, and later brought some snacks out for people. They did manage to help us break down some, though. So that enabled us to leave probably an hour before we did.
My Fiance felt so unappreciated by the situation that he actually mentioned it to them later (this is out or character for him as he is generally really quiet and easy going) and ONLY then did they say thank you. We did not find it fair that she expected so much out of us, and basically nothing from everyone else…especially since her and her (now) Darling Husband couldn’t even have the balls to name us Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor out of cowardliness of pissing anyone else off.
Also, she hasn’t even spoken to us since. Awesome, right?
On one hand I would say she’s offended that Fiance called them out as he did, but really, it’s been a long time coming. They have always expected so much from us and given so little back. We’re done with it.
I’m venting today because my job’s released the new schedule, and since I HAD to ask off for so many weekends, they haven’t even put me back on the schedule. Thanks for not only not appreciating your friend but wrecking her finances too! So glad I was able to be your slave on your special day!