(Closed) Don't really like groomsmen girlfriend, invite or not?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9668 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Well if you have the rule that all couples have to live together to be invited jointly, then that rule applies here, although the groomsman should be able to bring his girlfriend. 

As for the other events such as bachelorette and bridal shower, those two you do not have to invite her to. Not every female guest has to be invited to either of those. The rehearsal dinner however she would be invited to as the girlfriend of someone in the bridal party.

Post # 4
Member
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would exclude her from all the other activities but I would most definitely invite a groomsmen’s SO.

 

ETA: she may not want to do many of the activities. You mentioned she has ignored times when you invited her for things so she may have a mutual dislike for you. However, you dont have to like her since you don’t date her but for a member of the bridal party I would allow a guest/SO.

Post # 5
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@cat05:  Their relationship is none of your business, and it doesn’t really matter what you think of it. He’s in the wedding party and they’re in an established relationship. So yes, you have to invite her. Have one of your BMs keep an eye on her at the reception and if she starts to get sloppy drunk, get someone to take her back to her hotel room. 

 

Post # 6
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I wouldn’t invite her since you clearly don’t like that person, and they seem not to be so attached at all (since he tryed to end up things), so I don’t think he would be offended, even because you are only inviting people that live together.

Besides, it’s your special day, you are allowed to have only the people that you care about, and that care about you, wich isn’t the case. Adding to that, do you really want a crazy drunk girl in your wedding? I wouldn’t, so no invite.

Post # 7
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i think its good etiquette to invite her as you are having her boyfriend in the bridal party. you’ll be having so much elsrle happening during the day you wont even notice her being there

Post # 8
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@cat05:  Is it a small wedding? Ours was tiny, so I could get away with not inviting people if I didn’t want them there by saying, “It’s really small. A couple of family members, one or two of our closest friends.” Then again, I’ve never been of the opinion that anyone is obligated to invite anybody. For example, my parents are married. I didn’t invite my father. It turned out that my mom answered his “Am I expected to be there?” with a “Yes”, so it was discussed and he was welcome to come if he wanted to, and he did. But until we established that he wanted to be there and would not be a jackass, he wasn’t invited. 

I’m very unpopular with my opinion about this. I know that. But if you’re prepared to cut this girl out of your life, then don’t invite her. It’s your wedding. Nobody has an automatic right to attend. Nobody. It’s a privilege and an honor to be important enough in someone’s life that they want you at their wedding. If you’re disrespectful and rude, you don’t fit the bill. Therefore, you don’t get an invitation. 

Post # 9
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wedding party members should always get +1s.  Proper etiquette.  If I had paid money to be an attendant and my SO wasn’t invited, I would honestly drop out and reconsider the friendship.

 

 

 

 

 

Also, Fiance and I were together for years before we lived together.  I would have been really hurt if people didn’t deem our relationship as important because we weren’t cohabitating.  In fact, we had hoped to live separately until marriage, but life events happened and here we are.  To imply their relationship is less valid because of their choices is insulting.

 

 

 

 

 

As for her behavior, well, you can’t predict how someone is going to behave on that day.  Maybe she will be on her best behavior, but Aunt Ida might have had too much champagne and is now doing her best Flashdance impression or making inappropriate comments to the groomsmen.  Like I said, you can’t predict someone’s behavior.  

 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Even if they don’t live together…or even if he didn’t have a girlfriend, it’s pretty standard to give your bridal party a plus one…so yes, invite. Don’t worry, you won’t have time to see her anyway. You probably won’t even know she’s there.

Post # 12
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I really think you have to invite her. I don’t know why everyone thinks that being the bride means that you make all the rules for everyone (you can, but if people then think you’re a class-free nobend, it’s your own fault).

She is his girlfirend whether you like it or not, and whether you think he likes it or not. The right thing to do is ask her.

Post # 13
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@cat05:  I really don’t understand the rules people set for inviting SO’s and +1’s, I know people have limited room but that’s really judgy of someone else’s relationship to say “well, you don’t live together so obviously your relationship isn’t important enough for you to come with him to my wedding.”

But that aside, he is a GROOMSMAN, he should 110% get a date to enjoy the night with.

Don’t worry about her, you spend so little time with each individual person at your reception that you will hardly have a memory of her.  

If any guest starts to act ridiculous put someone in charge of cutting people off and removing them if necessary.

You can’t do anything about seeing them around the resort, they are there for YOUR wedding but she definitely doesn’t have to be invited to the bachelorette (although it would be nice if the Groomsmen will be out with your Fiance at the same time) or your shower.  She does, however need an invite to the Rehearsal Dinner if you are having one.

Post # 14
Member
3230 posts
Sugar bee

In case the groomsman and his SO are broken up, just put Groomsman and guest on the invitation. This way you are not specifically inviting her. Also, I don’t think she automatically gets an invitation to your bachelorette party since she is not your friend. She kind of has to come to the rehearsal as his guest though.

Post # 15
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You KNOW .. you do KNOW he WILL ask for a plus one right?   I wouldn’t have a head table, make him be her babysitter all night and sit him at the … “I don’t know what to do with you” table.

oh and hell no to the bachelorette party .. and you can’t invite her to any showers you’re having.

 

Post # 16
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s proper etiquette that anyone in a relationship gets a +1. Even if you don’t think their relationship is good/significant, it’s not really your place to judge. If he identifies her as his girlfriend (same for the rest of your guests), then he gets a +1. Just think how you would feel if someone didn’t think your relationship with your Fiance when you were dating was going to work out and just gave him an invite to a wedding but excluded you. 

 

 

 

As far as the bridal shower and bachelorette party, you definitely do NOT have to invite her to those events. Those are more intimate affairs and just because someone is invited to the wedding, does not mean they have to be invited to the pre-wedding celebrations, especially if you dislike them.

 

 

 

Your groomsmen should also be able to bring her to the rehearsal dinner if you are having one.

 

 

 

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