Post # 1
This is a warning post to keep detailed lists, maybe even paper ones too. My family is HUGE so I kept a list of which second cousins, etc were invited and who I sent save the dates to so I wouldn’t forget to send them an invite.
A few months ago, a second (or third cousin) sent me a FB message asking me when my wedding date was and if he was invited. He was on the “invite if there’s room list” so I conveniently ignored the message.
Right before save the dates went in the mail, I remember analyzing over this cousin and deleting him from the list all together. (not sure if this was before or after the FB message).
Fast forward to now, this same cousin writes me on FB saying “I received your engagement notification, but have moved, so send my invitation to…” But I really think he asked me when the wedding date was AFTER I mailed out my STD cards; so if he did receive one, there would have been no reason to even ask. 🙁
And I’m 99% sure I didn’t send him a STD. The only reason I say 99% sure is because there is always that sliver of a chance. And when I deleted him from my excel spreadsheet, I may have deleted any evidence that I did send a STD (I wrote STD next to people’s names who got one. I should have kept a deleted list too.)
So then it’s my bad, I’ll send him an invite to cover my butt. So my dad says send him a 1-person invite only since the family has issues with his girlfriend.
Then he writes back, “the invite may now get to me late, consider this my RSVP. My girlfriend and I would love to come” What? It was supposed to be one only! So now I’m pretty sure he’s successfully invited himself, and completely sure he’s successfully invited her.
Moral of the story is:
Keep a list of deleted folks too. 🙁 Oy!
Post # 3
I think another mistake you made was ignoring his first message. If you had said something like, “sorry our venue only holds so many people” maybe he would have left you alone. IMO. Maybe not though, maybe he would have pulled the same crap anyways. Sorry this is happening though.
Post # 4
Oh, dang, that’s so rude of him! Thank you for sharing this good advice, which I will definately use! Maybe you could try talking to him, explaining space problems, already reserving a certain number of seats, or whatever to politely uninvite the girlfriend? Good luck. 🙂
Post # 5
Oh man, he’s like an invite ninja!
Post # 6
Ugh! I’d be so pissed. If you’re absolutely sure that you didn’t send him a STD- tell him! I feel for ya.
Post # 7
@SouthRNComfort: Is it possible he said he got the STD just to get an invite? (Or, to be more blunt, he lied about it?)
If you didn’t send him one, and are 99% sure about it, it sounds like this is his way of bullying you into inviting him and his gf.
Of course… I could be wrong!!!
Post # 8
I actually got a STD from a friend/colleague earlier this year and then never got an invitation. I thought about mentioning it, but it wasn’t a big deal to me. But still, it was very odd so definitely keep track of your lists!
Post # 9
Hmmm… I should start a list. Thanks for the tip!!
But you know… You DO have the option to reply “I’m so sorry, there seems to be a misunderstanding. I can completely understand it, if you haven’t yet recieved the formal invitation with your change of address, and all, but we were only able to invite you. Adjusting the guest list at this time will not be possible. I’m sure you understand, and please thank [your girlfriend] for her well wishes, but we simply aren’t able to accommodate additional guests at this point. I do hope this doesn’t change YOUR ability to join us on October 16th.”
(This is especially OK to do if you’ve already mailed an invitation to him that clearly shows you’ve only invited him WITHOUT the girlfriend. It’s less-OK if they live together, and if they’re engaged, the two should be a package deal.)
Post # 10
@teacherandageek: lol this!
People are starting to get pretty crafty when it comes to wedding crashing!
man that is awkward, so sorry! Hopefully they don’t cause too much of a scene!
Post # 11
@UmbrellaMoon: Perfect response! I’ll have to tuck that one away just in case 🙂
Post # 12
This sounds really sketchy. “i received your engagement notification,” is not the same as I received your Save the Date. I think he just said that to get an invite out of you. And he then wrote about his girlfriend to make sure you didn’t just invite him. You’re so nice to still invite him and his gf. I would probably get really mad and respond, Oh I’m flattered that your gf wants to attend but we’re only have enough room for family members at our venue, or something like that. Good advice on making a paper list.
Post # 13
@teacherandageek: Thanks. – I’m just hoping I don’t have to pull this one out too many times!
Post # 14
Ugh. I’ve made my bed by not being direct to his first FB message, so I’m just going to lay in it.
I just added him and his Girlfriend to the list (I’ve started getting some Nos back so it’s not a space issue now) just to avoid any family drama or hurt feelings. I’m glad to have him there, it was just a weird invite situation b/c I really don’t think I sent a STD. Keep lists ladies!
I also really like some of the crafty responses. I will remember this for my next passive invitation request. Someone else in my large family is bound to do it.
Post # 15
I do NOT think that failure to respond to his FB message means you have to invite him (or more importantly, his girlfriend). (In fact, I usually assume no response = no invite.) He’s being quite rude in his assumptions and aggressive pursuit of invitations. Just use the language UmbrellaMoon gave above.
Post # 16
@SouthRNComfort: My suggest response isn’t particularly “crafty.” and it’s not rude. You are the hostess and every person that is invited is YOUR guest. If your family has a problem with his girlfriend – and more importantly, if you would rather not have her at your wedding, then you’re under no obligation to invite her. You don’t owe your cousin an explination any more detailed than the one I suggested.
If you were just worried about the head count and she’s mildly annoying, then, sure, invite her. But if your concern is more substantial – like she’s been known to have all out “scenes” with family members, or there’s ever been a restraining order between her and one of your family members (oh, don’t judge, I may be dealing with that drama if my aunt & cousin don’t settle down over the cousin’s boyfriend!) then you’ve got every right to politely correct your overly eager cousin.