(Closed) Dont Marry Him and The Reasons Why!!!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

great advice! thanks for sharing!

Post # 19
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This is some of the best advice I have seen on this site!  Thank you all

Post # 20
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@TexasSpringBride:  

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  I have to disagree about the living together. Ive seen too many people get married because it was easier than breaking up. Then a year or two later they realize that it’s either really really wrong or even more difficult, nice but not right. 

Post # 21
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Great thread, thanks.

Post # 22
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

Thanks for the thread. I think it’s healthy for everyone to step back and analyze their relationship every once in a while.

Post # 23
Member
29 posts
Newbee

@Catgal3:  Good point. I know so many woman who want the ring as a validation of their relationship to others. I have even found myself thinking in this way at sometimes and I have to take a step back and look at the big picture.  

Post # 24
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

I always admire the women on here, that actually see this while they are in their mid 20s.  The ones that really struggle with if they are doing the right thing.  Trust me, you are!  I just wish I could some how help you see it, cuz I KNOW how hard it is!  After all, I never saw it.  And it’s so much harder to end everything after 10 yrs of marriage and kids, vs. engagement. 

Post # 25
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Bravo!  I hope all of the bees read this.

Post # 27
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@jmaze:  I think more important than “make sure you love having sex with your partner” is “make sure you’re on the same page sexually.”  There are people out there who don’t enjoy sex, but enjoy making their partner happy.  If that arrangement really works for you and your SO, then more power to them.  Marriages are more than sex.  You have to be compatable, but sexual interest waxes and wanes.  There will be periods where you’re more into it than your SO, or less into it than your SO, and so long as you’re on the same page and communicating, then it doesn’t have to become a deal breaker.  But that communicating starts long before you walk down the aisle, and long before you get into bed together, too.

The big one that I think is important is to make sure that both you and your SO can function alone.  A lot of people who get married right out of college make this mistake.  If neither of you have lived on your own, taking care of your own bills, your own groceries, your own laundry, and your own stuff in general, someone’s going to end up being the designated “adult” in the relationship and have to do the heavy lifting, and that gets damn old.  Being able to function on your own, to take care of your own stuff and support yourself, is critical.  If your SO can’t manage to get their life straight without you, they’re not going to keep it straight with you, no matter what you do to facilitate it.

Post # 28
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Great post. I wish I’d have read something like this before my first marriage.

Post # 29
Member
2094 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Great post! I agree with it all! This is why we are are marriage prep/pre-marital counseling NOW.

 

I don’t expect our challenges to go away instantly when married (HAH)…it’s an interesting thing to wonder “can I deal with ______ forever”, but in the end I REALLY want to be in partnership with Fiance and honestly, that means change has to come from ME and it will be bonus if he chooses to do it. Like we both want to work on ourselves but I can’t expect or need him to change. He is a lovely person and I support any changes he might want to make. But at the end of the day, he is who he is. And I love him. And I want his whole, imperfect package as my husband.

 

I can’t wait to see who I show up to be in my marriage. I look forward to being the best partner I can.

 

 

Post # 30
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Great advice. Sometimes hard to hear and even harder to follow. Usually not making the right decision is the result of inexperience and lack of information, but with marriage love comes into play and can blur even the most clear insight.

                                            

I think counseling is one of the main ways to gain insight. Can’t wait to start it with Fiance because I know I’m not perfect. 

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