(Closed) Don’t really like your FI’s last name, but taking it anyway?

posted 9 years ago in Names
Post # 4
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

So the Asian part of the name is that part that bothers you? Look at it this way, your children will be part Asian. Do whatever is in their best interest, but who cares if you don’t "fit" with your last name. You fitting with your Fiance is all that matters

I’m not taking my FI’s name but its not because its super plain and boring, its because my last name is 100x better.

Post # 5
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m not sure if my answer will help you at all – but here’s my opinion…

To me, taking his last name (no matter what) means that I’ve finally become that person…The WIFE who becomes "one" with him. Meaning I’m no longer single and, as much as I truly respect my last name (I’m huge into my genealogy and can trace my name back 8 generations)…I can’t WAIT until I can change my last name to his…

For one thing – people have a hard time pronouncing/spelling my maiden name (which i don’t understand as it’s very phonetic)…and his last name is pretty common.

But – to me – just my total personal opinion…a woman who doesn’t take his last name isn’t truly committing herself to becoming this man’s wife. I’m not by any means saying you’re not – I’m just saying that, that’s the way I see it – by taking his name, you’re becoming a part of him and his family and receiving what they have to offer you, and it also says, you’re no longer that single person you always were, but instead a new person you’ve always wanted to become.

Right now, my situation – we ARE legally married (for insurance reasons, wedding is next year) and it sucks that I CAN’T change my last name yet because we are trying to make sure no one finds out except those who already know (my parents and our best friends)… 

Now I’ve known some women who haven’t taken their husband’s name and they’re fine…but I know, for both my husband and myself, this is a subject that we both agree on that is important. 

I’m sure you will be happy with the decision you do make. And – maybe go back to middle school for a bit and get out a notebook, writing and re-writing your new name over and over again (I do this when i’m bored. hehee)

Good luck!!!! 

Post # 6
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I like my FI’s last name, but I am a little bit sad to be losing mine.  I don’t have any brothers, and none of my cousins have my last name (my dad had two sisters, no brothers either)…and both of my sisters are married and took their husbands name…so that means that my mom and I are the last two people in our family left with our last name!  I was thinking of maybe making it my middle name, or possibly making it the middle name of one of our children (when that day comes!).  I really am excited about taking my FI’s name, it’s just that there’s a little part of me that will be sad to lose the last name I’ve had for 28 years!  Also, a lot of my friends call me by my last name, so I’m not sure what will happen with that.  I’m sure it will be pretty weird for them too that I’ll all of a sudden have a new last name πŸ™‚

Post # 8
45 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

I really don’t think people will be that surprised by you not "matching" your Asian last name, especially if you live in a big, diverse city like New York — or even if they are surprised, they probably won’t have the big reaction you’re imagining.  My dad’s white while my mom is Asian, so I look very Asian but don’t have an Asian last name — and I have never had anyone express surprise that I’m Asian after seeing my name.  Plus I think that if you’re going by "Mrs." people will have some reason to think that you might not "match" your last name anyway. 

Post # 9
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I don’t think people will think about it at all.. I think things like that are pretty common!

I understand feeling weird about changing your name though.  I love my maiden name, it’s my identity… just the same way it is for my fiance.  I’ve told him that I would hyphenate my name if he would hyphenate his πŸ˜›  Unfortunately that would leave us with a 6 syllable last name….. so we’ll see!

Good luck getting used to the new name! and enjoy!

Post # 10
65 posts
Worker bee

I have to say, I don’t think it’s really as big a deal as it might seem to you right now. What kind of reactions are you imagining people will have to you not being Asian? 

All in all, I wouldn’t worry about it. You seem excited to have the symbolism of it! I also admit to writing out my name with the FI’s last name πŸ™‚ On another note, I read on another thread that this was bad luck to do before getting married..? Oh well!

Post # 12
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I totally understand! My last name is CHANCE a common anglo last name. I’m latina! My first name is Erica. So I decided to keep my last name as my middle name. I leagaly changed it to Erica Medina Chance. Now I get the best of both worlds, his last name, and mine just switched around a little:)

Post # 13
14 posts
  • Wedding: July 2009

I really don’t like what will be my new last name, but I will take it anyway. I have always loved the romantic aspect of taking your new husband’s name and becoming a family. My new hubby has a horrible polish last name. Everybody aggrees it’s terrible, but oh well. I love him, so I’ll learn to love it! Also, a white lady at my work is married to an, asian man. Her last name is now Ting. She says it was weird at first, considering she is irish-catholic, but she said it has lead to many funny situations! Don’t worry, after a while it will just become another unique part of your story πŸ™‚

Post # 14
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

My new last name is a common Asian name. But both of us are white! So go figure. You’ll get used to it in no time, I’m sure. If you were worried about the impressions, you could always insert your maiden name as a middle name on a case-by-case basis and use both (it doesn’t have to officially be part of your legal name for you to do this, btw).

Post # 16
65 posts
Worker bee

Ha yes, the weirdest thing about the name change to me is being Mrs. HisLastName… that’s my FMIL’s name! πŸ™‚

I’ve got my new email account reserved too… I’m excited to get to use it after the wedding.

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